Just Friends

"Do you have a webcam?" The last time I'd used my webcam Dennis had caught me. I glanced at the clock, 10:30 p.m. He'd still be playing Dungeons and Dragons for another hour at least. I hoped.

"Yeah, but..."

"Great! Do you have Skype installed yet? We can video chat. Please? I really want to see you." I wanted to see him too, especially since we'd started planning to meet each other earlier that day.

"Well, um. Okay, but..."

"I'll meet you online then. Can't wait to see you beautiful." Click. The phone went dead in my ear. "My husband could come home anytime," I finished to myself. I stared at the cell phone in my hand and wondered what I'd gotten myself into. Tony White excited me, made me feel special. I could do this. Why not? That's why I'd created the Facebook account my husband knew nothing about; to have some fun and express myself in ways he'd never approve of. I opened the purple laptop and pressed the button to bring it to life then skidded into the bathroom to stare at myself in the mirror.

My heart pounded a loud rhythm in my chest and I pressed a hand to the space between my breasts. Maybe I should put a bra on? I wondered. The oversized college sweatshirt and worn out sweats were bad enough, at least I could brush my hair. My hand shook as I reached for the brush and it almost fell to the floor. Get a grip, girl. It's just a webcam. I needed to hurry. He'd be waiting for me online by now. With my mind racing I returned to the dining room table where my computer sat like a silent partner in crime.

I never suspected I'd wind up on camera with my best friend's internet boyfriend when I'd accepted his friend request. Shannon found it amusing to toy with men online, treating them like playthings for her own personal amusement. But she'd been just the type of person I'd been looking for when I created my secret account. I'd wanted to meet someone outrageous and wild with no shame, and no morals; that was Shannon Randolf. We were a bit like Thelma and Louise online. I'd let men play me all my life. I needed to turn the tables and learn to play men the way she did. I wanted to have fun. Take control. But when Tony's chat message flashed at the bottom of my computer screen everything changed. Shannon posted pictures of herself getting ready for a hot night out on the town, and bragged about getting laid the next morning to everyone on her friends list. Even someone like me, new and inexperienced with the social networks online knew the difference between an online boyfriend and a real life one. Tony and Shannon were online only, but he'd sent her money and gifts. He'd been willing to move he confided when he shared his pain with me during that first late night chat online. She lived in the Midwest and he came from a small farming town on the west coast. I knew Shannon would never seriously consider a real relationship with Tony. He wasn't black. Shannon only dated black men, and she'd been hoping for a proposal from her live in boyfriend. That made Tony fair game.

Tony's text on Mother's day shocked me however: I can't stop thinking about you. You're the most amazing woman I've ever met and I want to see you. Remembering my response to him still brought a smile to my face. I think you sent me a text meant for Shannon. Then his response: No I meant to send it to you. To hell with Shannon! She's a manipulative bitch. I want YOU. Let's see if he still wants me after seeing me live on webcam, I decided while punching in the password to bring my internet connection online.

His smile did something funny to the inside of me. For the first time, I looked into his green eyes. They were warm, inviting and sensual. He sat on a bed with pillows propped up behind him. I didn't know what to say. Say something, damn it.

"Hello Elle." His grin deepened into a wide smile.

"Hello Tony," I giggled, then silently cursed myself for it.

"Are you alone?"

"Yeah, Cody's asleep. But Dennis could be home anytime."

"Why are you still with him?" The last thing I wanted to talk about was my crumbling marriage, but his gaze penetrated me through the screen and I couldn't find the strength to evade the question.

"I've retained a lawyer. I'm filing for divorce, but I have to be careful or I risk losing my son. He's threatened to take him before. He even told me the only reason he married me was because he wanted a child. He used me for my uterus."

"My ex stole my kids from me. Changed the paperwork after I signed it, filed then took off for another state. They don't even know me now." He seemed to understand my worst fears. And I understood his pain.

"I'm sorry."

Tears wavered in his eyes, but he didn't shed them. He shrugged, looked down and then gave me another smile.

"You're smart, you'll do fine." He nodded at me, his eyes locked on mine before moving lower. My mouth felt dry, I licked my lips and wished I'd taken the time to put on a bra.

