(This is not a true story. All characters are fictional, with made up names. Non of the characters are under 18 years of age.)
*
Stories of Hollywood Producers' casting couches are a myth. Maybe those stories were true in the era when studios were owned and run by movie moguls, but nowadays, they are owned by corporations and shareholders have to be looked after. I'm still waiting for a Hollywood starlet to proposition me. I sure as hell don't get any 'couch' action.
Let me introduce myself. I'm Jack Hardigan, minor movie Producer/Director. I produce, to be honest, B-Grade trash. I need to make a profit from my movies and I can't afford to take losses. Too many losses and no one will want to put money in my projects. Eye candy always helps me get the money back. If my movie needs eye candy, I have to go looking for it, it just does not walk in the door.
Female action heroes are in vogue, and I did like Xena Warrior Princess, so I decided a female action movie would be a good idea. The problem was finding someone with some box office appeal and a good set of tits. Forget any A-Lister, I can't afford them and they wouldn't want to ruin their careers by appearing in one of my films. My best chance of stumbling across likely prospects was schmoozing the Hollywood party circuit. Accordingly, I was excited when I managed to get an invite to a blockbuster Wrap Party.
The Wrap Party was in a L.A. warehouse which had been used as one of the movie sets. It was a balmy summer night and there were plenty of paparazzi. They weren't interested in me. I walked to the entrance unmolested. The security guy scrutinized my invitation before letting me in. Not surprisingly, there were plenty of beautiful people at the party. If there is one thing Hollywood does well it's fill up a room with great tits and biceps. As I made my way to the bar I scanned the room for anyone familiar.
I bypassed all the skinny women with fake tits. I spotted English actress, Leanna Healey. She was in a group, clutching a drink. I wondered if she would be interested. I decided I better get a drink first to settle me down, so that I looked like I belonged. I ordered a screwdriver from the barman and went looking for her.
"Hey Jack!" I heard someone call. It was Harry, a young Assistant Director to whom I had given a start when he dropped out of college. He was going places. "Where's Peg?" He asked.
"My invite did not allow a guest Harry. I'm on my lonesome tonight. Err...Peg and I have split up." I answered with a shrug.
"I'm sorry Jack. I wish I knew you were only on the list for one invite. I heard you are casting for your next pic." Harry said before taking a gulp of his cocktail, which had one of those umbrellas in it.
"Yes, I'm looking for a female lead for an action spectacular. No one too pricey mind you. Someone saucy, not skinny." I said with a laugh.
"I know exactly what you mean. They diet and over exercise and end up with no curves and a six pack. I spotted that British model Kelly Brown earlier. She might be what you need for your movie. She has the best rack in the business and the rest of her is a knockout. I don't think she has any projects on at the moment, and neither do I, if you need a Director" Harry said with a wink, before darting off into the crowd.
"Kelly Brown" I thought to myself. I tried to remember what she looked like. I looked around for Leanna on the basis that the Brits would stick together. English beefcake actor Jason Butcher caught my eye walking towards Leanna Healey's group with a couple of drinks in his hand. He handed a drink to a stunning brunette in a floral dress which displayed her assets. I didn't know if she was Kelly Brown, but whoever she was I would offer her the part. The dress had good cleavage and showed plenty of leg.
I did a circuit of the warehouse, studied what remained of the sets, grabbed some food, spilled some drink on myself and basically managed not to be noticed. I did a round of 'howdy-doody' to keep my profile up with those I knew, not many at this league. I am easily lost in a crowd like this. I definitely don't have a presence. Short, slim, average looks, my hair colored blonde because I wanted to look like Alan Ladd.
I chatted to a couple of women with good physiques. I think one of them was a porn star. I gave them my business card, but I just could not stop thinking of Ms Brown, if that was who she was. No one else at the party seemed right for the part, at a price I could afford. I suddenly saw Jason Butcher's drinking buddy walk towards the bar. I quickly emptied my glass and followed her. She ordered a beer and gulped half of it down. She looked angry as she stood facing the bar.
"The beer must be good" I commented before asking the bartender for a beer.
She ignored me. I pressed on.
"Hello, I'm Jack Hardigan. I'm producing a movie and I think you may be perfect for the lead role." I handed her my business card.
She looked at the card, turned her head towards me and with a slight smile said "I'm Kelly Brown".
"I detect an English accent, Kelly, are you in L.A. to work on a project?" I tried not to glance down to her cleavage.
"I was, but all my jobs are completed, so I guess I'm up for offers, or I go back home to England". Kelly Brown turned her back on the bar and leant against it, pushing her chest out. Her face flushed from too much alcohol.
This was promising. She had settled to having a conversation. "Jack, don't look at her tits" I thought to myself.
"Were you in this project? The Production Coordinator has done a fine job with this Wrap Party." I asked fishing for information.
"Oh no. My range is not enough for movies of this scale. I know I only get roles to display my boobs and bum. Like in the film Bikini Sundown. I know my limitations. I'm not good at playing angry and tough. Too many takes to get it right." Kelly said with a chuckle.
"I noticed you were doing 'angry' very well a moment ago" I said with a laugh.
"Yeah, a little tiff with Jason. We used to be a couple when I was a young gal. People grow apart. Jason said I'm too fat for films. He said I was only good enough for page 3 of the British Tabloids." Kelly sighed and took a sip from her beer.
"That was unkind. It just depends on the movie. Too many female leads in action movies simply do not have the power in the torso to be convincing. You would look convincing. Would you mind?" I asked before I placed a hand on her waist, feeling how full her curve was. It felt wonderful, round enough for a man to rest his hands upon. Surprisingly, Kelly turned her body fully towards me, entering my personal space. I had to step back slightly to avoid colliding with her breasts. This wasn't the time for a cheap thrill. She was slightly overweight, but just the way a man wants.
"You're quite firm. I'm sure you can manage." I said before removing my hand from her waist. I couldn't resist having a quick peek down her cleavage. She caught me and gave a slight smile as my face went red.
"Are you offering me a part, without an audition?" Kelly asked before glancing over towards Jason Butcher and leaning in towards me.
"Well, I'm on a very tight budget. It would depend on whether I could fit you in." I replied cautiously.
"When would the movie be ready to go." Kelly asked as she leant her bum against the bar with her torso bent slightly forward, her cleavage pointing towards Jason Butcher. Mr Butcher noticed. I also noticed, and I hoped she wasn't just wasting my time as part of some sort of jealousy game with Mr Butcher. I didn't think Mr Butcher would have any reason to be jealous. I'm just not Ms Brown's type. I couldn't recall her being with any men who were not beefcakes.