I wasn't hunting, exactly. Well, I guess I was, but with a camera, not a gun. Let me tell you, it's a damn sight harder to hunt with a camera than it is with a gun. With a gun all you have to do is get within range and shoot. Your victim falls over dead and you go home in triumph, assuming you know how to shoot. With a camera you have to get within range and then get the perfect shot. I mean, who wants a picture of a bear's ass? No-one, that's who. A face full of snarling teeth, that's what people want, so a good photographer had to know how to get in close and manoeuvre around. Sneaky is the order of the day.
I was sneaky. I was dressed to blend in. I didn't need a fluorescent orange vest to warn other hunters that I wasn't an animal as I was on a nature reserve where no hunting was permitted. I just slipped down the trails and through the bushes and nothing significant spotted me. Birds and mice don't count.
Now as I went I could hear the birds and insects in my immediate area quietening down a little. The little rustles you hear in the bush also hushed up, all the noise starting up again as I continued on my way. An experienced bushman, and I was one, notices the silence and also notices the noises around him. What I noticed was an odd patch of silence that seemed to be following me.
I was curious. Something or someone was following me and I wanted to know who or what. If it was an animal I might get a decent shot, but I considered that unlikely. An animal was more likely to not follow a human. This tended to indicate a person was tracking me and I wanted to know why.
I faded into some trees by the edge of the track and waited. This kid came wandering along, sort of keeping one eye on the trail and one eye down the trail. Definitely tracking me.
I figured the kid to be about fifteen. Fairly small, wearing track suit pants and a baggy woollen shirt and a baseball cap crammed onto his head. Nothing for me to be concerned about but for the rifle he was carrying. It looked like a serious weapon to me.
As he passed by me I reached out and extracted the rifle from his grasp.
"Why are you following me, son, and why the rifle?" I asked.
He gasped. "I'm not following you," he said in a high pitched voice. About time his voice broke, in my opinion. He looked old enough for that, although appearances can be deceiving.
"Yeah, you were," I pointed out. "The rifle?"
"Alright, so what if I was," he said. "I'm allowed to. You're on private land. I was going to order you off. We don't allow hunting here."
"Do I look as though I'm carrying a gun?" I asked. "Apart from yours, that is. And it's not private land. It's a public reserve and I have as much right to be here as you, kid. More. I wasn't hunting illegally or planning to bail up innocent strangers."
"I'm not a kid. I'm eighteen. I thought you were a hunter and I was going to chase you off, that's all."
"You don't look a day over fifteen," I observed.
That earned me a filthy look.
"May I have my rifle back, please?"
It seemed to me that his voice was just a little too high pitched for a young man. Thoughtfully I placed my hand on his chest to check my new theory. Correction, her chest, her breasts being disguised by the baggy woollen shirt. Quite nice breasts, too, from what I could feel.
"Ah, my error. You're a girl. I must say that your voice and pretty face suit a girl far more so than they do a boy. It would be silly for a young lad to trail strange men through the reserve. It's even sillier for a young woman to do so. What's your name, anyway?"
"Kate. I've got my gun," she pointed out, sounding a little defiant.
"Actually, I have your gun," I reminded her. "Let me show you something."
I leaned the gun against the tree next to me and started undoing the buttons on her shirt. By the time she caught on to what I was doing I had a couple undone. She tried slapping at my hands but that was pretty ineffective. It neither stopped me nor fixed any of her undone buttons. I spread the shirt wide, pushing it off her shoulders at the same time, displaying a pair of very nice breasts. Not over-size, but certainly enough there to please a man. I could see why she felt she didn't need to wear a bra.
I ran my hand appreciatively across her breasts.
"Very nice," I told her, "but you really shouldn't let strange men undo your clothes. You can get into trouble that way."
I stepped back and picked up the rifle, unloading it while she muttered what sounded like rude words under her breath and did up her buttons. When she had finished this little chore I handed her the unloaded rifle with an admonition not to follow me anymore.
