I was just driving along, minding my own business, when I got a flat. I was not pleased. It was a beautiful sunny day and I'd just hopped in my little sweetheart and gone for a drive. I have this 2010 Chevrolet Corvette Grand Sport convertible, painted pink. It's a really, really, nice little car and I absolutely love it. And now my poor darling had a flat tyre.
I couldn't drive it like that. I might damage the wheel or something. Trouble is, I couldn't change the wheel, either. I'm a total klutz at things like that. Well, I suppose I could change it if I absolutely had to, but I had a far better idea.
I was wearing a short sundress and I have very nice legs. (My boobs aren't too bad either, let me tell you.) I figured that all I'd have to do was look helpless and someone would stop and change the wheel for me.
So there I am, standing next to my injured baby, looking sexy and helpless, waiting for my hero. No traffic, was there. I was on a country road and everyone seemed to be using the main roads. I was getting quite irritated with the scarcity of eligible heroes rushing to my rescue.
Finally, finally, a truck came lumbering up the road. I gave the driver a piteous look and he pulled over and hopped out. He still wasn't my choice of an eligible hero. He was, to put it mildly, a big fat slob, and he reeked. With him standing next to his truck and me over by my car I could still smell him. I was appalled.
"Hey, little lady," he says, in a very loud voice. "See you've got a bit of a problem."
"Um, yes," I agreed. "I don't know how to change a wheel."
"Dead easy," he bellowed. "Dead easy. I'll have that switched in no time. Afterwards."
"Um, after what?" I asked puzzled.
"After you give me a little reward for fixing your problem, of course."
OK. So I'd pay him. If I was in the city I'd have to pay a mechanic to come and do it. I guess this was no different.
"Oh. Ah, what would be a reasonable reward?" I asked, reaching for my purse. I didn't mind paying something but I wasn't going to be cheated. I could always wait until someone more reasonable came along.
"Hey, put your money away, little lady," he said. "I don't want your money. Hey, we're all alone out here and you're a pretty young thing. I'm sure we can work something out."
I found myself wishing for several things at that point. One, that he would stop bellowing. Two, that he'd back off because the smell was starting to get to me. Three, that he didn't mean what I thought he meant by that innuendo.
"Um, what do you mean by work something out?" I was starting to back away and he was still advancing.
"Hey, little lady, just a friendly bit of slap and tickle. It could get right interesting with a pretty little thing like you. It's been a while since I been with a pretty young thing and you'll learn something. Yeah, I'll give you some fun."
"Ah, no thanks," I said quickly, still backing away. "I don't think I want the same thing you do."
"Don't think you have much say in the matter," he said with a laugh.
I was trying to circle around my car and keep out of his reach. I had a nasty feeling that he was moving faster than me. Stupid car. I couldn't even hop in and lock myself in. The top was down.
"Listen, girl," he bellowed at me. "You don't want to make me mad. Just stay still and my friend here will amuse you."
He rather crudely patted his groin at that point.
If he touched me, I was going to be sick. Somehow, I didn't think that that would dampen his ardour. I was close to panicking, I can tell you that.
I was practically running around my car to keep away from this slob. I wasn't paying any attention to the road as there just wasn't any traffic. It came as a bit of a surprise when the truckie suddenly stopped in his tracks and looked past me.
"Do we have a problem here?" came a deep voice from behind me.
Spinning around there was this man standing in the middle of the road. Behind him was this huge black motorbike. I'd been concentrating on the truckie so hard I hadn't even heard him ride up. The bikie was easily as big as the truckie, but he seemed all muscle where the truckie was all gross fat.
I was wondering if I'd gone to hell or something. The bikie wore black leather with what looked like a skull on his chest. So what now? The two men fight it out for the right to rape me? I just stood there, not knowing what to do.
"I was just gonna change the little lady's wheel," blustered the truckie. "Seeing you're here you can do it."
So, no fight then, I thought, watching the truckie quickly scramble into his truck. The bikie just looked at him. It was rather a lethal look. I didn't really blame the truckie for taking off. I would have, too, if it wasn't for the flat tyre.