"Thanks," I murmured. He said nothing in response, but the camera tilted and he removed his shirt. He had no extra hair on his body, unlike Dennis who could have been the missing link. Tony had two moles on his chest. One rested directly in the center and the other a little to the left; about two inches above his right nipple. He had two tattoos, one on each muscular arm. His pale skin had a rosy tint to it. I tried to focus on the tattoos instead of the way I wanted to run my fingertips over his chiseled frame.

"Nice tattoos. Can I get a better look?" My voice cracked so I cleared my throat and reached for the can of root beer sitting beside my laptop. He laughed and turned, flexing his arms so the muscles rippled in each. The Pegasus tattoo on his left arm and red rose tattoo on his right arm didn't seem like typical tattoos a man would have but the detail in each design impressed me.

"Very nice." My voice sounded like an amused purr. Another sip from my soda and I'd regained control of myself once more.

"Do you like what you see?" He watched me, still smiling but with a hint of uncertainty in his voice. The trace of vulnerability in the way he tilted his head and looked up at the camera caught me off guard. I nodded, surprised by the strength of his presence. Though several hundred miles separated us, the reality seemed to blur as we stared across the computer screen at one another. He began to unbutton his jeans.

"Wait, what are you doing?" He laughed at my question while pulling his jeans off, revealing himself completely. I'd never seen an uncircumcised man before. His penis sprung outward toward the camera. He gripped it at the base and stroked it, holding the foreskin back while I stared. It was large and curved to the right at an angle. A bead of moisture clung to the head.

"I wanted to get comfortable. Care to join me?" He leaned back and continued to move his hand up and down the thick length of himself. I'd never known anyone so casual and open about their body. When our eyes met his grin widened into one of those "I dare you" sort of expressions that left me feeling hot and flustered. I'd wanted sexual freedom and excitement, so why did I hesitate now? Based on the email sent to Dennis from someone named Greg, I could only imagine what sort of games he was really playing tonight. Why should I feel guilty?

"Okay." Something about Tony made me feel a sense of familiarity, an unexpected easiness with him I'd never felt with another man. Sooner or later I'd fit the puzzle pieces together and figure out why. With the sweatshirt off, the cool air raised goose bumps on my skin.

"Very nice," he admired. The deep breath I'd been holding escaped with a rush. His rhythmic hand gestures slowed while he studied me. I leaned back to give him a better look.

"Are you touching yourself?" He wondered, unable to see me below the waist. I hadn't wanted things to go this far, but I couldn't say no to him.

"Yes." I slipped a hand down my sweatpants, brushed a finger over my already sensitive clit. He hummed in approval.

"I'd love to bury my cock inside you right now. I want to suck on those beautiful pink nipples of yours." His suggestion made me think about what his hands would feel like on my body. I watched him as he stroked his shaft down to the base. Then he cupped his balls, gave me a good long look before he wrapped his fingers around himself again. At least two inches longer than Dennis, who appeared to prefer men in his bed instead of the wife he'd promised to love honor and cherish.

"I'd like that too." The confession sprung from my lips before I'd considered the wisdom of the words, but Tony's face lit up and my wet fingers could only do so much. So much for playing hard to get.

"Meet me then. I'll be in town next Saturday. Please?" The short jerking movements of his hand along the thick length of his cock continued, a bit faster now. I could feel my own release building up. Just a little bit more. I liked him. I wanted him. There wouldn't be any surprises, not like the nightmare I'd experienced before. We'd be two consenting adults having some fun.

"Yes!" I exclaimed a bit more forcefully than intended as I'd obtained my release, felt that rush of warm fluid cover my fingers.

"Did you cum?" He moved his own hand so quickly now it blurred on the computer screen. I felt the wicked grin spread across my lips and nodded, slipped my drenched fingers from my sweatpants and held up my hand so he could see it on the computer screen. I licked my fingers and tasted the sweetness. He groaned, a loud sound of pure need that encouraged me to continue. An ache settled into my breasts, that familiar hungry need to be touched and caressed. I moved both hands over my stomach then upwards to cup my breasts, pinched my hardened nipples and moaned.

The blurred movements on the screen slowed and a stream of white erupted from Tony's cock. Then another and another, until he collapsed back onto the pillows, a wide grin on his face.

