Leah Is Not Leaving

[The following could be an unhealthy trigger for anyone who is a survivor, please check-in with yourself before proceeding. The intention is to process and condemn an existing reality through fictionalized narrative, never to normalize or excuse. Coerced consent is not consent and a victim is never responsible. Stay well.]

___

Rob had never much concerned himself with Leah's exact whereabouts before, but that evening he found himself feeling unusually protective of her.

He struggled to reconcile the scene he witnessed last night with the innocence he imagined her to embody. His begrudging guardianship of Leah over these past months had gradually become the single most invigorating part of his life. He'd grown attached to the softness of her presence - her tiny frame sneaking about his house, his thoughts, sometimes even the early morning dreams. But throughout all this time, her purity had been a cornerstone of his experience of her. And now it all felt so irreversibly soiled.

The way his own body rose up to meet last night's moment of clarity he quickly dismissed as natural and irrelevant. Rob didn't bother with semantics when it came to his own emotional experience. He didn't like to dwell on things like that. He felt the shame, he did - but he attributed it to her. He was burning with shame

for

her, for her loose morals and even looser standards.

But Rob was a good guy. Even if he resented her, he wouldn't abandon her. He made a commitment to guard her, to protect her against both the world and herself. He wasn't going to quit on her now.

The evening dragged on and there was still no sign of Leah. Her phone was on but she apparently couldn't be bothered to use it. Rob dealt with his simmering resentment and growing concern the way he dealt with much of anything else - by drowning it in cheap beer.

He was already dozing off by the time his phone finally blinked and displayed a short, dismissive message:

"I'm fine. Staying at motorway inn tonight. Don't wait up."

It might as well have grown a hand and slapped him across the face with it. There he was worrying sick about her all night, leaving her message after message - and that's all she had to say to him? That kind of blatant disregard for his authority sent his BudLight-buzzed mind to all kinds of righteous places. Motorway Inn?! She had no business being anywhere near a place like that, not his Leah... that was just the kind of trouble he was meant to keep her away from, if only she didn't make it so goddamn difficult. He dialed her back immediately and almost smashed his phone across the room when the call tone switched to a voicemail recording halfway through. How dare she, that ungrateful little...

***

Remnants of glue that once held the metal signage traced out the number 6 in front of him. A parking lot facing window revealed nothing except a soft glimmer of light behind it. He couldn't be sure she was in there, but his friend's truck was parked right behind him, pointing at Room#6 like a giant red pin on a map. He hesitated, with his arm suspended in the air, trying to regain the fumes he lost on the way here. If he were honest with himself he'd know that it was Johnny's presence that so reliably took the wind out of his sails.

Fuck 'em. Party's over. He'll show them what's what, and who's who. He'll put an end to this nonsense, once and for all.

THUMP THUMP THUMP

- his fist rattled the door. There was movement inside.

THUMP THUMP

....

"Heey - Rob?" Johnny appeared in the doorway in all of his bliss-faced, bare-bellied glory. He squinted at the bright street lights."What are you doing here buddy?..."

"What AM I...." The piecemeal image of the room he could make out past Johnnys figure revealed a single king bed, and a girl's body neatly bent over it. From this angle he could barely make out her features, only that her back was arched and facing the door, entirely uncovered. Rob nearly choked on his own words. "I should be asking you that!!"

"Shhh man - c'mon," Johnny nudged him back into the street and shut the door behind them. "Keep it down."

"Keep it down... Are you out of your mind!? Is that

her

? What the hell is she doing here!?"

"Calm down! I thought you were cool with it? What's all this? "

"Cool with what?? Are you out of your mind?!" Rob had to pull himself back in order to keep from punching John's smug face right then. "That was for that once, you asshole. Whatever this is - it's over. I'm taking her home."

"Heey hey hey -- hold up there. You're not thinking straight. No one's doing nothing wrong here." Johnny blocked him from passing. "Like I said, your girl's been asking for it. Who am I to say no to that, you know? We're just having some fun, that's all."

"I don't give a fuck what you're having -- let me through."

"LISTEN TO ME," Johnny grabbed him by the shoulders. "Think about what you're about to do."

"I'm about to take Leah home is what! And I'm gonna keep her the fuck far away from the likes of you!"

