I was never an easy kid, but in my defense - my home was never an easy home. Orphaned at birth, I was taken in by the only remaining family Ma had - her sister-in-law, Kaitlin. Kaitlin was not a particularly great fit for a mother, but she sure was an open-hearted woman. A people's person, her doors were alway open to her numerous 'friends', drinking buddies and other misfits.
Having grown up obsessed with Hollywood and film I loathed my plain, half-deserted hometown. It didn't help that Kaitlin's reputation stuck me like a unwanted shadow. I could not wait to escape both - on my 18th birthday.
A month to the circled date all my plans came crashing down. Kaitlin was arrested in a sudden midnight raid. Four months later she was found guilty and sent away on drug charges.
In those 4 months I watched my life fall apart before me. I lost my part time job, my savings for the trip, and even my simple-minded but well-built boyfriend with whom I've been basically living for the past year in an effort to avoid my aunt's party lifestyle.
Whatever she was, Kaitlin was the only person I could call family in this entire world. With her and everything else gone in a flash, I was crushed.
At least I still had the house, I thought to myself as I stood on the porch of my ex-love with my scarce belongings in an overstuffed backpack. I went back -- only to find out it wasn't my home anymore. It belonged to some Rob now, Kaitlin's latest boyfriend, or according to him - fiance. I've seen him around the house a few times before and he was there for some of the trial stuff, but he acted removed, like an observer. It never even occurred to me they were involved, and Kaitlin never mentioned anything either.
I didn't believe his claims until I saw the deed on the house with my own eyes, but there it was, printed in crisp black - "Robert White". In the few times I visited her since that day Kaitlin refused to discuss how the hell that happened. All she said was that Rob was her "man" and that I were to show him some respect.
Rob insisted the house transfer was done for some tax loophole I wouldn't understand, and that it didn't matter what the paperwork said anyway. They were planning to spend the rest of their life together, as a family. He will wait for her release right there in their home.
Being part of said family, I was graciously allowed to stay there as well despite how generally ungrateful I've been for everything Kaitlin has done for me, according to Rob.
Allowed. In my own home.
I was furious but It's not like I had too many options to choose from, so I settled in, cautiously defiant and openly cold. I'd decided he and this house could both burn in hell for all I cared. I was not going to stay long.
Rob was quiet, away at work a lot, and all-in-all, not terribly creepy. I avoided him for the most part, but even so, sometimes I was grateful not to be the only soul in the large, run-down house.
I found some gigs here and there -- cleaning, delivery, waitressing -- but a stable, decent-paying job opening for someone like me was a rare sight in our parts. When Rob said a buddy of his was willing to hire me for some extra help at his repair shop I felt nothing but grateful. It felt good to have someone looking out for you.
Johnny, my new boss, was a large, boastful man. He seemed overly attached to the idea of being the "cool boss", which in his mind, I guess, meant lots of questionable jokes and not a lot of managing. But, the pay was more than I'd hoped for, the work was easy and the hours - flexible. So there I was, smiling politely at his skeezy one-liners while googling my own job description.
Truth be told, I wasn't sure what my job description was. I kept the place clean, answered calls, kept their books, but there was simply enough work at the shop for a full-time employee. I felt out of place and was glad when eventually Johhny thought of a large job for me - I was to sort through the stuffed storage room they had: inventorize, organize, digitize. This kept me busy for some time and gave me an excuse to shift most of my work to late evenings, without Johnny and the other guys there.
---
The nights at the dimly lit shop may have felt peaceful, but peaceful is not the same as safe. The faint screeching of the back door sent me into panic.
I always lock up -- did I forget??...
Something metal loudly clanked to the floor at the other end of the shed.
"... you sitting here all in the dark... fuck... GODDAMN IT!" To my great relief I recognized the voice as Johnny's. Another large metal part flew to the side, kicked off by his clumsy foot.
"You told me to save the electricity, remember?"
""I think its you that forgets.. what's what..." he slurred, his wobbly shadow finally approaching my end of the room. "How about you remember some goddamn respect for once?"
Beer was not frowned upon at the shop and it often brought out a harsher side of Johnny. But I don't think I'd ever seen him quite this inebriated.
"Sorry," I said dryly. "I'll go get the big light."
"Oooh, well why bother now princess - I made it didn't I?" He stood up proudly in front of my desk, hands at the hips, his shadow inflated by the light from my desk.
"What are you up to here, huh?"
"Nothing, just working. How was your night, Johnny?"
He plopped down onto a chair next to me, dousing me in his whiskey-spiced breath.
"Well don't let me bother you then, miss working lady. Always so serious..."
A bit thrown by a grown man pouting like a child, I slowly turned back to my computer screen. He sat watching me, elbows resting on his knees, belching occasionally.
"Working... she thinks she is working... The REAL work is done during the day, with these two hands!" he shook one of them near my face.
"What's all this paper pushing you're doing here? Yeah, you go do that in your precious New York or whatever... " He was mumbling to himself, more bitter than angry. "Around here we actually get something done, you know!"
I turned my head to him slightly, avoiding a direct encounter with his glassy stare.
"You know, I was just about to close up..."
Ignoring my words, his chair moved closer with a screech.
"Equality this, equality that..." As if picking up an argument we left off. "The only thing not equal is that we're out there always busting our asses for you." he said, the loathing palpable in his voice. "Y'all think everything is just supposed to be given to you."
"I work for my money, thank you very much," I dropped, glancing at my phone trapped under his elbow.
"Ha! She works!"
"Yeah, I do, Johnny. For you, actually. Can I get my phone please?" I reached over, "Talk to me tomorrow - when you sober up - okay?"
His fist loudly dropped on my desk, startling me upright.
"You better watch your mouth...." he seethed, blood veins on his face filling. "Calling me a drunk... If you think I'm gonna sit here and take your shit - in MY shop, on MY dime?? Yeah... You may be Robbie's favorite charity case - but you ain't gonna be mine, you hear me?"
I froze. I didn't care what he was on about, but I misjudged just how far gone he was right then and that scared me. I had to find a way to slip out without poking the beast any further.
"Johnny, I'm real sorry, I wasn't giving you shit. I'm just gonna go for tonight and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Don't bother coming tomorrow - I'm done with charity."
"Uhm.. ok..." I reached for the phone again, still under his arm but he just moved his torso further, blocking me off.
"You hear me??. I don't need this."
"Okay, I hear you Johnny. Look, I'm sorry, won't happen again, okay?"
My usual pacifying tactics did nothing on this drunk - the tension in his face remained.
"It sure won't. Cause there ain't no job for you here - never was. All this," he nodded in the direction of the boxes stacked behind me, "This is aaall just to help out my buddy. And his brand-new step-daughter."
He looked pleased, watching me as the meaning of his words slowly sunk in. There I was, worried he will cut my hours once he figures out how little I actually do, and how little there was to do. But it never made much sense to me, why would he hire someone in the first place? Until now.
"So, uhm, why did you hire me then?"
"Because Johnny," he patted himself on the chest with sincerity, "has a good heart."
"You didn't have to... I didn't know..." I mumbled, taken aback by this new revelation.
"Robbie swore you're a smart girl, you're gonna earn your pay - wanna tell me when you're gonna start? What am I paying you for?" Shaking his hand in frustration at the papers on my desk he added, "This crap??"
"Okay, well then... Thank you Johnny, that was really nice of you to help out. I'm sorry for any trouble."
"Trouble..." His heavy hand landed on my knee just as I was getting up, "I'm so sick of all you ungrateful bitches."
I baulked in shock. He leaned in.
"And what do I get, huh?! More
