Changes

continued ...

"We're leaving?" Jessica asked in disbelief. "But how?"

"We'll have to sneak out the back." Jim was saying as Josh came to look out the window with him. "One of us will have to go out the front, get the car. Pick the rest of us up down the road."

"But they won't let us go." Jessica said, hysteria mounting. "They'll find us!"

"We can hide pretty good Jess," Scott said, moving to the window also.

"No," Jessica said, "they'll find us." She didn't doubt Jim, Josh and Scott's abilities but she was even more certain that Angus and Riley would stop at nothing to catch her if she ran. They had made a point of telling her that several times a day, every day, for the past three years she'd been with them.

"Well then, we'll fight them." Josh replied, "If it comes to that ..."

"We'd better get moving." Jim added. "If we get cornered in here we'll be up shit creek ..."

"I'll get the car." Scott volunteered.

"Okay, we'll meet you up the road." Jim said moving to Jessica, and taking her arm leading her to the hallway, Josh right behind her.

For a moment, a brief moment, Jessica rejoiced at the idea of being free of Riley and most importantly Angus. It was so tempting to just go for it. Life would be so much nicer with Jim, Josh and Scott. She wouldn't have to be afraid anymore.

But despite that, Jessica realized that if the men split up it would be much harder for her to get the justice she wanted for her family. She'd have to track Riley and Angus down separately ... unless ... unless Jim, Josh and Scott managed to gun them down. Kill them in a gunfight.

That wouldn't be the kind of justice she'd been looking for or that her parents would necessarily have endorsed but it would be poetic justice. Killed by their own clan members. She certainly wouldn't lose any sleep over that at night. As Jim propelled her toward the hallway she felt momentary joy at the idea of an Angus ... and Riley ... free life. But then she realized it wouldn't necessarily turn out the way she wanted.

Any combination of things could happen ... they could all end up dead, or just Jim, Josh and Scott and then she'd be stuck with Angus and Riley ... images of the men gunning one another down ran through her head. Her heart squeezed as she imagined bullets ripping Jim, Josh, and Scott apart like they had her family ... and there was that ... right or wrong she love them. Jim, Josh, Scott ... she didn't want to witness their deaths ... be the cause of their deaths.

She had no doubt that they were formidable adversaries but she had a hard time believing that pitted against Riley and Angus they could survive. Riley and Angus were the ones still going out on clan business. Even by Jim, Josh and Scott's own admission they hadn't been active in their cause in years. Her feelings for them were not logical, she knew. Not logical, and in these moments of clarity she realized that it was probably a mortal sin to love the killers of her family. But she did love them, she didn't want them hurt, and she was running out of time to divert the bloodbath she was sure would follow their departure.

"No!" Jessica whispered. "No!" she said again, grabbing Jim's arm and pulling him to a stop. "This is all wrong Jim, it can't happen this way!"

"It'll never work Jess." Jim said. "There may be a flicker of a chance with Riley, but Angus ... he'll just keep on hurting you."

"We don't know that ..." Jessica replied, looking from Jim to Josh behind her and Scott still at the door.

"Did you see Angus' face?" Josh asked. "It's his night with you. There's no way that he's not going to hurt you somehow!"

"I saw it Josh ... trust me, I saw it." Jessica said in a shaky voice. "But they just got back. You all said that they want something from me, that they could learn to love me too. If that's true shouldn't we try? I'll focus on the cars ... on getting Angus to let me work on the cars with him. Maybe that'll be enough."

"But Jessica, Angus ... tonight. He's been gone for a week and I think he needs some release ..." Josh said, remembering the way Angus had been looking at Jessica. "And he's pissed ... Angus pissed is never good."

Jessica nodded ... her eyes wide with worry, "I know." She muttered her resolve beginning to waver.

"Jess I know you said you could never use sex to turn things around with Angus or Riley, but that's the only way this will work. The cars aren't going to cut it babe." Scott said. "If we're going to stay you're going to have to give him what he needs in the bedroom. But that's okay ... you love sex ... it should be easy."

Jessica winced. "Not the way he does it." She said. "He's very ... rough."

"I've been rough plenty of times." Scott said.