"Oh yeah? So you're gonna barge in there, pack her up, bring her home - and then what? Are you planning to keep her locked up all weekend? Next week? Month? Look, the girl's eighteen - at the end of the day, she can do what she wants. So - Rob, look at me - just let her"

"I said -- I don't give a fuck." Rob was wired up beyond his control.

"Hey - HEY - c'mon man," Johhny placed his arm around him, turning him away from the closed door. "Take a breather. You're not her daddy Rob. You didn't raise her, and whatever she does is

not

on you. But you keep pushing and you're just gonna push her away."

Johnny finally sensed a pause in his friend and moved in closer.

"C'mon man... We've got a beautiful girl in there... There's more than one way this can go..."

Rob stared at him, not exactly calm but rather in a stupor.

"Let me tell you something... She's been bringing you up, man..." Johnny lowered his voice like he was sharing a secret. "Even called out your name while she... you know."

Now it was Rob squinting at him.

"Yeah, I'm telling you... Look, truth is - your girl here, she loves to fuck. And, she clearly has a thing for

you

. You do the math. Either way - you can't just blow up at her like that in the middle of the night. It'll scare her off."

Silence was all the encouragement Johnny needed.

"Come on. Trust me. Just... come see for yourself."

Johnny held his finger up to his lips and pushed the door in just enough for them to see inside.

"See the headphones and the blindfold? I've got her in that sensory deprivation shit - she can't see or hear nothing. She

loves

it. I mean... just look at that."

Rob couldn't look away even if he tried. There was Leah, bent over the bed. Her feet spread apart, toes pushing into the carpet, chin down into the sheets, her long sleek hair pulled up tight in a ponytail. Her arms laid crossed on her back like a bow tie above her perked up, round butt. He felt dizzy.

"Come on in -- slowly -- come on."

The humid, putrid with sex air hit his nostrils like a truck. Before he knew it her skin was so close to him that he could make out the tiny goosebumps scattering her arms. A bottle of booze was shoved in his hand.

"Look at her, just waiting for it. When you get an invitation like that... there's only one thing a man can do, you know. Tell me I'm wrong."

Rob could tell him no such thing. Wrong seemed a foreign word inside this proximity.

"Go ahead... try it."

Rob wasn't going ahead. He wasn't dragging her out. He wasn't punching, wasn't yelling, wasn't leaving. He just stood there, his gaze fixed between her legs.

Johnny knew his friend's passive nature well enough not to take his indecisiveness for restraint. This was only a matter of time, and maybe a few helpful words. He leaned over the bed, took out the earphone from Leah's left ear and whispered something into it. Then he stood back up next to Rob. Together they watched Leah awkwardly climb one knee up on the bed, then the other. She placed them wide apart, arching her back even more to keep her balance, then reached her hands back spreading herself so much that her rosy slit opened up into a little glistening dark hole. Her fingers kept slipping over damp skin. Rob thought he heard her pussy queef ever so audibly.

"Fucking hell..." he whispered. Still as a statue, he felt blood rushing down from his face and a cold sweat breaking out all at once.

Johnny smacked Leah's thigh encouragingly, as one would a horse.

"So, we've got the green light here - you gonna give it a go, or should I? "

Johnny grabbed his cock, ready to step in.

"Can't leave her hanging man. If you're good - I'll go, no problem."

Problem. Rob had long forgotten what problem brought him here in the first place. His full attention focused on the micro movements of her vulva, the light tremble of the muscles of her thighs, the dusty soles of her dangling feet -- her whole body, vibrating, stirring up his insides. He wanted to inhale her whole, wanted to hold her fragile little frame in his arms, and most of all, he wanted to bury his cock deep into that little worked up hole she was presenting to him like a seasoned whore. He hated her for it.

"It's fine," he pushed through his teeth. "I've got this."

His trembling hands reached for the fly of his pants and freed his hard as a rock member - somewhat shorter, but decisively thicker than that of his friend. He stepped closer, holding it like a gun.

First he just placed the tip right against her opened hole, feeling her heat ripple down his spine. A part of him expected her to jump up and scream at the first sign of contact, but no such thing happened. Her pose remained intact, though he could swear he felt her breath suspend along with his.

He winced and finally -- oh god, finally -- he pressed himself into her.

"Ahhhh..." he heard her exhale through her cracking vocal cords.

Her tight, welcoming warmth felt blinding, almost intolerable. A release of all the imagination he had so discreetly built up for this very moment plunged him into a kind of blissful madness.

