I am not sure how I ever agreed to it. I wasn't even sure about what Sue meant when she said she wanted to "open things up." I just did not realize then that what she meant was that she wanted to fuck other people. When it became clear I argued, saying things like "that's just not right" and that "is not how things are supposed to happen", great arguments like that. When she said people weren't meant to be monogamous, I had nothing.
How was I to know if people were "meant" to be a word I wasn't even sure what it actually meant. I really did look it up. I just learned it meant being married to one person at a time: Or having sex with only one person at a time. At a time? Was it a law? A law of Nature?
"Animals don't mate for life. That is a myth," she argued, although I didn't know what that had to do with us. Having sex with other women sounded fine, but I wasn't sure she was talking about me. Sounded like she meant other men. That was her. If I would like sex with other women, which of course I would, I could easily go for that, so why not for her? Sure, okay. Why not?
So if I was okay about my having sex with other people, why would I not be okay for her doing the same? Good point. I had no answer. Before I knew it I was agreeing, although I wasn't sure exactly when that happened, or even how.
The one that finally got me was the 'do you love me enough.' It was the old 'if you loved me unconditionally you would agree' argument. That is the one that pushed it over the top. You can't say, "Well, if you love me enough you would not ask... ". You can never win an argument by answering a question with a question. So I was doomed.
Of course, even though I didn't really know what 'opening things up' meant in the beginning, I found out right away. It meant that at least one of us was going to be able to fuck other people, and I was pretty sure she wasn't talking about me.
So when Sue brought her new friend home to 'meet' me, I was sure it wasn't for high tea. He was anything but effeminate, standing well over six feet and having the shoulders of an NFL linebacker. I do not consider myself small, but compared to him I am Tiny Tim. I knew she hadn't selected him for his artistic temperament. His name, of course, is Rock, as in 'of Gibraltar' and he looked like he is over supplied with testosterone. Absolutely oozing steroids. I should be above trying to find fault, but I didn't think he went to college on an academic scholarship.
My choice was whether to forget what I had always maintained that fidelity was not the most important thing in a marriage, or make an issue of it and tell her I couldn't handle her new openness, the new unconditional aspect of our marriage. Of course, I couldn't very well say everything I have always asserted was crap and now that you want sexual freedom I am against it. What does a person do when the wife he loves wants to "express herself" sexually and open things up? What do you do when your words come back to haunt you and challenge what you said you believed in?
When Sue brought her 'new friend' home I shook hands with him and waited for her to say more. She took him by the hand and said they would be 'out' for a while. I didn't know if 'out' for a while meant "I will see you in the morning" or we are just "going for a cup of coffee." As it turned out, it meant we'll be back at midnight.
When they returned they looked worn out. Her hair was a mess and her dress was wrinkled. Her lipstick was smeared and her chin had a bit of whisker burn. If anyone had just been fucked it was her, so I asked if we could talk. She followed me into the next room and I turned to her after shutting the door.
"So we 're now open and we are fucking other people?" I asked.
"I thought you agreed," Sue said.
"I just want make sure I know what I've agreed to," I said. "Did I consent to you being able to fuck who you want to while I sit home and watch the game?" She said I could get myself a fuck buddy. "Yeah, in a small town I can convince somebody's wife to fuck me without her husband and his posse coming after me with shotguns and pitchforks."
I said it was a lot easier for a woman to attract men to bed than for a married man to come on to women in a small town, whether married or single, and have it be welcomed. "Men are more ready to have affairs than married women in a small-gossip-prone village like this one," I said.
"Why don't you see if Claire wants to have dinner some night?" Sue asked. Claire was a woman I worked with, whose husband was overseas and she was home by herself, probably lonely. "You could drive up to San Luis and have dinner where no one would know you," she said. "Even get a motel."
Claire was a woman I had thought about, that I was crazy about, and who just might be interested. "I know she likes you," she said.
