Landlord Tales
I pulled my Ford pickup into Deborah's driveway, determined to collect my rent, a piece of her fine ass, or else.
She was already two months behind, and my next step was eviction, a fate that would be worse than death for her, I knew. Going through a divorce, her ex was doing his best to take Chandra away, and getting booted from her home with nowhere else to go might do the trick if he found out about it, as he surely would.
I have to admit up front, this was my plan all along. Deborah was a stunningly attractive redhead, with long legs and round, inviting green eyes. When I advertised this three bedroom two bath double wide on a brick foundation close to schools, shopping and work, I had dozens of interested, well qualified applicants. They were right in the wheelhouse most Landlord's are looking for when they dream up the perfect tenants. Married, stable, one or two kids, no pets, or just a small one, good work history, good rental history, verifiable incomes, clean background checks, etc, etc. They checked all the boxes. But when Deborah called, she sounded young and super sexy on the phone. Although I already stopped showing the home because I had so many good applicants, for her I made an exception--the first of many-- if nothing else just find out if her body matched her voice.
It did, and then some.
She showed up in light blue nurse smocks. They were loose and ill-fitting, but couldn't completely hide her great body from my prying eyes. I was so tempted to make a pass at her on the spot, but that was a dangerous thing to do with lawsuits so prevalent in our industry. I knew right away I would rent to her even before I performed due diligence. And it turned out, on paper, she had a good history, both in work and rental, and nothing bad came back on her background check. She had one kid, one small poodle, and was going through a messy divorce. But her income was adequate, as a nurse, and she didn't appear to do drugs or look like a party animal.
She checked out the immaculate, clean but modest home, and told me she wanted it.
It's yours, I blurted happily before adding...um...as long as everything else checks out.
Of course. She shook my hand before leaving. It felt small and cool in my rough, leathery palm. I dreamed of fucking her on the bare carpet, but that would have to wait.
I emailed the other applicants, informed them I'd made a decision to rent to someone else, and shortly thereafter, Deb moved in. As so often happens with new tenants, she paid the first two month's rent on time, more or less, before beginning to slide. She gave me the usual poor me excuses, which I wasn't interested in. I'd heard them all before over the years. But I didn't demand the rent by the fifteenth or else as was my usual custom. I pretended all along to be forgiving and understanding, all the while hoping she would continue to fall deeper into debt on my end.
The good part was, I didn't need the money. I owned over a dozen rental properties by now, was semi-retired, and also received a military pension from twenty years in the Navy. I was single, with no debt, all my kids were grown and on their own by now. And half the homes I owned were already paid for, including Deb's. I drove an old Ford, and wore farm clothes, so to the naked eye I didn't appear independently wealthy, but looks could be deceiving. So whether she paid or not didn't really affect me much. In fact, I was hoping she wouldn't pay, because my only hope of ever getting a shot at her lie down that road. I knew already she found me unattractive, which wasn't surprising since I'm twenty years her senior. Every month I would call, remind her she was late, and falling further behind, and every now and then slyly drop the E-word.
Deborah, I need the rent...I hate to even talk about evicting you and Chandra...but...I would let the sentence trail away and the excuses would fly.
I'm not getting any overtime anymore, school supplies for Chandra, Dale isn't paying any child support yet, the court costs and lawyer is killing me, were her usual ones, all of which were probably true to one extent or the other. I alternated between being demanding and empathetic, like a good father would be. And she alternated between being defensive and obstinate, to outright tears over the phone.
Please, Joe, you know what I'm going through trying to keep Chandra...if you evict us...I will lose h-her. Then she burst into tears. I told her I would come over in three days to collect.
Or else.
I was in a good mood when I drove up, but I put on my best mean face before knocking on her door. Before coming over, I'd showered and shaved, pulled on some jeans and a nice pullover. I knew she wasn't a bit attracted to me, but I could tell by the desperation in her voice the last time we talked she just might be considering cutting a deal, and it was important I keep the pressure on.
One good thing I could say about Deborah was she took very good care of my place. The lawn was freshly cut, her daughter's toys put away. She was conscientious about picking up after Grumpy, her toy poodle, and the few times I'd been inside the place was spotless, which wasn't too surprising considering her profession. I knocked on the door wondering just how this next hour or so would end up. How desperate was she? Did she have the rent? Was she going to try to give me a partial payment and flood the zone with feminine tears to sway me from heading to the courthouse to evict her? I was prepared for anything.
She opened the door right away, and through the glass storm door I beheld a beautiful sight. Deborah, in a short, white bathrobe that fell just past her bottom, red hair piled up on her head, still wet, just out of the shower, smiling at me with those big, welcoming green eyes. I felt a stirring in my groin, and stood there gaping. If she was trying to seduce me she was off to a great start. She opened the screen door and invited me in.
Well, come in Joe...what are you mute? I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. She smelled like white jasmine, it reminded me of the expensive bath lotions my second wife used to buy, which at the time I railed against for being a waste of damn money. Not sure if that was one of the reasons Diana left me or not, but on her fat rump it was a waste of money. For Deborah, it was money well spent. Joe? Joe...are you okay?
Sure...s-sorry, I mumbled as I came back to reality. You are just really, really beautiful this morning...if you don't mind me saying so. I wasn't just saying so to butter her up. I really meant it, and Deborah seemed to understand. She literally beamed, so I kept going. Dale has to be the biggest moron in the county to leave you, dear.
Oh, that's so sweet. Her smile was huge, and lit up her face. Well, come in, I guess we have a lot to talk about.
I followed her inside, remembering the few times I'd been over since she started renting from me, she was always conservatively dressed and attired. Very little skin showed in our previous encounters, so this was a very promising start I was thinking. As I crossed the threshold, Grumpy started barking at me, as he did whenever I appeared, and trying to shush him up, Deborah bent down to scoop him up.
I nearly fainted.