"If you'll pop your boot, miss," the bikie said quietly, "I'll change that wheel for you."
I popped the boot and the bikie got to work. Five minutes was all it took him. Wheel off, wheel on, flat tyre in boot, and boot locked, and I was ready to go. I was still somewhat dismayed. I could dodge the truckie for a while, because he was fat and out of shape. The bikie looked disgustingly fit. If he made a move he'd probably catch me before I even knew that he was attacking.
He lifted a hand and I squeaked and jumped. He grinned, knowing I was somewhat skittish with him there.
"I'll be going, miss," he said. "Take care. Don't forget to get that wheel fixed."
With that he gave me a casual wave, hopped onto his bike and took off, leaving me feeling somewhat stunned. He hadn't made a pass or anything. Was he blind or gay? I was feeling slightly offended. Of course, if he had made a pass I'd have been offended over that, as well. That's the way things are at times. Whatever, I got in my baby and continued my drive.
Now as I said, I was going for a drive, a way of relaxing and seeing a bit of scenery, getting out of the city for a while. I was in no hurry, had no place I had to be, just puttering along, enjoying myself. There was absolutely no reason for that cop to pull me over.
I couldn't believe it when this motorbike cop came up from behind, looked me over, and waved me over to the side, giving a beep on his siren for emphasis. I pulled over and turned to look at him, feeling indignant and put upon.
"Step out of the car, please, Ma'am," he says, all polite like, as though he really had an excuse to pull me over.
"Do you know how fast you were driving, Ma'am?" he asked, still being polite.
I did, and I told him, pointing out that I was not over the limit.
"Sorry, Ma'am," he said, "but you were actually travelling faster than that. Speeding in fact. I'd get your speedo checked if I were you. I'm going to have to write you a ticket."
"This is bullshit," I said, furious. "I was not speeding and you know it. You're just giving me a ticket because you want to for some reason. This is so unfair."
"Seriously, Ma'am, you were speeding. No need to be hostile. I'm only doing my job. You should have been a little more careful."
"I am always careful," I told him. "I never get tickets. I'm a good and safe driver."
"Really, Ma'am?" he says. "It's amazing how many people get booked when they're not doing anything wrong."
He had a nasty little smirk going. He knew I hadn't been speeding but it would just be my word against his. I felt like swearing at him, but that would probably get me another ticket. I just glared at him, instead.
He looked me over. Again. I'd noticed him checking me out when I got out of the car. Now his smirk got even wider.
"Well, you weren't going too fast," he said in a very silky tone. "I could probably be persuaded to forego the ticket."
I looked up smiling and hopeful and got a hell of a shock when he squeezed my breast.
"What the hell do you think you're doing," I shrieked at him, slapping at his hand. "How dare you touch me? You can take any ideas like that and stick them where the sun doesn't shine, you pervert."
"Nothing perverted about a man fucking a woman," the cop said. "I'm quite willing to demonstrate this."
"No way, Jose," I snapped, trying to stare him down.
He just smirked at me.
"I think you'll come across. You don't really have much choice, now do you?"
He started moving towards me and I started backing up and a motorbike came along. I could swear it was the same guy who'd chased off the truckie. He didn't say anything. He just pulled up across from us, got off his bike and stretched.
The cop turned and looked at him.
"You got a problem?" he asked the bikie.
"Ah, no, officer. Don't mind me. You go right ahead and deal with your malefactor. I've been riding for a while and need to stop and stretch my legs for a short while. Road safety, you know. Freshening up every so often makes me a safer rider. The authorities recommend regular breaks you know."
I recognised his voice. It was the same bikie. An angel in black as far as I was concerned. The cop glared over at the bikie and then he gave me a nasty look, as well. There was no way he could grab me, not with a witness.
"Right, I'll let you off with a warning," he snapped at me. "Just watch your speed in future."
He turned and stormed back to his bike, mounting and taking off fast.
The bikie took of his helmet and placed it on the seat of his bike and ambled across the road to me, grinning.