He pulled out cautiously, watching her grip around him in a way that felt profoundly intimate to him. His hands reached for her thighs as anchors and he pushed inside once again, watching her swallow up nearly the whole of his length. He pulled away again -- and thrust himself into it again. Then again. And again.

"Aah.. ah... aaaaahhh..." Leah sang along.

He moved her arms out of his way and dug into her dewy softness, pressing her into his pounding. Rob felt a surge so powerful it would've most certainly torn him apart if he couldn't expel it right into her. Her legs slid off the edge of the bed and dangled around aimlessly. His deranged eyes slid all over her - her fingers gripped into white sheets, the back of her neck, the rings of her spine, his own fingers, squeezing her, so lush and yet almost painfully fragile in his arms. He wanted more, even more of this, forever - this. He punctuated each thrust with what may have looked like a pause to an outside observer, but the two of them knew it was anything but - Rob wanted to be deeper inside her, deeper than he could possibly reach - stubborn at every upswing. His thick, glistening cock peeked out of her looking like it was about to burst at the seams, then dove back in until his balls were pressed firmly against her, and again - push, press, linger, out... Rob worried he might burst into her any second, concerned only with ending this wild ride too soon. At the same time, he felt so gripped with excitement that a release barely even felt plausible. He noticed his mind slipping away but made little attempt to hold onto it.

Meanwhile Johnny, with a grin wider than ever, was now on the bed, sat on his knees at the other end of the girl between them. Rob only noticed him then, momentarily taken aback by the intrusion into his bubble. Johnny met his eyes with a knowing, reassuring look.

Don't worry. Keep going. It's all good.

To Rob, everything about this moment already felt so far beyond his control, he could spare no thought to the actions of his friend. As much as he felt he should, he couldn't care, he had no capacity left for anything outside of his own frantic pleasure.

Still, when Johnny (so casually) wrapped Leah's hair over his wrist to pull her head back - he couldn't look away. He felt her body jolt underneath him, suddenly alert and tense. Without skipping a beat Johnny shoved his cock right between her lips. Leah, seemingly caught by surprise, began twitching and wriggling between them, her rising pitch now hopelessly muffled.

"Shhh... take it... be good..." he heard Johnny mumble to himself, petting her encouragingly with his free hand.

Somehow in the heat of the moment it escaped Rob that Leah was not expecting a second cock to be there at all, let alone inside her. He confused her initial docile warmth for confirmation - confirmation that he was wanted there. He was right where he was supposed to be. It was Johnny that Leah seemed reluctant to receive, a fact his ego was eager to take as proof of preference. Of course she'd prefer him. Deep down he always knew she would.

Johnny secured Leah's hands with his knees. The squirming that started to feel so good around Rob's cock quieted down soon enough, but now every time Johnny shoved himself down her throat her entire body tensed up, squeezing her muscle walls tight around him. Watching her face fucked in front of him caused a whole flurry of emotion in Rob, all morphing into something along the lines of righteous contentment. It was satisfying. He wanted her to get it, get more of it, more than she can handle. He felt as if he was proving something to her. There was just something so vindicating in both her struggle and the obedience that followed it. There...

that's what you get... slut.

Before he knew it he felt himself swell, the staggering totality of all his tension pulled into one single draw. Loosing all touch with anything but the sweet throbbing around his cock, he pounded at her furiously, fanatically even. Nothing in the world could stand between him and this release, and he wanted to claim it, to own it -- own

her

, claim

her

.

"Fuuuck fuck fuck, fuckk.... aaaaaarrghhhhh"

He kept pounding, slamming her thighs back at himself again and again, his warm seed bursting endlessly, spilling out of her squeezed out by his relentless girth. Her throat was freed for the moment and primal, guttural sound poured out straight from it and filled the room like warm milk, subsiding only when Rob's own groaning subsided. He finally collapsed on top of her, empty and happy.

When Rob regained some control over his mind and lifted himself up, Leah's month was already plugged back in with Johnny's cock resting halfway in her. The bottom of her jaw was moving slightly from the apparent movement of her tongue. Rob saw this as if in 4k, with an unsettling clarity. He slid out of her pussy anxiously and rushed up to his feet. He felt completely lost.

"It's all good... it's all good," Johnny looked unfazed, gently petting Leah's head.

