This is a slow burn romance series that contains femdom, humiliation, and non-consensual themes.
Chapter 19
A quiet night under the stars of an open sky. This was a common theme in my life, but as peaceful as that sounds, it always led to a tumultuous ending.
A confused mind and a curious heart. That's what I had become once I learned these endings weren't disasters, but blessings in disguise... or so I started to think.
I really didn't know what to make of my life at this point. Some of my biggest fears had already been cast aside, and still, my mind was wearier than ever. But even worse, the thing I wanted to run away from the most was now the thing I was most afraid of losing.
These were the feelings I always had to deal with. These were the thoughts always consuming my mind.
When it came to relationships, I always knew I was an idiot. I never once hoped to convince anyone that I wasn't. However, what started off as self-pity and ignorance from my part had become something much more difficult, and quite frankly, scarier to handle.
After that night I spent with Julia, where she tricked me into volunteering to be their personal dancer, I ended up in the same place I always did; the one place I had learned to feel comfort... her warm embrace.
She and her friends had decided to let me stay the night. Marissa slept in bed with Valerie, and I, of course, slept with Julia.
As much as I could have fantasized about it, there was no funny business going on in either bed. The four of us were exhausted; They, because of the alcohol, and me, because of all the dancing I did, followed by the massive orgasm. Instead, we all slept peacefully; The two girls in each other's arms, while I was in Julia's.
I felt at peace, probably even more so than a feminine young woman like Marissa being in the embrace of a much taller and stronger woman like Valerie. For me, I was in the arms of my long time bully; the woman I had always thought I hated. And never before in my life did I feel so at home.
Unlike the previous time we shared a bed, there was no kissing, there was no sex, there wasn't anything that would fulfill the stereotypical carnal desires. Still, my heart felt the same as it always did whenever I was with Julia; calmed and at peace.
There was no more denying this feeling. There was no more denying what she meant to me.
I still did not understand her situation, or why she was always so unpredictable with me. Unfortunately though, if she had made one thing clear, it was that we couldn't be together.
Still, that feeling persisted... the one that was so difficult, and so scary... And that feeling... that feeling was love...
Perhaps she had been trying to push me away her entire life. Or perhaps I was just that stupid... Either way, this feeling that I had for her, the one that always drew me closer no matter what she did to me... I could no longer deny it.
I had been around so many different women in my life, way more than I ever deserved... But there was only one woman I was falling for... And that was my lifelong bully... the prettiest of them all, both inside and out... the one who had always been there... Julia...
***
As fate would have it, just when I started to realize my true feelings for Julia, she disappeared from my life once again. And although there was no declaration of her intention like the last time she exited my life, something about this time felt more permanent.
For the next couple of months, Julia and I just didn't see each other. I didn't encounter her anywhere around campus, and she stopped responding to my texts.
It was like she vanished, but this time, I knew she was still somewhere around. Something had happened, but I wasn't sure if it was my fault.
To make matters even more confusing, it seemed as if my relationship with Tina had gotten better out of nowhere. Perhaps since I had realized my feelings for another woman, I no longer looked at her as if she was my only chance at happiness.
Maybe I was treating her differently, and she all of a sudden felt accountable. Regardless, there was no denying that she started treating me better, which was all I had ever hoped for with my actual girlfriend.
Yes, I was happy with Tina, but I didn't quite know if I was actually satisfied. Now that I had accepted my own true feelings, I no longer feared my insecurities like I used to. And this didn't apply to relationships solely; This was also how I started to think about my life.
Why did I do the things that I did? Why did I make the decisions I made?
I always operated out of fear, thinking I needed to make the safest choices because there wasn't a better future out there for me. All the while, the only thing dangerous I ever ran after turned out to be the most exciting and rewarding.
I started to question everything about my life. Why did I have the friends that I had? Why did I go down the path that I was on? The answer felt so unclear.
As I thought about the friends that I had made, I noticed that a lot of them didn't make me feel good about myself. So many of them talked to me like I was below them. And even some that were nice to me were undeserving of my blind friendship.
