It started with small gestures. Mr. Brady would say something funny to the class, but when everyone had turned their heads down to write notes, he'd slip me a sly wink. "You look happy today!" was replaced with "Are you sure that skirt is long enough?" said with feigned concern, tinkling laugher, and always that secret wink. He would brush part me, and momentarily our hands would touch. One day, I was the last to leave class and his friendly voice floated out the door with me: "bye babe!"
It all seemed so innocuous, coming from my teacher. Sometimes, I would feel uncomfortable, or the hair on my arms might raise at whatever new thing he contrived to say to me that no one else ever seemed to hear ("Looks like you're not wearing a bra today!"), but each new thing became the new normal until I was blowing kisses after each "bye babe" and leaving class later and later, kept by some task or another that he gave me at the last moment of class.
We became Facebook friends. He grabbed my arm one day after class and told me my essay was "fascinating," still holding my arm gently as I thanked him, moving his thumb in small and reassuring circles.
"Looks like you had a fun time at the beach," he whispered while he passed out papers another day. I blushed. Was he was referring to a rather risqué bikini pic I had posted on Facebook the night before? "Your skin has a healthy glow." I relaxed. He didn't know about the picture after all! He just noticed my tan. He was so warm, and his eyes so kind, it was easy to brush off. Mr. Brady was the cool teacher, if a little nerdy. The one everyone wanted a smile from or wanted to impress. I wanted those things too.
Summer was nearing and everyone was excited for the end of school. I was wrapped up in the excitement too: gossiping with my best friend Cynthia, making plans with people left and right for beach trips and summer fun, finishing up the last big projects and essays and tests for my class. It was nice to have an ally in Mr. Brady, a calm friend in the raging storm of high school drama.
The year was a lightning bolt, passing in no time at all. Suddenly, it was May 1st, I had just turned 18, and the end of senior year was only one month away.
"He sounds like a real gentleman." Mr. Brady's voice floated above the class's chuckles, snapping me out of a daydream. We were taking about Genghis Khan. I snorted. A real gentleman indeed.
Mr. Brady snapped the textbook shut in his hands. "Looks like we only have a few minutes left in class, so why don't you all leave a little early and just enjoy the nice weather?" The immediate scraping of chairs and zipping backpacks indicated that none of the class wanted to give him time to take back his offer. In less than a minute, I was leaving last as usual when I heard his familiar voice: "Abby, would you mind staying a moment to help me straighten up?"
"Of course!" I said cheerfully. After all, who would mind staying a few minutes to talk with a friend? He looked somewhat apologetic, so I gave him a beaming smile to show I didn't mind. As I walked around picking up stray papers, he went over to close the door against the din in the hallway.
"The last day of class is only a month away, are you excited?"
"Of course, Mr. Brady!"
"Oh Abby, I'm wounded!" he playacted, "You're so excited to be rid of me." A secret wink.
I backtracked. "Well, I'll miss coming in class and seeing you too!" He nodded solemnly. "But I think I'm ready for summer, for free time you know?"
"For beach time?" I blushed thinking back to the picture of me in the bikini. Had he seen it? No, he couldn't have. I put it on private. He gave a friendly chuckle before continuing the conversation wistfully, "I remember my beach days. We used to do beach week after the end of the year. Is that still a thing?"
I nodded eagerly. "Oh yes, and I've got loads of plans. I'm going to go up with Courtney and Cynthia..."
We had moved to his desk by the time I finished telling him my plans. He was sitting at the desk, and me across as usual. I felt utterly comfortable; after all, I had stayed after class to chat with Mr. Brady loads of times. He was my friend.
When I finished, Mr. Brady looked suddenly serious. He reached over to clasp my hands, sending my hair prickling on end. But he looked concerned, and I was curious, so I leaned in and asked him what was the matter.
"Abby, I consider you one of my closest students, and I like to think that I'm a pretty good teacher."
"Oh you are! Of course you ar-" But he squeezed my hands to silence me.
"You know, you are one of the only students that I am friends with on Facebook. I think you're really mature, and a good student. But I was so disappointed by the beach picture you posted recently. I feel it's my duty to talk to you about it."
My face reddened. I new exactly what picture he was talking about: I was sitting on the beach, laughing. Cynthia had taken the picture at the exact moment that Courtney undid the back of my bikini and my hands had shot up to grab the cups to keep from flashing everyone. It was a cute picture, one of the rare ones of me with a candid smile. And looking hot in my bikini was just a cherry on top. But I had set it to private: only friends could see that I had uploaded the picture minus family and Mr. Brady.
I felt suddenly aware of the quiet stillness of the room. With the door closed, we felt like the only two people in the world. I didn't want there to be any awkwardness between us, and it was so embarrassing that he had seen my bikini picture. It was really only meant for my friends. He was a friend, but my other friends. My high school friends.
I started babbling incoherently, trying to explain that he shouldn't be able to see the picture without making it sound too hurtful, but he squeezed my hands and cut me off again.