I woke up to the smell of man. Or maybe the smell wasn't what woke me up. Before I opened my eyes the partying of the previous night came back to me. I had been out at a party, which wasn't unusual for me on a Saturday night. It had started out as a tight-knit group, but then friends of friends had shown up, and then their friends. My girls and I had been eyeing all the cute older guys who had shown up, who were maybe seniors at our college or the one across the river. When the beer ran out me and two other junior girls had ended up following three of these guys to an after party. We had indulged more than a little in the vodka they had offered and danced sluttily to some old pop music. I went back to one of the guys' dorm rooms, what was his name, Christopher? He was cute, I remembered, tall with curly blonde hair, maybe a biology major?
I registered the sound of decidedly male breathing, and felt it tickle the small hairs near my ear. My hangover was minor but made itself known in my aching body. My stomach rumbled at me desolately, mad at me for all of the vodka. I needed breakfast, and to do that I needed to put clothes on and figure out which dorm I was in. I inhaled, preparing to open my eyes and crawl off the mattress, when I felt his hands on me. Christopher and I were laying very close, squished into a twin dorm bed. I could feel his body meet mine at almost every point along the line of my back. I could even feel his chest hair against my shoulder blades. Still, I was surprised to feel one of his hands reach around and cup my breast. I stopped breathing briefly, my plan of rolling out of the bed stymied. When I sucked in air again, I did it slowly, like I was still sleeping. I wanted him to let go of me and I figured that showing that I was awake would encourage him to go for 'round two.'
The hand felt cold and large on my bare breast. The temperature difference woke up my nipple and hardened it beneath his rough palm. He started moving his hand in circles so that my nipple rolled around underneath it. I made a small sleepy breath-noise, hoping that would give him the message that he wasn't waking me, and cause him to give up. Seemingly in response, his own breath became more ragged, more urgent in my ear. He pressed his body harder against mine, using our new proximity to move his other hand onto my right breast. I could feel his hardness against the back of my upper thigh. His fingers found my nipples and squeezed, making them swell more with blood and arousal. While my body was aroused, my brain was not. I was starting to get annoyed. I remained limp, with my eyes closed, trying to seem as discouragingly passed-out as possible. My heartbeat had sped up, but hopefully he hadn't noticed.
Christopher didn't stop pinching my nipples. He was twisting them now, just a couple degrees to either side, but enough to make them feel tender and sensitive. I stirred now, my legs moving away from his. This just made Christopher move towards me, closing whatever distance I had made in the small bed. With my pulse panging in my throat I finally opened my eyes, ready to be done and go home. I was facing away from him, looking at his dirty dorm room. It was dim and cool, some of the winter chill eating its way through the windows. The curtains were drawn against the sun, creating an artificial night. I cleared my throat and wiggled a bit in his hold. Christopher's heavy breathing didn't stop and I felt a sting as he flicked at one of my engorged nipples. I couldn't help myself, and cried out, "ow!" My body jerked away from his, but with alarmingly quick reflexes one of his hands reached out and grabbed one of my wrists, bringing it against my sternum and pulling my whole torso back towards him. "No!" I cried out, now close enough to smell the IPAs from last night on his hot breath.
"Ssshhhhhh," he sighed impatiently into the nape of my neck, sending a shower of icy chills down my back. His grip felt like stone against my pinned hand. I craned my neck but couldn't turn to see his face because of the position. What I could see is our legs, entangled, his so much larger and longer than my own. I felt a lump in the back of my throat and reflected how his height and athletic build had seemed like a positive thing last night when I was sizing up which man I wanted to go home with.
With his free hand Christopher was massaging my breasts and periodically traced his hand down my stomach to the top of my pubic hair. I felt overstimulated and I jerked my body again, trying to get away and out of the bed. He acted like I hadn't tried to move at all. He made a low noise in his throat and scratched his nails down my stomach more aggressively on the next pass.
I didn't want to be in this position. I never thought I'd be in this position. My brain was going too fast for me to think straight and I felt intensely vulnerable in my state of undress. We had had sex last night, so he couldn't be assaulting me. That didn't happen if you'd already had sex, right?
The sex had not been very good. We had both been drunk and fumbling. I remembered he had been frustrated with all of the straps on my dress and would have torn it if I hadn't hurried to get it off. He was a good kisser, not too messy considering how many vodka shots we had done together. But that was about the extent of the positives of our stumbling encounter. There hadn't been any foreplay, so I still felt sore from when he had thrust into me too quickly. That was part of the reason I hadn't been keen to stick around for morning sex, I wasn't eager to irritate whatever fucking abrasions he had given to me in his impatience.
I felt paralyzed, not just mentally but like my limbs wouldn't move even if they were given the command. I took a deep breath, the air catching slightly as he tapped his fingertip against the center of my left nipple. Christopher must have felt my arm relax because he in turn relaxed his iron grip on my wrist. "Good. You don't need to do anything. Just lay there," He said it so casually that I wondered if I had been overreacting. Maybe this situation wasn't what it had seemed just a second ago. How could he sound like that if it was? I lay still like I've seen bunnies do on the street when I walk by, as if they can turn invisible while completely out in the open.