Before I went to bed I went for a run. Have to keep myself reasonably fit, you know. Three quarters of the way through my run I'd stopped in at the pub for a quick drink. I see no reason to overdo this fitness stuff and a quick drink wasn't going to hurt me. I had my drink and a couple of games of pool and then I was ready to finish my run.
Amazing what half an hour can do to the weather. When I entered the pub there were stars in the sky and the weather was coolish, but not cold. Leaving the pub I found the temperature had dropped a good ten degrees and rain was pouring down. The hell I was going to run home in that.
It seemed to me that I had two choices. I could call a taxi or go inside and try to scrounge a lift off someone going in my direction. Neither option really appealed, as a taxi would cost and scrounging a lift meant waiting until whoever was giving me the lift was ready. I flipped a mental coin and it landed on its edge.
I'd just spotted Don, standing to one side of the entrance, peering out into the rain. I also noticed that he was swaying slightly, had his keys in his hand, and was carrying his jacket. Why the hell he was carrying his jacket instead of wearing it was beyond my comprehension.
What wasn't beyond my comprehension was the fact that Don was plastered, he had his car available, and he lived near me. I could drive him home and then it was a short run to my own place, minimising the time spent in the rain.
"Hey, Don," I said genially. "Why don't I fetch your car and run you home? You can't drive in your state. I'll just borrow these for a moment."
With that I extract his keys from his hand, his jacket from off his arm, and pressed the button on the remote to see which car flashed its' lights. Then I draped his jacket over my head and ran to the car. (Better his jacket get wet than me.)
It was only a couple of moments later and I was pulling up in front of the entrance, pushing open the passengers door, and yelling for Don to get in. He scrambled into the car, frowning.
"What," he wanted to know as I drove off, "is my state?"
"Don't you know?" I asked, amused.
He seemed to consider the problem for a moment and then shook his head.
"No."
Damned if I was going to tell him he was blotto, not while driving, anyway. No way of telling how a drunk will react if you tell them they're drunk. Some accept, some deny, some argue, and some explode. I wasn't going to risk it.
"Well, you're in an unusual state," I hedged. "Why don't you just contemplate it until we get home? If you still can't work it out I'll explain."
That seemed to satisfy him, although I did hear him mumble about 'my state' once or twice. Pulling up at his place I found the garage doors automatically opened as I pulled up, so I drove straight on in. I was helping Don out of the car when he started on me.
"My state, you said. What did you mean, my state?"
I unlocked the door from the garage to the house, easing him inside. While I was doing this I was thinking. Superficially, Don and I were both similar types. Big, reasonable looking, dark haired. Put this together with his state and my taste for practical jokes and you had a situation just made for me.
"Your car?" I asked, jerking my thumb towards the garage, and he nodded.
"Your keys?" I added, jangling the keys and he nodded again.
"Your clothes?" lifting up his jacket and getting another nod.
"And your house," I added grandly, waving my hand around. "The answer is obvious. You're having an out of body experience. I'm really you and you're just watching yourself from outside your body. People do it all the time, but it makes it hard to drive when you're not really you. That's why I had to drive."
I could see him trying to digest this, struggling a little.
