The next few days were the hardest of my life. It was even harder than dealing with the death of my husband. I couldn't believe what happened, what I allowed to happen.
The rest of the weekend, I stayed hiding in my room. I was unable to face Kevin. I told him I was sick, which was true. I was sick to my stomach of shame and guilt.
Come Monday, that sickness also included dread. I was terrified that Kevin would find out what happened. I was scared to death of what his reaction would be if he found out that I let Marcus, his bully and tormentors, have sex with me not once but twice.
Thankfully, I didn't have to worry. Kevin never said anything. But for that first week, my nerves were afraid every time I heard Kevin come home from school.
Thankfully, every time he walked in the door, Kevin was in a good mood. He never brought up anything about Marcus and I.
Slowly my anxiety and stress level started to go down as the week went by. That is until Friday rolled around.
I was scared put of my mind that Marcus would show up Saturday morning. Worse, I was afraid of what would happen if he did. I don't know what I was more afraid of; Marcus showing up and the two of us having sex again or what Marcus would do if I was finally able to say no.
Saturday morning, I tried to keep myself busy. Doing laundry, vacuuming, cleaning, everything I could think of. Nothing helped. Every few minutes I was glancing at a clock or looking out the windows.
I let out s huge sigh of relief when Marcus's normal arrival time passed with no sign of him. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders.
Things settled back down and returned to normal for the weekend and the start of the week. It wasn't till the mid week that I realised I had a different problem. I was constantly horny and wanting sex.
After my husband died, I had spent the first few months grieving and looking after Kevin. I didn't have any desire for sex and got used to living without. When the desire returned, masturbating worked to please myself.
Now, after 6 years without sex, finally having it again made me crave it more. On the Thursday morning I woke up very excited. I waiting till Kevin had gone to school before I started.
I started with my fingers, but that felt more like teasing. I took out my vibrator and dildo. I pressed the vibrator to my clit. It was better but still not enough.
I switched to my dildo and started to slowly slide it in and out. I started to speed up, but even that was not fulfilling. I then used both my vibrator and dildo at the same time.
Eventually, I was able to cum but an hour later I was horny again. I tried to ignore it but when it got too much to ignore, I went back to my bedroom and played again. And then again.
Even in the evening, after Kevin had gone to bed, I had the overwhelming desire for sexual pleasure. This time I turned on some porn as I played.
At first I watched the first video that popped up on the list. I quickly realized that wasn't what I want to see. I did a quick search and found what I wanted.
Within moments I was watching a white woman having sex with a black man. Actually, it was more her getting fucked hard.
I tried to match the pace the man had in the video, but I wasn't able to. I watched and listened as the woman moaned, screamed, and begged for more. Pretty quickly my eyes were closed as I listened.
A few moments later, my mind was filled with the memories of how Marcus fucked me the second time. The memories of his hard and aggressive approach coupled with the sounds of the video made me cum harder than any other time that day.
As I slowly drifted off to sleep, I was content thinking I got it out of my system. But I was very wrong.
When I woke up on Friday, I was just as horny as I had been last night. Again, I waited till Levin had gone to school before rushing back to my bedroom.
I skipped using my fingers and went straight to the dildo. I didn't turn on any porn this time. Instead, I began to fantasize about a black man fucking me.
I quickly began to realize, the dildo I was using wasn't cutting it anymore. After having Marcus's big member inside of me, I want something as big.
Immediately the black man I was fantasizing about turned into Marcus. Memories of laying on the table, watching him enter me mingles with the memory of being bent over and fucked hard.
I kept wondered what it would have looked like if Marcus had fucked me as hard as he did the second time except with me laying on the table. That thought gave me a large orgasm.
Once I calmed down, I opened an the internet and started browsing larger dildos. I was shocked with how massive some of them were.
I started looking at some that I thought were the same size as Marcus. After a few seconds I realised what I was doing. I immediately closed the browser and shut the computer off.
I had to get control of myself. I had to stop thinking of Marcus, especially when playing with myself. But it was easier said than done.
It got to the point where I stopped playing with myself. I couldn't trust my mind and what I would think about.
Not playing only made things worse. The want and desire was heightening everyday.
I would be at the gym or shopping and I would see an attractive man, sometimes man unattractive man too. I would start to wonder how big he was, how he liked to have sex, positioning, and stamina. It was like I was in heat.
By Sunday night, two weeks after Marcus, I couldn't take it anymore. I took out my toys and played for what seemed like hours. I was such a sweaty mess by the end.
I wish I could say I was satisfied but I wasn't. I still desperately wanted a man. And it wasn't just the desire for sex. I wanted to be fucked. I want the hard and fast race to orgasm sex. It seemed to dominate my every thought.
So, on the Thursday night, when my best friend Cindy said we should have a night out on Friday, I jumped at the chance. I had known Cindy since we were kids. She had been married once upon a time, but after it ended badly, she never had a significant romantic relationship again. I knew I could ask her some things and not be judged.
I knew my eagerness caught her off guard. Normally I would take some convincing, or would just say no to stay home with Kevin. But I was anything but normal.
We decided to go out for a late dinner and then go to a pub she likes. We also decided to take n Uber or a cab in case we both drank too much.
I had some difficulty deciding on what to wear. At first, I was going to wear my favorite dress, but then I remembered Marcus had ruined it when he ripped off the buttons. The memory started to get me excited to the point I had to openly fight to get ready.
I settled on a black dress I had. I hugged my figure nicely, showed a little cleavage, and went halfway down my leg. It was both a little conservative but also sexy.
I knew it was a good choice when Cindy met me at the restaurant and said I looked good. We chatted for a bit and had some good laughs over dinner.
The pub we were going to after was only a few blocks away so we decided to walk. Halfway there, it started to get a little breezy. It wasn't bad just made things a little chilly.
By the time we got to the club, I was glad to get into the warmth. Cindy made a joke about whether I was cold or nipply. I couldn't help but look down to see my nipples were erect. I was embarrassed, but there was no way to hide it.
We went to the bar and ordered some drinks. We turned around and leaned against the bar as we looked around the room.
Across the room, sitting at a both was a very attractive black man. He looked to be in his mid thirties. He had on a white golf shirt that was tight enough to show his muscles.
I couldn't help but get a little excited while looking at him. I felt my face blush when he turned and looked my way and saw me checking him out.
He did a head to toe look at me and then smiled at me. I immediately turned to Cindy.
"That guy across the room is checking me out." I said to her.
"Which one?" Cindy asked as she looked over. "The black guy?"
