Neighbors

Chapter 3

Cassie

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BEN: I'm sorry.

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I read the text Ben sent last night for what feels like the thousandth time. I've written and erased a thousand more responses.

Setting the phone down with a sigh, I shift on my couch and then wince. I can still feel him in between my legs, the soreness reminding me of his size and forcefulness.

I take a fortifying breath. Just do it, I tell myself.

I type and hit send before I can overthink it again.

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CASSIE: Can we talk?

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Immediately, I see three dots dance below my words.

Wow. That was fast.

My pulse quickens at the thought that maybe he's been watching his phone and waiting for my response.

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BEN: I'm not very good at that.

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I huff out a laugh at his reply, wondering if he's being sarcastic or droll. I wish I could read his tone better.

Another text comes through seconds later.

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BEN: Can we text instead?

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I consider for a moment. I'd prefer to see him in the light of day, to be able to take in his facial expressions and body language, but I guess I'll take what I can get.

I reply in the affirmative.

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CASSIE: OK.

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Then I freeze for a moment, unsure where to start. I run down a mental list of the things I need answers for.

I'm attracted to him- didn't I make that more than clear yesterday? I wriggled my way to an orgasm in his lap, for Christ's sake. How could I make it more obvious that I'm interested?

So if it was clear I was into him, why did he break into my house and -- my brain short circuits as I struggle how to articulate what happened to me.

It wasn't full-on rape, exactly, but it wasn't completely consensual, either.

I shake my head at myself. It was fifty shades of fucked up was what it was. I'd never been so turned on in my life, and I came so hard I nearly passed out.

And regardless of how twisted it is, I have to admit that when he'd pinned me with his hard, muscled body and taken what he'd wanted-- it hadn't just resulted in a toe-curling orgasm. It had done something mentally, flipped a switch of some kind in terms of my anxiety and panic disorder.

This is an enormous breakthrough for me.

So, despite how sick this whole thing is, I have to find out if it was a fluke.

But first, I have questions.

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CASSIE: I gave you my number yesterday. We made out on your couch. You knew I was into you.

CASSIE: So why did you feel like you had to break in here? Take me against my will?

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I want to write more, but I force myself to stop. I watch the three dots move as he types out his answer.

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BEN: I have OCD. And other things.

BEN: I don't understand people and have difficulty with nonverbal communication and social signals.

BEN: Things that may seem commonsense to you are a mystery to me. Especially when it comes to social interactions.

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I read his reply.

It makes a lot of sense.

I wonder about the 'other' things, and whether it has to do with his speech issues.

Three dots appear again and another set of texts comes through.

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BEN: I couldn't stay away. It's hard to explain.

BEN: It's like there's this itch under my skin and thoughts swirling in my head about a certain thing, and I HAVE to do whatever that thing is.

BEN: Last night it was being close to you. Inside you.

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I swallow, hard, as I read his last line. My face heats and I feel a pulse beat between my legs as memories of him pinning me facedown into my mattress, pounding himself into me, flash through my mind.

I squeeze my thighs together to relieve the ache, and feel the thin strip of cotton between them dampen.

I shake off the memory but before I can type out a reply, another text appears.

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BEN: Did I hurt you?

BEN: Please tell me I didn't.

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His last message steals my breath. He sounds so worried, and all I want to do is reassure him.

Then I roll my eyes at myself. He broke into my apartment and forced me into sex. Apparently I have a rape kink I've never been aware of, but if I hadn't, what does he think would have happened?

It would have hurt me. No, HE would have hurt me.

Then I remind myself that he's not neurotypical and likely didn't consider that ahead of time. Not that it's an excuse. But then again, in a sick, twisted way, I'm glad everything played out the way it did.

I muster up all my courage for what I'm about to do.

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CASSIE: No. Although I easily could've been. But that's not what I want to talk to you about.

CASSIE: I think last night may have actually helped me in a weird way.

BEN: helped you? I don't understand.

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My heart pounds as I write and try to explain as concisely as I can what I mean.

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CASSIE: last night I should have had an increase in my anxiety levels. But the opposite happened.

CASSIE: I think it may have been something to do with experiencing the same bodily responses I have with anxiety, but re-associating them with pleasure.

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My face is burning red as I type this last bit and send it to him. I push myself to keep going.

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CASSIE: my therapist explained something like this before- that I had to rewire my brain so that it responds differently to feelings of anxiety. I didn't know what she meant then. I think I do now.

BEN: So, you are recreating connections in your brain that associated certain sensations with negative circumstances.

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A beat, then another message pops up.

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BEN: last night felt good? It helped you reassociate those negative sensations with something pleasurable?

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I squeeze my eyes shut, cheeks aflame as I read his response. And then I remind myself I have no reason to be embarrassed.