Rob grabbed his pants from the floor and escaped to the bathroom.

_____________

Pitch black. From the headphones, endless white noise streamed through me, coating all feeling and all thought in static.

Then the white noise stopped and I was flooded with the quiet. My ears felt cold. He leaned into one of them.

"How did you like my little surprise?"

I didn't have the energy for a response. I slowly lowered my forehead to the bed, savoring a moment of rest. I was tired.

"I know, I saw you did... You know who that was, don't you? - Listen to me. Dont you forget your manners now. No whining, no bitching. When he comes out here you're gonna thank him for fucking you - and you're gonna be all nice and sweet, just like I like you." He pulled my hair back. "You got that?"

"Yes."

"What did you get?"

"I'll be nice. I'll say thank you."

"That's right" he said, lowering me back down into his crotch. I licked his shaft and around it somewhat absentmindedly. It was easier when he didn't have to ask.

I heard the bathroom door, then cautious steps over the creaking carpet. I lifted up on my arms as if to make sure the sounds were him.

"Rob?"

The silence was deafening.

"Y-yes."

It took me a moment too, like I was buffering. It was strange, bizzare even - all of it, but now hearing his voice, here, in the pitch black...

"Thank you. For fucking me."

I thought for a few seconds, and added,

"It's nice that you're here."

Maybe it was in my head, but I thought I felt the tension discharge from the air. That was good - I did a good thing. There was anger and more in me still, but it was set all aside, insulated for the time being. I was out of steam and so were all my monsters. And it was better that way, more manageable. I needed the calm.

I didn't want to hate Rob. I didn't want his anger. I just wanted things to be nice. Nicer.

"Didn't I tell you? Such a sweet girl you got yourself there."

"Ughm..." Rob cleared his throat. "She sure is."

We relocated to another end of the room. Johnny leaned back on the bed and Rob sat by the desk.

"Should we.. take that off?"

"Nah - keep it, keep it. She likes it. She pays better attention like that."

They were referring to my blindfold. There was nothing else left on me to take off.

I was back on the carpet, feeling my way back and forth between them. The dark amplified the textures, tastes, smells. I've been in this space for what felt like forever, time and space and sensation all became relative, untethered to any reality I knew. I was locked inside this shapeless, sweaty void. And - I was getting strangely comfortable in it.

My pussy was cooling down, and I tried not to think about the goo leaking down to my thigh. They were smoking and by the sound of it, drinking more. Everything was finally relaxed. I sucked their cocks on my own, nobody was pushing me down, pinching me, slapping me. I was okay here.

"Daamn..." Rob stretched.

"I know."

The sound of Rob's voice pulled me back to the house, to Kaitlin, to life before all this.. It was as if he was trying to find his footing in this new role too, feeling for the right tone. With Johnny, the voice he used with me now felt, if anything, like his hidden default. Like he was just revealing his true face. In Rob's case, it sounded more like putting the mask on.

Rob being here felt like it grounded the situation. Like things couldn't get too far out of control with him here. Before, here with Johnny alone, felt like a space with no reliable limits in sight. There was just something about him... a way to look at the world and only see what he wants it to be. A dangerous distortion. I told myself I wasn't scared of him. I was hateful, disgusted, pissed - but to be scared was to see Johnny as someone worthy of being feared. And he doesn't get that. Yet my body knew otherwise. Intuitively, he was an incalculable risk. He was not to be provoked. In the animal world I think that's known as the "play dead and hope he loses his interest before devouring you" move. It's a waiting game. Patience was key.

"Damn she's so into it..."

"Not as into it as you, haha... just think, this whole time you could've had all this, instead of jackin' off in her dirty laundry..."

"The hell are you talking about..."

"Just what you told me man, hahah - yeah I remember, wasn't me that was wasted that night. Ah, come on - who cares now? Look at her, she probably likes that."

"Whatever, man," Rob laughed. "Just fuck off yeah? We're having a moment here."

Rob was referring to me gently rubbing his cock on my tongue and my cheeks. This was something I could sense he liked watching. I was tuned in to their breath, how they groaned when I touched their skin, how they talked about me. This almost allowed me some sense of control. I needed Rob to want to protect me if things get out of hand - so, he got the better treatment. And I got the satisfaction of showing Johnny that I won't ever treat him as well as I could have, that there are parts of me he can't make me give to him.