Thursday, October 9
I haven't kept a journal for around 30 years, but I'm very confused, and I need to write in order to make sense of today's events. Writing a story in my journal about each of my days used to help me a lot when I was in college, and I'm hoping that it will work for me now.
I thought it would be good when they promoted me last year to be in charge of Global IT, but boy, was I wrong! All I seem to do is go to boring meetings and deal with stupid corporate bullshit instead of managing software projects. Sometimes I hate this fucking job, but with the economy being what it is, it's going to be a pain in the ass finding something else right now.
However, there's one compensation: I have a private office with a door that locks, and I take advantage of that to view my porn each day. Usually, I masturbate in my office. In addition to the sexual pleasure this gives me, it's a good stress reliever and it helps my otherwise difficult days go by.
My porn consists of erotic videos, and I carry it with me on an encrypted memory stick on my keychain. Whenever I want to view it, I lock my office door, mount the memory stick, plug in my headphones, and view my videos directly from it. After doing that late this morning, I was in a state of unfulfilled sexual arousal when I went to lunch, because I was interrupted by a phone call before I brought myself to orgasm, and I didn't have time to continue once I ended the call, due to today's busy schedule.
I usually eat after the normal lunch hour when the cafeteria isn't too crowded. However, today I had a 1:00 PM meeting and had to go earlier than usual, right during the time when things are busiest. On days like today when I don't eat with my usual lunch companions, I prefer to sit alone and admire the more attractive women who make their way through the cafeteria. Luckily, I managed to grab the only empty two-seater table in the cafeteria. It was near the back, which gave me an excellent vantage point.
As I enjoyed both my meal and the view, a woman swept around me from behind and stood across the table from me, tray in hand.
"Hello Mr. Martin," she said with a noticeable accent, smiling. "May I sit here?"
She was a rather attractive young Latina who looked vaguely familiar to me. She seemed to be in her mid-twenties and was around 5'2" or 5'3", with long dark hair, dark eyes, a tan complexion, and extremely pretty features. She had the body type I love the most: petite with a slim waist, a round but proportionate ass, and small-to-medium-sized well-formed breasts. She must have been someone in my department, because I'm the only manager here who allows my personnel to wear "business casual" attire to work. This is supposed to consist of tastefully non-formal clothes, but this woman was definitely pushing it to the limit, with the ass-hugging pants she was wearing and her tight, button-down top of slightly see-through material that allowed a vague hint of her dark, skimpy bra to show through. Plus, she was standing in a pose that exuded an "I know I'm hot" attitude.
I normally don't fraternize with my employees, and especially not with a young, attractive woman, given that corporations these days are so concerned about sexual harassment and abuse-of-authority issues. However, I guess my judgment was impaired by my horniness after my unfulfilled masturbation and by the fact that this woman was so attractive. I thought it would be OK to allow her to sit with me as long as I acted formal, proper, and boss-like.
I made a show of looking around the crowded eating area and then said in a voice loud enough for any nearby snoops to hear, "Well, sure. I know how hard it is to find a seat at this hour in the cafeteria." I knew that probably sounded a little bit rude, but I had to behave that way in order to keep my public behavior above reproach.
"Thank you," she replied as she seated herself. "I do not know if you remember me, Sir. I started my work here almost three weeks ago. You spoke to us during the orientation. My name is Cristina Rodriguez. I work in the group of Network Operations." She extended her hand graciously.
Her English wasn't incorrect, but she spoke like someone who learned it in a foreign language class and who was less familiar with the normal rhythms of everyday speech. There was something about that which I found charming. Furthermore, I liked her formal politeness which seemed to be typical for many of the Hispanic people who work for me, especially those born in other countries. I took her hand in a polite manner and told her that I do recall seeing her there, not mentioning that I hadn't remembered her name. I asked her how she liked working here so far, and she replied with the usual platitudes that a new hire would normally say to the head of their department: that she liked the job and her boss, that the people she worked with were great, etc.
