I like hiking in the mountains as a means of keeping fit. About once a week I'd drive up to a Diner up in the mountains and use that as a starting point to go for a hike for a couple of hours. There were five trails leaving the Diner heading in different directions. There were also cross trails higher up so you could go up one trail, wander down the cross trail, and come back by a different route.
It was late afternoon and I'd been on the trail for about half an hour and it was becoming painfully obvious to me that I should have attended to nature's call before I left the Diner. There was no way I was hiking back down to the Diner and I decided a short excursion off the trail was called for.
I left the trail heading a little deeper into the woods. While there were lots of trees there was very little undergrowth, and I found I had to go a little deeper than I had intended before I was out of sight of the trail. Anyway, I answered nature's call and was about to head back to the trail when there was a rather raucous noise over my head and, looking up, I saw a flash of colour.
There were some parrots in the trees above me. Colourful birds, those parrots, and I decided to take a few pictures. Of course, with natural perversity, the damned parrots flew to another tree as soon as I lifted the camera. Then it was a game of hide and seek for about ten minutes, but I did wind up getting a few choice shots.
Smiling with pleasure as I looked at the pictures I headed back to the trail. The trouble was it wasn't where I'd left it. I walked confidently through the trees and, instead of finding the trail, I found more trees. Time to stop and think things through.
I was working out how to get back to the trail when someone spoke to me, causing me to give a little yip. I didn't scream. I just made a small noise to show that I was startled.
"You're looking a little lost, lady," this deep voice said to me.
That's when I made a little noise.
"No need to scream," came the voice. "I'm just checking to see if you're all right."
"I did not scream," I said, all offended dignity. "I was just expressing my surprise at meeting someone out here."
While I was talking I was also turning around to see who was there. Ye gods – a dwarf? Well, I guess that technically the guy wasn't a dwarf, just a little on the short side. OK. A lot on the short side. I doubt that he was over five feet tall. To balance this he was a good three of four feet wide, and it wasn't fat. He had on a sleeveless shirt and his arms were just bulging with muscles. If he'd been a foot taller he'd have been a real wow of a man. As it was. . .
"So, are you lost or not," he asked.
"No," I said with some irritation. "I'm not lost."
"That's good," he said, and he had a nasty little smile. "So where are you?" he asked.
It was a damned good question. Fortunately I'd had a chance to work out where I was.
"I left the trail on the left hand side," I told him. "If I face up-hill the trail is to my right. All I have to do is walk towards my right and not go up or down-hill and I'll be back on the trail. If I go to the left I'd find another trail but it's a lot further away. Or I can walk straight downhill and I'll finish up at the Diner."
That proved I wasn't lost. It was just that I wasn't a hundred percent sure of my location.
"Very good," he said. "You seem to have thought things through. Apart from the fact that you can't reach the left hand trail from here very easily and you'd have to try and cross the creek going downhill."
Now that he mentioned the creek I remembered that there was a bridge on the trail that crossed a creek. I'd hate to have to cross it without the bridge as it was running rather full. Still, I should be able to find the right hand trail easily enough.
"I'll give you a tip on helping yourself find out the direction to go," he said. "Close your eyes and listen, trying to ignore any bird calls."
I shrugged and did as he said. With my eyes closed my hearing seemed clearer and I found I could hear faint cries in the distance. I opened my eyes again.
"People are noisy creatures," he said, and I jumped, because he was now standing right next to me. "If you listen hard you can generally pick out the direction to go to find them. Kids, especially, are always yelling their fool heads off as they race up and down the trails."
"Um, I see. Thank you for the advice. I'll be heading back to the trail now."
"You're welcome. You'll have a story to tell your friends. I can just see you now, telling the girls about how you got lost in the woods and this tall handsome logger came to your rescue."
I couldn't help myself. "Tall?" I asked with a laugh.
"Well, of course tall. You're not going to tell your friends that a little man pulled down your panties and molested you. You'll find that you'll describe me as over six foot tall. Too embarrassing to say a dwarf jumped you."
He was rather blunt about his intentions and I was woefully slow in realising what he'd said. To be honest I was half ignoring him, planning my route back to the trail. By the time my hearing and interpretation reached my consciousness it was too late.
I was hiking and the weather was reasonably warm, which meant I was dressed for hiking in warm weather. I had on yoga pants, because they're comfortable, and a sports bra and t-shirt. I now found that there was a major problem with yoga pants. They're stretchy and tight and you pull them up and don't need to worry about buttons. That lack of buttons meant that they could also be pulled down easily and this little runt was doing that before I could stop him.
I gave another small yip (not a scream) and took a swing at him.
"Don't do that," he said, ducking easily. "You could hurt your hand trying to slap me. And stop screaming. No-one is here to hear you. If any-one did, they'd just think it was a bird."
"I wasn't screaming. Just protesting," I said trying to push him away. "Just what do you think you're playing at?"
My pushing at him was like trying to push a wall over. He didn't even seem to notice it. And it was obvious what he was playing at. While I was pushing at him he was busy pulling at my panties and now they had joined my yoga pants down around my knees.
I switched from pushing at him and started trying to pound on him with my closed fists. I might as well have been hitting him with a feather duster. He was holding me close up against him, his face pressed against my bosom, while his hands were running over my bare bottom.
After I'd pounded on him a couple of times he pulled back slightly.
"You should stop that," he advised me, speaking quite calmly. "You're going to bruise your hands if you keep it up."