Opening my eyes, I quickly type my reply before I lose my nerve.

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CASSIE: I think it started to. I think I'll need to condition myself.

BEN: How?

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I sigh in frustration that he's making me spell it out so bluntly.

Then I remember what he's just told me. He doesn't understand subtleties in communication. That means he's not going to pick up what I'm putting down.

I'm going to have to be very direct.

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CASSIE: I want you to do it again.

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***

BEN

I punish myself on my treadmill, running at an 7-minute mile pace, while my mind conjures thoughts of her.

Of Cassie.

Spread out below me, my cock deep in her snug pussy. Her silky dark hair clasped in my fist as she screamed into her pillow, choking my dick with her orgasm.

Last night, I didn't go over there to fuck her. I just wanted to be near her. It wouldn't let me go, the intrusive thoughts spiraling through me until they seemed to push me into my shoes and across the street.

The thought pops into my brain, as it has been doing since we texted earlier.

I could've really hurt her.

A stabbing pain blooms in my chest and I gasp for air. I slow the pace down a bit to recover and then once I'm able to breathe again I push it back up.

I'm so motherfucking lucky. I don't know what I would've done if...

I don't complete that thought, instead focusing on pumping my legs as hard as I can. Sweat pours down the sides of my face, running in rivulets down my bare chest as I chase away my demons the only way I know how.

My mind wanders again, this time landing on what Cassie told me earlier.

That it may have even helped her.

I have trouble wrapping my mind around these thoughts. I'm not used to spending time thinking about other people, much less how what I do affects them.

I've never entertained the thought of a relationship. Never desired one, never considered the possibility. I lived my life in isolation, and that was the way I liked it. Now, I find myself interested in voluntarily breaking that isolation for the first time in all my adult years.

I crave her, but not just her body. I want to have her in my space, near enough to touch, to hear her voice.

But I don't know the first thing about relationships.

Resolve shoots through me. For her--I'm going to learn.

I'm going to start by thinking about her needs. Number one is helping her find out whether recreating the situation from last night can really aid her with management of her anxiety and panic.

Slowing down, I start my cooldown and consider what I need to do to find out as much as I can about this- whatever the hell this is we are doing.

Twenty minutes later I'm sitting in front of my computer, my hair still wet from my shower. My fingers stretch out over the keys, and then still.

I have no idea how to even start researching this.

Gritting my teeth, I start typing key words that might help me locate useful information.

Two hours later I'm engrossed, reading all about consensual non-consent and rape fantasy. I take meticulous notes, my mind whirling.

Finally I set aside my laptop and pick up my phone.

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BEN: meet me at Sheffield park tomorrow night. Midnight.

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A few minutes passes, and a reply pops up.

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CASSIE: okay.

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BEN: I need you to pick a safe word. And tell me if there's anything that you don't want me to do.

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I place my phone down and try not to watch for her text. She might have to think about it for a while.

The minutes still seem to drag by as I wait.

My breath leaves me in a great whoosh when the screen lights up with her answer.

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CASSIE: safe word is COOKIE.

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My eyebrow lifts. Cookie?

I quickly latch on to the fact that she hadn't provided her limits, though, so I quickly dash off a reminder.

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BEN: and your hard limits?

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My eyes slide back to the screen, where the three dots appear and disappear, then appear again.

There's the feeling in the pit of my stomach- a fluttery sensation that I think might be some kind of anticipation. Maybe even excitement.

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CASSIE: Not sure. Nothing that seriously hurts me, I guess.

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I stare at her message, my cock suddenly rock hard in my pants as I consider what that might mean. My heart thumping rapidly, I palm my cock, my mind conjuring different possible scenarios.

Focus, Ben!

I shake my head and type one last thing.

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BEN: And contraception?

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The first time I was bare. I wasn't thinking--clearly--and I want to make sure I do things right this time.

But goddamn, being balls deep in Cassie with nothing between us was the best thing I've felt in my entire life. Her hot pussy was like a velvet vice, squeezing--

A message pops up startles me out of my memory.

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CASSIE: I'm on birth control. I'm clean. I haven't been with anyone in almost two years.

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A sigh of relief gusts from me, both because I won't have to fumble with a condom and because we were protected the first time.

Then I type.

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BEN: I'm clean too.

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I hesitate before adding:

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BEN: you were my first.

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***

Cassie

At a few minutes til midnight I quietly close my door, walking the two short blocks to Sheffield park.

I'm wearing a hoodie that's fitted to my slim body, leggings, and sneakers, my hair in a ponytail. I wasn't sure what the proper attire was for a rape fantasy, but I figured running might be involved so I went with comfort.

I'm nervous.