I gave polite responses, and then there was a period of silence while we ate. In maintaining my corporate role, I felt it was necessary for me not to lead the conversation with her, lest she think I was coming on to her. I have to be very careful about these things in my position. This was more difficult than usual for me, because I found Ms. Rodriguez to be extremely attractive, and coming on to her is exactly what I would have wanted to do if it wasn't such an inappropriate thing in this situation. Also, I was glad that there was a table between us, so that she couldn't see the erection that was already starting to grow in my pants as I admired her in front of me. I was already horny from my unfulfilled masturbation, and she was augmenting those feelings.
After a little while, she spoke again. "Sir, I hope you don't think that I came to this table only because there were not many places to sit. When I saw you here, I wanted to sit with you."
This caught me by surprise. I wouldn't have expected a beautiful young woman like her to want to seek out a man who was probably as old as her father. Of course, due to my concerns about corporate propriety, I had to hide my happiness and sexual excitement. "Oh? Really?" I replied, trying very hard to convey a tone of condescending but polite distance.
"Yes, Sir," she replied with a smile as she tossed her head to make her hair go back over her shoulder. "I know that you are the boss of the department of IT, and I have a question that I want to ask you."
The toss of her head sent sexual desire through me, but the subsequent realization that she was here for a work-related matter immediately killed that feeling. For a moment I felt a twinge of disappointment, because I had been entertaining the thought that she might have actually been interested in me as a man. But I silently reminded myself that I need to be realistic about such things, given how much older I am than she is. But also, I felt slightly relieved, because it now would be easier to maintain the proper corporate decorum given that her interest in talking to me had to do with her job.
"Oh, well I hope I can answer your question," I replied kindly and graciously, but still with some distance and formality.
"Thank you very much, Sir," she responded with a bright smile and some body language that conveyed gratitude and appreciation. The subtle motion of her body drew my attention to the way that the shape of her lovely breasts strained the buttons of her tightly fitting top. This caused a slight opening between the buttons nearest to her breasts, and I could see a tiny glimpse of her black bra. I found myself trying to imagine how she would look without her blouse and also with bare breasts, but then I caught myself and quickly withdrew my gaze from her chest. Another surge of desire went through me.
She was looking me in the eyes the whole time, but thankfully, she didn't react to the momentary shift of my gaze onto her chest. I hoped that meant that she wasn't paying attention to that. She continued, "What I would like to know, Sir, is how do you feel about the way I look in my clothes?"
"Excuse me?!" I blurted out, having been taken totally by surprise. This put me into a confused and conflicted state. First of all, this is not a proper subject in a corporate environment, especially between a male supervisor and a much younger female employee. Secondly, I was feeling very excited about how she looked, and it was frustrating to know that I couldn't tell her that. And finally, I was wondering whether this was some sort of come-on, or whether once again my wishful thinking was getting the better of me.
As I struggled for an appropriate answer, I just found myself babbling, "Um ... I'm not sure what you want to know ... I mean ... what do I feel? ... is this ..."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sir," she said, cutting off my stammering response. "Excuse me for interrupting you. English is not my native language, and I know that sometimes I am not clear with the words that I say in your language. What I want to ask you is if you approve of how I look in my clothes."
This sounded no different in substance from the way she originally said it. "You want to know if I ... if I approve of ... of ... um ..."
She smiled again and gave another toss of her head which just served to add some more sexual arousal to the mix of confusing feelings I was experiencing. "I now can see that I am not saying this in a clear manner," she interrupted again. "I will try to explain it in a better way. In my country, the women we always want to be beautiful. Before I came here I used to work in a big company in Colombia, and in that place, we dress very beautifully, and the men there they want us to do that. This is how we are in my country. But when I came here I noticed that the women who work here and in other companies they want to dress in a more plain style. And some of the people they told me that my clothes are not appropriate for this company. But other people they told me that there is no problem with my clothes. I wanted to avoid this problem, and I decided to dress in more of a plain style, and now I am doing that."
If this is a "plain" style for her, I thought to myself, I can imagine how hot she looked before she made the change!
"But even in my plain clothes," she was continuing, "some people they tell me that it is still not appropriate, but other people they say that that there is no problem. I know that you are the boss of the department of IT, and that you make the policy for how your employees wear the clothes. That is why I ask you how you feel about the way I look in my clothes." She smiled and made another subtle move with her body which aroused me yet again.
