I wish I could say that the summer before my nineteenth birthday never happened, but it did. There are some people who will still not let me forget it.
As a twentieth wedding anniversary present, my father decided to surprise Mom by taking her on a month-long cruise in Alaska. This meant, of course, that my brother, Jeremy, and I would have to have a babysitter. I don't know why this is, being that he is twenty,although maybe a little irresponsible, but leave it to my folks to come up with some stupid reason. So, they shipped us off to live with my Uncle Randy. He's this fifty-something recluse who likes to "live off the land". This is one of those "reasons" my parents thought he would be a good guardian for us. We could learn a lot from Uncle Randy. No tv, no video games, no friends...no fucking way! But, there was no way we were going to get out of it. So, Jeremy and I packed our shit and drove forty-five minutes into the middle of nowhere with our uncle in a stinky Jeep. By stinky, I mean: beer, B.O., and I think maybe a little weed.
Anyway, the house, and I use this term lightly, was parked right at the edge of a pretty lake that I never even knew existed. Maybe this wouldn't be such a bad few weeks. I brought my Walkman, bathing suit and about a thousand magazines. I mean, what else was there to do? Chop firewood? Snare rabbits?
We no sooner got inside when Randy began laying down the house rules: do not touch the beer, the radio, the car keys, the canoe, and do not enter his bedroom at any time. The most important rule, and the one which I wished I had never broken, however accidentally, was never to interrupt his weekly poker game, the one he has religiously each Thursday night with three of his Neanderthal buddies from town.
Here begins my story...During the fourth and final week of our stay here, Jeremy and I had been out all day long on our own little treasure hunt. Whoever found the most items from the list got to sleep on the couch instead of the floor. We played games like this most days to decide. On this day, I was getting really tired of sleeping on the floor, so I stayed out a bit longer searching for my items. Around seven o'clock, I heard Jeremy calling me from the edge of the woods.
"Morgan! Come on, it's almost time for the guys to show up! We have to get back before we get locked out!"
"Jesus Jeremy! Relax...we can sneak in through the kitchen window and pretend we were in there the whole time."
"Just come on Morgan. Oh, by the way...I'm getting the couch! Again!" He laughed. "Oh shit. They're here already."
"Come on, " I said, "we'll do the window thing."
As quickly and quietly as we could, Jeremy lifted me up to the ledge and pushed me through, then climbed up and in himself. We made it. I mean, really, what's the big friggin' deal. Interrupting a hillbilly card game! Ooh, slap the cuffs on me, Officer!
"What the fuck have I told you two about Thusday night?"
My Uncle Randy. And he didn't look happy. If fact, he looked pretty wasted. I could smell the dope all the way from the living room.
"I thought the guys weren't supposed to be here until nine? I'm sorry, Uncle Randy. We'll go back outside and wait until they leave," I suggested with a little smile.
"I have a better idea," his eyes lighting up again, "why don't you get your little ass in gear and fix us something to eat. Bring us some more beer too. Wash your fucking hands first too!"
"Sure, ok. Sandwiches and chips?"
"I don't give a shit, just make it fast. Hey Jeremy, want to play a couple hands with me and the boys?"
I couldn't believe it! My brother gets to play poker and I have to be their goddamn servant!
"Yeah, I'll play. You'll have to give me some pointers though, I've never played before." Jeremy was gushing! What an asshole.
Uncle Randy grabbed him by the shoulder and ushered him out into the den while I was left standing there with my jaw on the floor.
"They're all out there having a good ole time. I'm making bologna sandwiches! Men are such assholes!"
I can hear them all out there, laughing and smoking and drinking...this is just great. Too bad for Jeremy, I'm taking the couch!
I bring their snacks and lay them on the side table. Turning to leave, I hear one of the men say, "Hey Pretty, want to sit down and play?"
"Seriously?" I ask.
"Why not, you can even sit on my lap since there's no chairs left!" Laughter from the whole group. I knew it had to be a joke.
"Wait, where are you going?" he whines.
"I'm going to bed! You're all a bunch of dinks!" I scream on my way out the door.
Randy joins me on the porch. Sitting a little too close for comfort, he says, "You're being very rude to my guests. They offered to let you play with us, I think you should come and play."
"He's a pervert! They all are!"
Before I know what's happening, Uncle Randy slaps me across my face.
"You watch your mouth, little lady! Now, move your ass. You're gonna come and be nice to my friends!"
Biting back the tears, I get up and follow him back in.
"Sit!" he orders.
I take a seat beside my brother and another man. I can feel all eyes on me. I'm not going to let these jerks see me cry and am going to try and make the best of this. So, I pick up my cards and pretend to know what I'm doing. Of course, I lose...big time!
Randy leers over at me and says, "I guess this means you're first to lose your clothes, little girl."
"What? I'm not taking off my clothes!"