"Not that kind of rough ..." Jessica said, her voice trailing.

"You don't ... he doesn't bring you any pleasure?" Scott asked. Jessica shook her head.

"Figures." Josh mumbled, "Always thinking of himself ..."

"Maybe I could give him some of my magazines ... have a talk ..." Scott was saying.

"That'll go over like a lead balloon." Jim said. "Jessica, have you ever told Angus what you like? Showed him?" he added when Jessica looked at him like he was insane.

"No. But I could ... probably ... if I had to." Jessica said her voice fading as the reality of what she was saying sank in.

"No. No way. You shouldn't have to!" Josh said. "We should go, now!"

"Think it through Josh." Jessica replied, her voice trembling, reflecting the terror that gripped her, "What are the chances that Angus and Riley will let me go? What have they promised me over and over again would happen if I ran? They're not going to let me go. And given that their kill count keeps climbing and yours doesn't, how well do you think you'll do against them?"

"We still practice ... we have target practice every fucking day." Jim sputtered, his pride clearly wounded.

"That's good." Jessica interrupted as she saw Josh and Scott preparing to argue too, "But when our lives hang in the balance is that good enough? I don't doubt that you're all very competent ... I witnessed your competence first hand don't forget ..." Jessica added with a shudder, "But that was over three years ago. You know better than I do, are Angus and Riley a force you want to take your chances with? And think about it. Everything you've done for your clan. All the people you've lost, do you really want it all to end by you turning on one another? Killing the friends who are your only remaining family?"

Silence hung in the air. In some tiny distant part of herself Jessica knew she was crazy. Something was wrong with her. Why was she arguing so hard to save these men's lives. Regardless of how good Jim, Josh and Scott had been to her lately it didn't excuse everything they'd done to her, her family, the sixty some odd people they'd each killed.

But she couldn't help how she felt. And at that very moment she didn't have the capacity to do what she knew any other sane person would do and let her captors slaughter one another. And she didn't have the energy or the time to feel guilty about it. She remembered what her parents used to tell her and her brothers all the time, "All you can do is try your best. It doesn't matter what other people think so long as you can honestly say you did the best with what you had available to you. There's no point in beating yourself up about something that you can't change, just work with what you do have and make the best of it." So that was that. She had these men.

"It wouldn't be just Riley and Angus." Jim finally said. There was little doubt that the clan leader, Paul, would make this his business. "The rest of the clan too. Paul would consider this an act of treason. For Riley and Angus he would come after us too."

"Shit ..." Scott hissed. Josh groaned. It seemed that neither he or Josh had considered the rest of the clan.

"I'm sorry Jess." Josh said with a defeated air.

Jessica nodded ... she was paralyzed by fear ... they truly were trapped. She hadn't equated the rest of the clan into the mix at all. She knew the clan was made of up many separate cells that was orchestrated by one central cell but it never occurred to her that they would care about her ... would possible hunt her down. So in the end she really had no choice anyway. She had to make the best of her life here.

"None of this changes anything if either of them hurt you Jess." Jim said, "Clan or no clan, if either of them hit you again they'll answer to us. I promise."

Any comfort Jessica could get from Jim's declaration was decimated when Scott announced, "They're coming back." And hastily unlocked the door.

*************************************

Riley had found Angus throwing his tools around the garage.

"I know what we talked about ..." Angus growled stalking toward Riley, "But you don't find it fucking suspicious that just as we decide to change things up, they've been changed up for us?"

"I know it seems suspicious Angus but unless they have ESP or some other form of mind reading abilities how would Jim, Josh, Scott and especially Jessica know what we'd been talking about?"

"Not fucking ESP ..." Angus grumbled as he stalked around Riley. He knew there was no way they'd read his mind because if they had Jessica would have been handing him the salt ... would have been sitting next to him ...would have requested to spend time with him. Because that's what he wanted, more than anything. It wasn't until Angus had been immersed with the clan again for the first few days of the week that he came to the startling realization that the dreaming, day and night version, he'd been doing about Jessica was far more than just fantasy. It was a need.