I still didn't know if Romeo was trying to steal my girlfriend. At least Tina showed her emotions to me when she was upset about something... even though I was definitely cheating on her. But if Romeo was doing something with Tina, how could he be so fake while stabbing me in the back?
Tina was now being nice to me and I began to believe we were in a real, committed relationship. I even started to think she trusted me and respected my decisions... until one issue came up...
The issue had to deal with another decision I made in my life. After thinking about it, I realized that I only became a bioengineering major because I thought that was the safest route that would guarantee me a good salary. And why did I want such a hefty salary? Well, I wasn't exactly sure about that either.
I suppose I thought that was the only way a girl would ever want me. And though I figured it was something that would make my parents proud, It didn't quite stack up to following in my father's footsteps.
My dad was a doctor. This was something everyone knew when I was growing up, and he was loved for it. However, despite looking up to him my entire life, I didn't think I possessed the talent, nor the people skills, to embark on such a feat.
Fortunately, most of my credits would still transfer over if I went the medical route, so it wasn't like I was wasting time in engineering school. Also, even after switching to the medical route, I would still be able to pick up an engineering degree without much of a tangent, in case I wanted something to fall back on.
Getting into medical school was unfortunately not something that Tina seemed too pleased with. She at least had the respect not to argue with me about it, but I could tell from the look in her eyes and the tone in her voice that something about it really bothered her.
I remember the day that I announced it to her. She had always been so into financial goals that I was excited for her support. However, when I explained my desires to switch to the much more daunting journey of becoming a physician, her face dropped and she let out a little sigh.
"What's wrong?" I asked her the moment I noticed her demeanor change.
"Does this mean you will not get an engineering job immediately out of college?"
"Well, no... because I'll be in medical school... "
"And how long will that take?" she asked with a frustrated exhale.
"I don't know... It takes a few years and then there's residency... and then..."
"It's going to take a long time for you to get paid," she interrupted, rolling her eyes.
"And what's the problem with that?" I asked. "Sure, I'll have to sacrifice at the beginning, but it'll pay off in the end. And I think I'd be happier as a physician."
After a loud groan, she shook off whatever was bothering her and put on a fake smile. "Okay, if that's what you want to do, then that's what you want to do..."
"You sound bothered..."
"I'm not... I just thought we had a plan..."
"Well, I've just been thinking about it and I decided that I want to be a doctor... I think that'll make me happier than being an engineer. "
"You're right," she said once again, letting out a quieter sigh. She then pulled out her phone and continued, "We should all do what makes us happy."
I could tell from that response that there was trouble ahead of me, but in all honesty, I was much too focused on my own problems to worry about her frustrations. I could sort of see why she was bothered, but in the end, I was going to be a physician, which had a higher salary. She needed to get over it because I knew what was best for my life.
From that point forward, I really didn't have many problems with her. I suspected that she found a way to cope with her frustrations that didn't result in her arguing with me. This could have been one of the other reasons we were getting along better, outside of me finally standing up for myself.
Despite whatever division this may have caused in our relationship, the next month was a grueling time for me as I made heavy changes to my schedule for the next semester and also studied for the MCAT. However, through my own hard work, and some luck that my previous studies had already crossed over, I scored well on my test and got accepted into medical school.
Unfortunately, despite the hot start, I still found myself behind, and in great need to catch up to my peers if I hoped to graduate and gain residency without delay. To my surprise, however, the first big event that I needed to catch up on had nothing to do with the medical field at all.
It had become a tradition for my school's prestigious medical program to raise money so they could continue producing some of the country's greatest talents. The medical students were not exempt from these money raising events and also needed to participate on their own to show their initiative and organization skills.
Much to my dismay, since I was the newest in the program, I didn't get to select from the wide range of options that were available earlier on. I got left with quite a few poor opportunities to raise money for the school. And to my misfortune, it seemed these were all ideas I had no experience in managing.
That's when I noticed an event that caught my eye. It wasn't something that I, in particular, had any experience with. However, it was something that I, at least, attended events for in the past.