"If I find you I'm likely to shoot you," she snapped. "You see if I don't."
I just smiled and gave her a farewell wave as I headed off down the track. I had some wildlife to find and I had a good idea of where to look.
There was a watering place I knew of that seemed to have a reasonable amount of traffic. I'd actually been there yesterday, setting up a hide. This gave me a place where I was discrete and comfortable. I'd also cleared the area around the hide for a little way, giving me a reasonably comfortable surface to lie on. I'm quite sure nature would provide more twigs and leaves and scrubby brush to repair anything I might do.
I set up a couple of cameras on their stands and I managed to get a few choice shots. The nice thing about digital cameras is that they can run in silent mode. In the past I've had creatures take to the hills at the sound of a click. I always felt like yelling after them that it was a camera, not a rifle, and to stop running.
My quiet contemplation of the waterhole was interrupted by something cold and hard being pressed against the back of my head. I turned to look, admired the barrel of a rifle, and continued to look past it to my young friend, Kate.
"Well, hullo, Katy," I said cheerfully. "What can I do for you?"
"Not feeling so smart now, are you?" she said, trying hard to put a sneer in her voice but only sounding nervous.
"I'm just as smart as I ever was," I replied. "I'll do you a deal, Katy, love. Put the gun away and I'll let you wander of home. Any delays and I'll have to paddle your bottom before I send you home."
"Big talk from a little man," she told me, which I though was quite unfair. I may not be a giant but I am still a pretty hefty lad, and it's muscle, not fat.
"You seem to be a little upset over something. Was it something I said?"
"Upset? Why wouldn't I be upset? You raped me back there."
"Ah, excuse me? When and where did this rape take place?" I have to admit that I was honestly puzzled. I was fairly sure that I'd remember raping someone, especially an attractive little dear like Katy.
"What do you mean, when and where? Back on the trail, earlier. You undid my shirt and. . ."
She waved one hand to indicate her breasts. I suppose she was referring to the friendly pat I gave them.
"Ah, Katy, love, that wasn't rape. It wasn't even having sex. It was just a friendly pat on the body, paying homage to a lovely figure."
"It's Kate, not Katy. And it was so rape. Indecent assault and harassment, as well."
"Nonsense, but you don't have to take my word for it."
I turned and looked past her.
"Hey, Jake, is patting a young lady's lovely breasts rape or proper homage to a thing of beauty?"
Katy gasped and turned to look at Jake. When she did so the rifle drifted away from my head, which was a plus, and my head moved even further away from the rifle, which was another plus. By the time Katy worked out that there was no Jake the rifle was no longer pointing at me and my hand was firmly holding the barrel.
By the time Katy was facing me again I was already completing the action of taking the rifle off her.
"You need some gun safety lessons," I told her. "You don't point guns at people unless you're going to shoot them. If you want to shoot them, look at them. Don't look all around the place. A rifle is for distance shooting. You stand back where your chosen victim can't grab it. With a rifle, distance gives you control. Unless, of course, you're a really crappy shot."
"Give it back. It's mine."
"All in good time. Ah, I think I might keep the ammunition this time. Give me an address and I'll post it back to you. I know the stuff is expensive."
While I was speaking I was unloading the gun and putting the gun and ammunition on the ground, safely out of her reach. She tried to walk around me to get the rifle, which was very silly. It put her within easy reach and I reached.
I was sitting on the ground with my legs in front of me. Catching her arm as she tried to pass I pulled her towards me. She stumbled against my legs and started to fall and I steered her neatly into position.
She gave a small scream and started to struggle, loudly demanding to know, "What do you think you're doing?"
I delivered a firm swat to her bottom, a hand on her back holding her in place.
"I told you earlier, Katy, love. Any delays in putting the gun away and I'd paddle your pretty little tush. You delayed so I now have to paddle. You wouldn't want me to go back on my word, would you?"
"Yes," she assured me, sounding very earnest.
"Bad luck, in that case," I told her. "Now if you'll excuse me. . ."