And as it turned out Riley had come to the same conclusion, and then they'd spent the rest of the week doing nothing but talking about it. Long discussions about how they'd come home and move forward with Jessica ... be less violent ... find some better ways to keep her in line. They'd both agreed that her lacking sense of self-preservation required that. But they'd simplify the rules so it'd be easier for her to follow them and therefore she could feel freer with them, more relaxed. Which in turn would lead to things like her offering to get them a beer or lunch. So it was more than just a little disconcerting to come home and find her already doing that. Albeit not quite how Angus hoped it would be. Her interactions had been far more focused on Riley or the other men.

Angus stopped pacing as a thought occurred to him. "Do you think the guys heard something from Alisha or Hannah?"

Riley considered that before shrugging. "Possible I guess. But I doubt it. I'm pretty sure they've never met anyone from that cell. They're from clear across the country. I only knew Ali from that judge hit five years ago."

And he knew her in the biblical sense. She'd been a fuck buddy for a few nights back then and that's why, when she'd shown interest in fucking again he'd jumped at the chance. The idea of having a willing and fully participating partner in bed was incredibly attractive. And she'd had a friend, Hannah, and Riley had encouraged Angus to spend a night with her. She was only there for a few days and then going thousands of miles away ... it seemed a safe opportunity for Angus to also have a willing and fully participating partner in bed without worry of Angus getting emotionally hurt. It hadn't taken a lot of convincing and so they'd each planned to get their rocks off. And that's when they'd each and independently come to their startling realizations.

They didn't need sex as much as they thought they did. Neither one of them could go through with it. Riley hadn't even made it to the bedroom. He just knew it wouldn't work. He couldn't stop seeing Jessica every time he looked at Alisha. And it wasn't even the Jessica in his bed that he kept seeing but the Jessica flying off of Ebony. The Jessica petting Ebony. Alisha hadn't taken it well. She'd demanded an explanation for the change of heart but Riley couldn't supply one. He couldn't even explain it to himself.

Angus had made it to the bedroom, and even got hot and heavy with Hannah, kissing, touching, but he couldn't get hard. He'd been harder than hell not even five minutes before they'd started but then his boner had simply wilted. Angus was beyond embarrassed but he had to give Hannah credit. She'd tried to help him along and when he finally suggested that he might need violence to fuck her she'd let him hit her a couple of times. But it didn't work. He realized that the only time he felt any movement in his cock was when he thought about Jessica. And it surprised him even more when he realized that they weren't all thoughts of hurting her. Just thinking of her seemed to work. Too stunned by his physical need for Jessica, he'd told Hannah to leave. She'd been pissed. But when he'd gone out later to the living room to have a drink with some of the other clan members he saw that Hannah had rebounded well and was busy making out on the sofa with some other guy. Riley had come out for a drink not long after also and that was when the ongoing discussion about Jessica had started.

And now here they were. Somehow between the day they'd left and this very second things with Jessica had changed. And not understanding it, not being part of it, left Angus with an all-consuming ache inside.

"Angus, don't you think we may be making more out of this than we need to?" Riley asked.

Angus snorted. "Drop that "we" bullshit. You think that I'm making more out of it."

Riley nodded. "Okay, I do. You know everything we talked about Angus. At some point you have to stop looking a gift horse in the mouth."

"Okay. Give me tonight. Just me and her so I can get a sense of where things stand. I just need a better feel for things."

"But you're not going to beat her?" Riley asked.

"No ... swear to God Riley. I'll fuck her but I won't hit her. On my life."

Riley nodded. And they headed back to the house.

********************************************************

Scott unlocked the door just as Riley got to the porch.

"What's going on?" Riley asked as he and Angus entered.

He stared at the rifles in the men's hands.

"Nothing." Jim said. "I was just about to go clean the guns."

"Going in the wrong direction for that aren't you?" Riley asked. Josh and Jim stood with Jessica in the entrance to the hallway. Jessica and Josh facing one another, as if they'd been embracing. And Scott by the door, also gun in hand ... yeah Angus and his instincts were definitely on to something.

"Angus is uncomfortable with the current situation." Riley said. "He wants some alone time with Jessica, and given it's his night with her ... we're going to give it to him."

"You got a problem with that?" Angus demanded when he saw the expressions on the men's faces.