"You want to taste me don't you?" He shifted, reached for a towel and wiped the stickiness from his stomach and hands while he talked to me. I didn't know. The last time I'd tasted a man had been by force. Dennis hadn't been able to convince me to do it and we'd been married for six years. Tony arched an eyebrow at me, waited for my answer.

"Yes." What kind of man is he, I wondered, surprised I'd acquiesced so easily. What made me want to travel down this path again? Every time I stared into his eyes Tony drew me in deeper. His voice and smile bound me to him, captivated me.

"You will," he promised. "I'll take you places you've never been before."

"This is crazy. You know what I've been through. Why is it so easy to trust you?" The unspoken question, how would I know that he wouldn't hurt me too didn't need to be asked. It hung between us all the same. He looked down at the towel still in his hands and then at me. The smile was gone, his shoulders drooped and his eyes seemed haunted. How did he manage to look so confident one minute and vulnerable the next?

"We won't do anything you don't want to do. I promise." And with one charming smile he turned me into his willing puppet.

"All right," I conceded, half convinced he'd cancel anyways. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Have you heard of this club called the VIP Lounge? We could meet for dinner and see what happens from there." I knew the place by reputation. Wild parties, excellent music, dancing, and the best burgers in the county, the VIP Lounge promised to be exciting any day of the week.

"I've never been there, but I've heard the food's good. They have local bands perform on the weekends. My friend Jade knows a few that play there on occasion." The unmistakable sound of a car pulled into the driveway and I froze.

"What is it?" Tony straightened. I glanced at the backdoor and reached for my sweatshirt.

"Dennis is home. I've gotta go," I apologized and silently cursed his timing. The car in the driveway rumbled and sputtered before cutting off.

"Okay. Text me later?" I nodded and tugged my sweatshirt back on. He smiled when I paused to look at him again.

"I'm sorry I've gotta go so soon." The chain link gate to the driveway rattled like shackles between a prisoner's feet. "I'll talk to you later," I promised then watched Tony's image disappear when I clicked the disconnect button. The computer seemed to take forever to power down. Hurry up, I silently pleaded. The screen went black. Finally. Dennis's heavy footfall sounded on the front steps. I couldn't face him. Not now. I lunged from the chair and nearly knocked it over as I hurried towards the dark sanctuary of my bedroom. Sharp pain lanced through my big toe when I stumbled into the dresser but I held my silence and burrowed under the covers. With my cell phone still clutched in my hand underneath the pillow, I pretended to be asleep. The backdoor clicked shut. Vibrations from my cell phone pulsed in my hand as it went off. The new message tickled my arm all the way up to my elbow. Dennis moved around in the other room, his footsteps on the linoleum told me he'd stopped in the kitchen. He rummaged through the refrigerator and a knot formed in my stomach at the sound of his muffled swearing. I'd made dinner and saved him a plate, why was he so angry? My phone lit up when I flipped it open; a message from Tony.

Everything Ok? The message asked. In the other room Dennis ran the water faucet so I typed out a quick reply. I'm in bed pretending to be asleep so he'll leave me alone. Will text again when it's safe. What does safe feel like? I wondered as I hid under the blankets and slipped the phone beneath my pillows. I shut my eyes and focused on my breathing. In and out, slow deep breaths. I recalled Tony's face in my mind and began to relax. I'd had Internet relationships before, but Tony was the first online friend I'd agreed to meet since...I shook my head and curled in on myself to avoid the memory of that horrible night. Why was I putting myself in the same vulnerable position by agreeing to meet Tony? My instincts told me he was different. The unmistakable sexual tension between us, the way we could speak to each other so candidly, and my unique ability to completely open up to him changed everything. And I'd never been intimate with someone I'd considered a friend before.

"I know you're awake. You left your root beer on the dining room table." Dennis's voice from the doorway sent a wave of panic through me. I didn't respond but forced myself to continue breathing. I listened to him move through the room and wrapped my fingers around the cell phone under my pillow. "And I told you to stop cooking for me. If I wanted to eat crappy cooking I'd go to a fast food joint so stop wasting food." I gritted my teeth and exhaled slowly. With one swift jerk, Dennis ripped the blankets off and straddled me. He forced my head into the pillow when I tried to move. "Keep quiet or you'll wake Cody up," he said as he tugged my sweatpants down.