My heart thumps against my rib cage, my hands tremble, and it's quiet. Too quiet. I can hear the faint buzz of the street lamp, the low purr of a car driving by somewhere in the distance. My own ragged breathing is loud in my ears.

My mind returns to our text messages earlier. And more specifically, Ben's bomb.

I was his first? How is that even possible? He looks to be somewhere in his mid twenties and could be Jax Teller's twin.

But then I remember his issues, and I can absolutely believe it.

I turn into the park, a large tract of land that's mostly wooded. There's a playground, a small clearing with wooden picnic tables, and several paved jogging trails that wind through the trees.

My skin prickles, and I whip my head around, searching the darkness, but I don't see anyone.

Not for the first time, I question my sanity.

But I keep going.

Turning onto one of the trails, I stuff my hands in my pockets and breathe slowly, trying to calm my racing heart.

Wind whistles through the trees and leaves rustle as I walk deeper into the woods.

The light from the street lamps on the park's perimeter fades, so I take out my iPhone to use it as a flashlight.

As I fumble to open it, I hear the crunch of boots and the snapping of twigs just off the path somewhere behind me.

It's him.

My flight instinct kicks in, and I don't look behind me. I just run.

As I run I realize I must've dropped my phone when I heard him approach. It's dark. So dark that I can barely make out the shapes of trees to dodge them.

His footfalls behind me are like crashing cymbals through the dried brush.

Closer.

Closer.

I swear I can feel his breath on my neck.

Blood rushes in my ears and my heart is in my throat and then--

A strong arm bands around my waist and a hard body tackles me to the ground. Sharp twigs puncture my leggings and my face hits the dirt, the pain combined with the fall knocking the breath out of me.

His breath is harsh behind me as he straddles me. Adrenaline rushes through my body and I buck as hard as I can, but he controls me easily, putting one hand on my back and pushing my chest to the ground while trapping my lower body beneath his hips.

Whimpers escape my lips as I feel his hardness prod my ass. One hand fists my ponytail, wrapping it around his hand and pulling back on it hard enough to bring a prickle of tears to my eyes.

He tugs and my head jerks painfully. Getting the message, I let him lead me up, onto my knees.

I look up at Ben, his face shadowed by the darkness. He's wearing his usual getup- dark track pants, a black t-shirt. A black beanie covers his dirty blond hair and his forehead, ending just above his slashing eyebrows.

His eyes burn into mine as he grips my jaw with one hand and then forces two fingers inside my mouth. Driven by instinct, I draw on them, and above me I hear him expel his breath sharply.

Withdrawing his fingers, he holds my mouth open and with the other hand tugs his pants down. His cock springs out and I have barely a second to take in his sizable erection before he is shoving it past my lips.

My eyes well with moisture as the large head of his cock hits the back of my throat. Above me, Ben gives a low, harsh groan as I gag helplessly around him. Panic flashes through me as I struggle to breathe and for a moment I think I might have to use my safe word -- but I'm not even sure how I'd be able to with my lips stretched around him like this.

He withdraws and relief hits like a tidal wave. I suck in air greedily before he thrusts back in. This time I swallow as his fat head bottoms out and I can feel his body jerk as my throat lets him in.

As he uses my mouth, the relief gives way to a sharp ache between my legs.

His hand grips my ponytail and pulls my head back. His length slips from between my lips, a string of saliva running between my mouth and the thick, plum-like tip.

Roughly, Ben pushes me face down again, yanking my hips up. One large hand delves beneath the top of my leggings, skimming between my cheeks before plunging underneath my panties, sinking two fingers into my wetness. I cry out as he withdraws them, already feeling empty as he smears the evidence of my arousal over my lower lips.

Ben growls and grips the waistband of my leggings, ripping them down. The sound of fabric tearing pushes my heart rate even higher. I feel the chilly air on my bare flesh and then he's there, the broad head of his cock at my entrance.

My breath leaves my body in a rush as he rams his length inside me in one forceful movement. I'm gasping into the dirt as he pulls out and slams in again and again and it feels fucking incredible, the adrenaline coursing through me and the pain-pleasure and the crisp air and the danger of getting caught all mixing together and giving me the best rush I've ever had.

Even though I'm trapped under him and held immobile I feel completely free.

His hand creeps around to my throat and he squeezes lightly as he angles his hips differently and begins hitting a spot deep inside and it's too much, suddenly, and without warning the wave hits me. Shudders wrack my body as I come, my walls clenching around his cock.

His hips snap against my ass, the force of his thrusts pushing me harder into the dirt as I ride out my orgasm, and his breath is heavy and fast in my ear. His pounding into me triggers a second orgasm, and I clamp down on him again, rippling around his thickness.

He stills and spurts inside me with a low groan, and I feel the stickiness of his release just before my eyes roll back and everything goes black.