There was the slightest shake of Jessica's head, and all three seemed to relax. Angus narrowed his eyes at the men ... he looked at Riley. It was evident from Riley's surprised expression that he'd seen it too.

"I'll be with the horses." Scott said as if grudgingly resigned to something. "Josh, I need a hand."

Josh hesitated, and then without looking around, followed Scott to the door.

Jim grabbed a couple more rifles. "I'll be in the barn.... Cleaning the guns." He said glancing at Jessica. She looked so scared that he almost changed his mind about going.

"Take your time." Angus grumbled. Jim hesitated again but then Angus swung his eyes on him and growled, "What are you waiting for?"

Jim caught sight of Jessica from the corner of his eye and knew he wasn't helping things. She kept scanning her eyes between him and Angus and despite her fear it was clear from her expression that she was willing Jim to hurry up and leave. She was without a doubt the bravest person he knew. Less than happy with himself or the situation, Jim forced himself out the door.

"I'll be with the dogs." Riley said to Angus following Jim to the door. "Remember what we talked about. We want to go forward ..."

Angus nodded but his attention was on Jessica, who stood in the middle of the room, looking at him.

Right at him.

Fuck, this was so much like his fantasies ... The only thing betraying her demeanor of calm was the nervous grasping and ungrasping of her hands. She looked like she could want him if he pretended just a little ... he was going to fucking cum in his pants. Angus was breathing hard as he and Jessica silently looked at one another.

Jessica was going to pee her pants. She was so scared ... her body was shaking so hard her teeth were rattling. She honestly couldn't imagine that telling Angus what she liked during sex would in any way change things between her and Angus but Jim, Josh and Scott seemed convinced. She had to try even if it was just to reduce the amount of violence Angus inflicted on her. She shuddered to think about what would happen if she failed.

She so wanted to go to her zen place but she knew she couldn't. Blanking out, clearing her mind, relaxing and letting whatever happen happen was too passive. She had to be active, reactive, proactive. Her mind scrambled, desperately searching for some way to be all those things despite her fear. And just as she began to despair about her lack of ideas, one came to her. Jimmy had suggested that if she'd pretend to be with him, Josh or Scott when she was with Angus or Riley it would help her to relax. She almost dismissed the idea. Jim, Josh and Scott were far to attentive during sex to make it possible for Jessica to pretend she was with them when she was with rough, mean and grabby Angus. But then she realized Scott was good at role play. It would be difficult given the level of brutality with which Angus always took her, but she could try to imagine that Angus was Scott and this was all a role play.

Yes ... yes that was what she'd have to do. But where to begin? She didn't know... she had no idea, oh God! He was losing his patience. As the silence stretched between them his already aggressive posture and expression intensified ... the last remnants of hazel in his eyes greyed ... Jessica's heart was pounding so hard she was sure it was going to explode, she couldn't think ... her mind was blank. He took a step closer to her and she could see his permanently oil stained hands clenching into fists and that was when she remembered the cars. Scott had been setting her up with Riley to train the dogs ... Jim had told her to use the cars to get to Angus even though Scott seemed to think it was futile. Futile or not it was all she could think of. She wished fervently that she had thought of the role play idea earlier so she and Scott could have practiced. As it was she had to dig down deep to find her voice.

"I know Scott said that I'd requested to train the dogs with Riley ..." Jessica said in a hushed voice trying as hard as she could to keep her voice calm. To sound casual. "But I do really want to work on the cars with you."

"Come here ..." he growled. Jessica sucked in her breath and moved toward Angus. Much like her zen tactic Jessica forced all thoughts from her mind except the idea that this was not Angus. It was Scott. And he was going to be rough ... inconsiderate, take what he wanted and not consider her needs. And she was going to have teach him what she wanted ... Scott would want it to be as realistic as possible, he always really got into the role plays so he wouldn't make it easy but it would be doable. Jessica felt the familiar and welcome feeling of calm roll over her. Everything was good with Scott ... now everything would be good with Angus.

"I ..." Jessica began as she neared him but didn't get a chance to finish. Angus grabbed her, pulled her to him and brought his mouth down hard on hers. Jessica tried not to panic. Forced herself to relax, and to kiss him back.