Linda sat at kitchen table. She was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. So exhausted that even her hair felt tired.
What had she done?
She thought she was saving her marriage, but instead she created a disaster. She gave in to her husband, offered him anything he wanted of her, if he would just stay. Just love her. Now look at her? Six years have passed and here she was, nothing more than a toy, used at his whim or not. It was no way to live.
So she was going to get out. She had to get out, but could she?
There were so many thing stopping her from leaving. She was brought up to stay married, to obey your husband no matter what. He made the money, she took care of him, fulfilled him. She felt obligated to him.
Had he crossed the line? Had he asked her to do too much? Or did she go willingly.
She didn't care anymore. It was over as far as she was concerned. She waited for him to come home.
It felt like an eternity for the fifteen minutes to click by. She knew he'd be home at five, he was always home at five. Sometimes he wanted her right then, sometimes he would wait and he'd want his dinner served. Sometimes he wouldn't be alone. She feared those times.
What would it be tonight? What would he expect of her? Nothing? To be tied up and used? To give him pleasure and forget her own?
She felt trapped in a nightmare.
"I'm home," the familiar deep voice bellowed through the house, the door crashing shortly after it.
He came into the kitchen and found her at the table. She looked at him.
"We need to talk," Linda pushed a chair out with her foot. "I can't do this anymore."
They talked for a long time. About how he took her giving herself up to him and how he pushed it beyond reasonable. How he made her feel when he was with other women, women he knew she was jealous of. Women he used to make her feel small, useless, insecure.
"You took my wedding ring and gave it to a woman you had an affair with," Linda continued.
"She still wears it," Tom responded. "It's not like she pawned it or anything."
The words ate at her. They made her skin crawl. Was he justifying this? Was he going to sit there and say he's right? The anger built inside of her, her blood stewing.
"I used to think I hated her, that she was evil, but it's you, you're the one that's evil," Linda glared into his eyes. "You're the one who used me, not her. You used Karen too. You used her to manipulate me."
The words sunk in. From the first night Linda had given in she felt jilted, scorned. It didn't matter after that. She knew he was evil. She knew deep down, it was all him.
"I actually feel sorry for Karen," she continued, "it is worse what you're doing to her. I knew I was being used, she loves you."
Tom sat there stunned. Unable to move or say a word, he simply uncomfortably listened. He knew she was right, but was there remorse? He glanced away from her stares uneasily.
"I'm sorry," he stammered, his mind clouded by all the anger directed towards him. "I don't want you to go."
Linda felt pangs of guilt. She did love him deep down, before all of this anyway, maybe not now, but then.
"I can't stay like this," she looked at him, her stare softening. "It can't be this bad. I can't feel raped by my husband."
The words stung. Tom never felt it was rape, he felt it was play, foreplay. He'd still take her. She always seemed excited, how could it be rape?
"It's not rape," he offered back, "you enjoy it, you get off."
Linda looked at him, the glare returning.
"How about you try it for one night? Anything I want?" she slammed her hand on the table, "or I walk."
Tom couldn't respond. He was the man of the house, he was the alpha male. There was no way some little bitch like her was going to tell him what to do. But what would he do if she left him, or worse? Told her story. He'd be ruined. Financially, all of his relationships. Everyone loved her. She was the reason they had friends, he had connections.
"Just one night? What three, four hours?" Tom thought diplomacy was best for damage control. Really, what would she ask him to do? She was so meek. So easily molded.
"A Friday night, from five until I untie you," Linda said, shaking, "before five the next night."
"After that?" Tom looked at her, "what then?"
"We talk. We renegotiate. Either I'm happier or I have to go," Linda looked down at the table. She had said it. It was over unless something changed.
"Why should I do this then, let's talk now," Tom touched her hand, looking for an emotional response.
Linda picked her head up.
"Because it's the least you can do after what I've gone through for you," she squeezed his hands, "One night is pretty cheap for six years."
His face turned ashen. Linda could tell Tom knew that there was no promise of continuing. This was a payback for years of service, a bonus that he had no choice but to pay.
"Okay," Tom looked down at the table, his entire body trembling, "one night, no questions."
Linda felt a weight lifted off of her shoulders, he was going to feel the pain she has felt all this time. He was going to feel like the one who was used, who was small. It made her body flush with excitement.
