I've found a way to make myself a little extra cash. It's called eBay. You've probably heard of it. I use it for both buying and selling. What I do is, I go through the local second-hand and charity shops, looking around and seeing if anything appeals. If I find something that I like and it's cheap I buy it. Once home I check on the internet to see what it is worth and then flog it for a nice price on eBay.
My alternative method is to check things at random on eBay. Once again I find I can get things cheap and resell them at a higher price. I don't know why people don't put more research into the value of things before they sell them.
Every so often I have to arrange to go out to some place to actually get my hands on the goods. I don't mind this as I get a chance to talk down the price. Mind you, I am absolutely hopeless with a street directory. I heap praises on the guy who invented GPS and Navigator systems. I just punch in the address and away I go.
Today, things had gone slightly wrong. I punched in the address and I followed the directions. I really did. Now I was in the middle of the bush at the end of a dead-end road, with the Navigator insisting I go another two hundred yards and turn right.
I fished out the street directory and looked up the map for where I was supposed to be. I eventually found the right map and there was the road, continuing straight ahead of me. The only trouble was, it just wasn't there.
I got out of the car and strolled over to the end of the road, hoping that there was a bend in the road that I hadn't noticed. No such luck. The road just came to this point and stopped. Why the hell would it do that? There were no side paths, no drives, no houses, and nothing that I'd consider to be a walking track. This was just plain stupid.
I was heading back to the car to reset the Navigator to pick a different road when a man called out to me.
"What's up, Miss? You seem a little lost?"
I looked over and there was this man coming out from amongst the trees. He was big and beefy, and not exactly un-handsome. Dressed the way I assumed that a logger would dress. He was also scoping me out, quite blatantly.
Not that I blamed him for that. I'm quite an attractive bundle, even if I do say so myself. Also, I was dressed to negotiate a better price on the stuff I was potentially buying. This meant I was wearing a flirty skirt that showed off my legs to their best advantage and a lacy blouse with a certain amount of demure cleavage showing. It was the sort of blouse that was loose enough to enable a lot more cleavage to be shown if I leaned forward.
Not that I had any intention of leaning forward for this guy. Still, I wouldn't mind a bit of information, like, where has the road gone?
"Ah, hi," I said. "Um, according to the Navigator this road just goes straight on through, but it's not there."
"That would be because of our forward thinking council," the man said with a smile. "You see, they have a number of roads planned, and have had them marked in our official maps. They just haven't got around to building all of them. I believe the last stretch of this road is scheduled to be done in a couple of years, if they can find the money. If not, they'll defer it again."
Stupid council. Stupid Navigator. You'd think they'd make sure that only roads that actually exist were on their maps. Now I'd have to back-track and find my way around, which also meant I'd probably be late for my appointment. I wondered if I should give the man a ring to let him know I'd be delayed or should I see if I could make up time.
What I should have been doing is watching the guy with the wandering eyes. It turned out he also had wandering hands. I mean, there I was, standing next to my car, my mind on how to reprogram the Navigator to go a different way, and I find my boobs are in a man's hands.
I'm, like, what the fuck!? I didn't express it quite like that, of course. Rather I took a step back, out of his greedy clutches, and spoke quite politely, even though I wanted to rant at him like a politician who'd lost a perk.
"Do you mind? I'd rather you didn't do that," I told him. See. I can be polite. Lot of good it did me.
He just advanced a step and I found I couldn't back up any further because my legs were already brushing against the car's bumper bar. Not that he tried to grab my breasts again. Oh, no, not him. Instead, he flicked open the top button of my blouse.
When I say the top button, it was really about the third. I'd already had the first two undone to give that touch of innocent cleavage I wanted. The third button undone meant that my cleavage was now quite impressive and not nearly so innocent.
I gave an annoyed yelp and grabbed for the button to do it up again, but found his hands were in the way, because he was already working on the fourth button.
I slapped at his hands and tried to push them away, while speaking very firmly.
"Stop that. Just what do you think you're doing?"
"I'd have thought it was obvious," he said, with a bit of a laugh in his voice. "I'm taking off your blouse."
"Well stop it. You can't do that."
"You mean I shouldn't do that. It must be obvious to you that I can."
He was right. He already had my buttons undone and was pushing the blouse down off my shoulders. I was clutching at it and protesting and he was just peeling my hands away from it and taking it off. I couldn't believe that a man would do such a thing. In public yet. I took a swing at him.
Big mistake that. I gave a small scream, thinking I'd broken my hand. Mr Suave promptly took hold of my hand, rubbing it gently.
"No damage," he said, "but you'd probably be better off not doing that again. You could have broken a finger doing that."
"Just leave me alone and go away," I hissed. I could feel tears in my eyes from that slap, and he'd just ignored it. Brute.
My blouse was now dangling from his finger and he tossed it onto the hood of the car. Stupid me turned to grab for it, presenting my back to him for all of two seconds. Apparently two seconds is ample time for a man who knows what he's doing to reach out and unclip a woman's bra. I was reaching for my blouse and then found my bra was sliding down my arms, leaving me exposed. I squealed and snatched my arms (and bra) up across my breasts.
"What is your problem?" I wailed at him. "Just what do you think you're playing at?"
He caught my wrists and quite effortlessly pulled them away from my breasts, bringing the bra with them (naturally). His eyes were all over my breasts, checking me out like a politician looking for new taxes.
"Very nice," he told me. "Don't try to cover them."
He pushed my hands down to my sides.
"If you don't mind?" I grated. "Why are you doing this?"
"I can tell you're a blonde," he said.
I'm like, say what? What had my being blonde got to do with things? He must have seen my puzzled look.
"I'm taking off your clothes and you're dumb enough to ask why? Why do you think a man is going to take off a woman's clothes?"