It was Christmas Eve. Another big argument with his wife, Mona. Another night spent in Mulligan's bar on Maine drinking beer and shooting pool with his friend, Harry.
John Morgan had been married to Mona for nearly ten years and whatever sparkle there had been in the beginning had definitely faded. Mona was a damn good name for her, John liked to think at moments like this, moan, moan, moan!
As he tipped the remnants of his fourth beer down his throat, John looked at his watch: 11.40pm. He'd been out for nearly three hours.
"Time for me to get going, Harry." He called to his friend on the other side of the pool table. Harry had also had four beers and looked a little wrecked. "Guess we'd better leave the car here, Harry and walk home, yeah?"
Harry had been lining up his shot now for some time; drunkenly checking and re-checking the angle. He held up a hand to silence his friend for a moment, indicating his concentration. He drew the cue back and played the shot. He missed by some margin.
"Shit!" he exclaimed angrily and tossed the cue onto the table. "Fuckin' stupid game anyway!"
The evening air was warm and muggy as the two friends meandered their way drunkenly home.
"So what is it with you and Mona, then John? You had another fight?"
"Bitch has been running round on me again!" John replied. "This time with my junior assistant at work, if you can believe that! He's young enough to be her son. She's turned into a real fucking slut. I think, by now she must have fucked everyone I know - apart from me of course!"
Harry looked at John sideways. "Not me either, man. She hasn't fucked me! But it has to be said, John, She's a good looking woman."
"Ah, I don't care anymore." John slurred resignedly. "You're all welcome to the little bitch! Here, lets take a short cut across the park."
As the two friends walked, sobering slowly, the dim lights of the park cast eerie shadows across the grass. As they neared the north corner exit, one of the lamps appeared to flicker, it's yellow sodium beam switching itself on and off with irregular hesitancy. Approaching the streetlight, they could hear a small voice from the shadows.
"Fuck! Fuck! Work, you stupid fucking light, why won't you stay on! Fuck you!"
The voice, though obviously male, seemed to small and squeaky to have come from an adult, but surely, thought John, no child would speak like that!"
"You hear that?" asked Harry in a whisper.
The unseen owner of the voice now seemed to be getting more angry and was kicking the metal pole of the lamp viciously.
"What's going on?" called John, surprised at how loud his voice sounded in the still night air.
"Mind your own fucking business!"
John and Harry were slightly taken aback by the ferocity of the reply. "Hey, no need for that," said Harry. "We're only asking."
After only a few seconds silence, the small figure emerged from the shadows. Harry and John almost burst out laughing when they saw the figure. Dressed all in green and standing no higher than three feet tall, the man looked faintly ridiculous and not what they had expected to find at all.
"What are you fucking staring at shit-heads!" The small man's verbal assault continued
"Hey, cut the crap, you little dwarf!" John spat. "You this fucking nasty to everyone?"
"I'm not a fucking dwarf, I'm an elf, dick-head!"
The two friends could contain their mirth for no longer and both exploded into loud, belly aching laughter.
"So what's so fucking funny? You never seen an elf before?"
John wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Sorry, man....no, I guess we must have both missed that! Except when we last saw Santa Clause!"
Again, the laughter erupted, tears streaming down both of their faces. The elf looked angrily back at them.
"And don't get me started on THAT guy, either! The bastard! I work for that fat piece of shit, I was a good elf, too until he reassigned me here! Jeez, You fuck ONE damn reindeer!"
John and Harry were now in fits of apoplexy. "Ah, c'mon, guy's! Give me a break, it's not THAT funny!"
"Oh, sorry, man! Gasped John between fits of coughing laughter. "So, what are you doing here?"
"Here? I'm supposed to be a sentinel. This lamp is very special - if it ever fucking works!" He kicked it again and the sodium glare flickered but quickly died again. "The first person to walk under the lamp on Christmas Day is supposed to get one wish - it's a Christmas thing!"
John looked at his wrist watch: 3 minutes past midnight.