"No!" my protest was muffled by the pillows but clear enough for him to understand. He forced my thighs apart with his knee and groped between my legs. I hated my life. I hated him. Hated the way he felt when he forced himself inside me, hated the way he grunted and panted in my ear.

"You're awfully wet. Who've you been playing with, bitch?" Hot tears burned my eyes. I held onto the cell phone underneath the pillow like a life line and sobbed when it vibrated in my hand again. Dennis pulled out of me and I sagged against the bedding with relief only to have him spread my ass apart and rub against the impossibly small entrance.

"No!" I said more forcefully, struggling against him. "You don't want me to need surgery again do you?" I pleaded, hoping his lust for money would stop him. He ignored me and the wet head of his member stretched me apart. It burned. The pain of it shot up into my stomach and I screamed. He stopped and withdrew, pressed my head into the pillow.

"Shhh!" He warned, and his fingers tightened around my throat as he thrust himself back inside me. So relieved that he'd decided to leave my ass alone, I let him pump himself in and out of me in silence and prayed he'd hurry up and finish. Why had it come to this? I'd thought myself in love with him once; married him and had his baby. And yet everything I'd done to please him had never been enough. Almost immediately following Cody's birth, Dennis's behavior toward me changed. I was no longer necessary. Extra baggage, he'd once said. At least he can't get me pregnant again I thought as he thrust inside me one more time, held himself there and grunted before he removed the heavy weight of himself from my back. He settled himself on his side of the bed in silence and let the darkness swallow me up in its unrelenting emptiness. I wondered what happened between him and Greg that sent him home to use me again after so many months of being left alone. Stiffness settled into my fingers from the tight grip I maintained on my phone. I held on and waited for Dennis's breathing to sink into the unbearable snoring pattern that told me he'd gone to sleep. How did this happen? How had my life come to this?

I cautiously sat upright on the edge of the bed and let the blankets slip from my aching limbs. The musky scent of my wet thighs turned my stomach. A dull ache at the base of my spine greeted me when I stood, followed by a sharp jab from my stubbed toe. The bathroom's sanctuary remained the only room in the house with a lock on the door. I hid myself there with the faint glow from my phone for illumination.

I can't wait to see you beautiful, the text from Tony read. Had it only been half an hour? He made me feel beautiful. If he knew what a ruined mess of a woman I really was, would he want me still?

I can't wait to see you either. The weak signal in the bathroom delayed the text's transmission. Damn it! I stood in the darkness and held the phone up to the window like a human cell tower. Finally the confirmation came through. I dropped onto the toilet seat in relief. Each breath sucked into my lungs hurt until the dam broke and tears rained a river down my cheeks. Buzz, Buzz! The phone's vibration sounded loud against the porcelain of the bathroom sink and I jumped like a startled rabbit. Even before looking at the display I knew it would be Tony.

Do you have class tomorrow? I'd fought for the opportunity to go back to school after Cody's birth and the scholarship I'd earned changed my life by making it possible. I'd never have been online if not for my classes. I'd never have met Tony.

Yes, I replied. In my Shakespeare class we're discussing Hamlet, in Creative Writing we're working on poetry. I love it when my classes flow together like that. I set the phone on the window sill and turned on the water. The cold stung my fingers while I waited for the temperature to rise and it felt good against my puffy eyes.

I'm not a huge Shakespeare fan. But I like your writing. Not a Shakespeare fan? Well at least he likes my writing, so that redeems him a bit. I chuckled and typed out my response.

Thanks. Do you think I'm good enough to make a living at it? I'd recently submitted a short story online and hoped to hear something soon. I knew the website wouldn't pay me for the submission but seeing my work in print would be reward enough for now.

If it wasn't worth pursuing I'd tell you. You're good, you can do it. His simple faith humbled me. Yes I really can do it. Thunder rolled overhead. Rain splattered against the window in sheets as I huddled in the dark. The claustrophobic emptiness of the chilly bathroom pressed down on me while I stood and stared out the window into the storm. My life is a prison right now, but I'm gonna make it better. I'm gonna fly again. I'm gonna be free. When I flipped the light switch on I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and winced. Unused to the brightness, I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them again to face myself. Someday I'm gonna look at my reflection and be proud of the person staring back at me.