(Dedicated to my former road wife.)
"I'd say she's doing a woman's hardest job: juggling wolves."
-- Grace Kelly, "Rear Window"
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Ann Eldridge picked at the angel hair pasta on her plate with her fork with disinterest. She had no appetite. Or maybe it was that her appetite was for something different. To her, the pasta tasted bland. That had been a problem in her life recently. Everything seemed bland to her. Ann would be turning forty-two soon and she craved something different out of life. Something invigorating -- maybe even shocking.
"Is everything alright, Ann?"
Ann looked up from her plate of food at Robert sitting across the table from her in the quiet restaurant. No, everything is not alright, she thought to herself. Far from it. But she could not bring herself to tell Robert that. They had only been on two previous dates, but already Ann knew in her heart that this relationship was not going to last. The problem was not Robert because he was a nice person. But maybe that was precisely the problem. He was too nice. Too accommodating. Too unassertive. Too bland.
"Yes, it is, thanks," Ann said, giving her date a thin smile. "I guess I just don't have much of an appetite tonight."
"I could get the waiter to bring you something else," Robert offered.
Ann gave her head a feeble shake and forced her blue eyes to remain focused on Robert. "No, thank-you, Robert," she said. "I'll just finish this. It's perfectly fine."
As she forced another few bites of pasta into her mouth Ann's eyes scanned the restaurant. Tables of seemingly content couples were all about the dimly lit room. All of them were talking and smiling, appearing perfectly happy. Ann wondered how many of them were like her: wearing a mask of contentment and trying to ignore the discontent within themselves. She took another bite of her food, choking down her ennui.
"Did you say that Danny was at his father's this weekend?" Robert asked, interrupting Ann's introspection.
"Yes, he'll be there for the next two days -- until Sunday evening," she said.
Danny was Ann's twenty year-old son and the only positive result of her failed marriage. She had gotten married thinking she was in love and that it would last forever. Now she accepted that nothing lasts forever. But sometimes that is a blessing. Now that she had been single for nearly three years Ann felt as though time was her enemy. She did not want to live out the rest of her days quietly waiting for the inevitable. She had her own home and a secure job with the local school board that paid well. Ann did not want more out of life, but she certainly wanted something different. There was still much life left in her and she wanted to live life to the fullest that she possibly could. But she could not see herself doing that with a man like Robert.
"Well, maybe you could come over tomorrow night then, Robert suggested. "I could make you supper, instead of us eating out for a change."
Ann twirled pasta around her fork, trying to avoid Robert's hopeful gaze as long as possible. "Yes. That sounds nice," she said. "I'll have to see what I'm doing. I've been promising Lindsay that I would go out with her to a movie some night for weeks now. I thought that with Danny away for the weekend I should call her so we can do something."
Robert smiled and gave her a nod. "I see," he said. "Maybe some other time then."
Ann could hear the rain falling outside. It had been overcast all day and thunderstorms were forecast. Now they were beginning. The weather matched her mood that evening. Something had been brewing within her for months and it was becoming harder for her to ignore it. As she listened to the thunder rumble she smiled, thinking that what her life needed was a jolt of electricity to shatter the numbing calm.
There were only a few forkfuls of food left on Ann's plate when their waiter approached their table. Robert had finished eating his smoked salmon some time ago and was sitting patiently waiting for Ann to finish. He reminded her of a puppy obediently waiting to be let outside.
"Would you two care for something else?" the waiter asked. "Perhaps some coffee or dessert?"
Robert gave Ann a questioning glance and she took the cue. "Coffee sounds nice," she said.
Ann looked up at the waiter and smiled. She guessed that he could not be much more than her own son's age. But there was a quality about him that she couldn't quite define that stirred something within her. Maybe it was his piercing green eyes, or the way he smiled. Then she realized what it was. It was the way he smiled when he looked at her. No, not just looked -- leered. His eyes had a craving in them that she had never seen in Robert's.
While their waiter was taking her order earlier that evening Ann had noticed his eyes roam from the menu in her hands to her breasts. At first she felt shy and uncomfortable over the unwanted attention. She was normally a modest, if not shy and slightly insecure woman. She did not believe just how pretty men considered her to be -- although several of her female friends had often tried to convince her otherwise.
That evening Ann had decided to wear a new dress that she had recently bought. It was black, knit and did little to hide her curves. The neckline was V-shaped and cut deeper than her other dresses, so much so that Ann almost decided at the last minute to wear something else. For her, the problem with her new dress was that it showed more cleavage than she normally felt comfortable revealing. And, despite her lack of vanity, Ann wasn't oblivious to the fact that she had a bust that often garnered her looks from men and even a few women when she walked down the street. She did not want to appear like a walking invitation, as her mother would say. However, after choosing a comfortable bra to wear beneath her dress and convincing herself that many women showed more skin than she would be, Ann wore the black dress.
As Ann felt herself beginning to regret her decision to wear her new dress that evening she stopped and mentally scolded herself for being so prudish. That is how the Old Ann would have felt. It was time for her to let the New Ann enjoy the freedom she yearned for. While she placed her order with the waiter earlier that evening Ann arched her back subtly, allowing her round breasts to push out at the black material hugging them. This evening they seemed especially prominent to her. Perhaps it was how the dress clung to her, or the bra she was wearing. She could feel her nipples tingle and her clit begin to jump as the waiter ogled her when he took her order. She gave the young man a warm smile and thanked him before he left their table earlier.
