'I'm so happy,' my mom said, as she pulled the wedding veil off and ducked down to look in the mirror. 'Does that sound silly?'
'Of course not,' I said, packing the veil into its silk box. 'It's your wedding day. I'd be worried if you weren't happy.'
'And you're okay with the move? I know the farm is isolated...'
'We've talked about this, Mom. The farm is beautiful. I'm excited to see what it's like living there. And it's not like I have anything going on here.'
I'd lost three jobs in the two months since I'd finished high school. Mom said I'd yet to find my passion, but I wasn't sure it was that simple. I seemed inordinately untalented at everything, that was the true problem. I was hoping the farm was the answer.
'Okay. Okay good. I love you, honey.' Mom dragged a comb through her blond hair one last time, and threw the removable train of her dress onto the hotel bed. 'We'll deal with that later. Let's go party!'
I laughed as I left the room after her. It was amazing to see my mother so carefree. For most of my eighteen years it'd just been me and her, and she'd barely had a moment when she wasn't worrying - about money, me or the future. Now everything was going to be okay.
She'd met Cole, my new stepfather, when she'd driven out to his farm to try and get a contract. She'd been desperate enough to drive six hours for one meeting, as her boss had been threatening her with firing if she didn't get her sales stats in order. And despite it being a multi-million dollar business, the farm's IT was from the dark ages, she'd said, and their security was terrible. It had seemed a sure thing. Unfortunately Cole had said he liked the ancient technology and the fact that to him security meant a solid fence and a gun cabinet, not a load of nonsense on a screen. So she hadn't got a contract, but she had got a date.
It wasn't long before she introduced me. She'd wanted to be honest about being a single mother. And she'd wanted me to give her an honest opinion on her new boyfriend.
Honestly? He was hot, for an older guy. Fit and tanned and kind of intense. He looked at me like I was cattle he wanted to put a price on. I didn't like that much, but I understood it was just his way. And he made Mom feel like a queen. What more could I ask for?
He drove twelve hour round trips twice a week while he was trying to persuade her to marry him. And finally she'd agreed.
It was at their engagement dinner I met my stepbrothers-to-be. Cole was also a single parent. His wife had died when his youngest son was still a baby, and since then he'd brought up his three sons alone. They were now 19, 21 and 24, and they all worked at the farm.
Blake, Hunter and Drew were as fit and good looking as their dad. Blake was the oldest and very careful around me and Mom, very gentlemanly and courteous, but had an easy smile. Hunter could be more off-hand and distant, and he was the most like Coke in intensity. Drew was funny, always teasing and managed to get even his dad to laugh sometimes. When Mom suggested we move in with them I didn't hesitate. I'd always wanted siblings and I couldn't wait to be a proper family.
And now we were, kind of. Mom and Cole had been married five hours. We'd had the reception, done the toasts, heard the speeches, it was time for the dancing. Mom and I didn't have a lot of family, but we were both good at making friends and so the room was full and buzzing as the DJ played all the oldiest and goodiest songs.
Cole and Mom did their dance and then everyone was called onto the floor. I hung back a moment, feeling shy, watching my mom hug Cole's aunt and then kiss his uncle on the cheek. She'd been well and truly welcomed into the family.
'Come on,' Cole said, suddenly appearing by my side. 'No holding back on the celebrating. You've got dancing to do.' I was glad to be persuaded as it got me over my nerves. His hand was on my forearm and I thought he meant he was going to be my first partner, but then my hand was being placed in Drew's. 'Take her for a spin,' Cole said in that brusque way he had. As if I was a car not a human. I laughed.
'Dad...' Drew turned to me. 'Well, I guess we're dancing,' he said, but he didn't sound enthusiastic.
'It's okay. We don't have to...' I was a bit hurt at his reluctance.
'No. I want to, of course. It's just, Dad can be a little blunt. He wants us to... bond as a family or whatever. And he doesn't have time for that to happen organically, apparently.' He rolled his eyes and put my hands on his shoulders, backing me into the throng of people.
'So at the farm,' I said. 'What kinds of jobs do you think I'll be able to do?'
'Errr...'
'I asked your dad but he was kind of vague.' I looked up at Drew's face, and found he was staring over my shoulder. I whipped my head round. 'Is there someone you'd rather...' but it was his dad he was staring at, and I saw Blake and Hunter, standing at the edge of the dance floor looking too. None of them were smiling, in fact Blake looked concerned. 'He's not that bad a dancer,' I said as I twirled past, trying to make a joke. Drew's mouth twitched up, but that's all the response I got.
During a break during the dancing Cole came over and asked me how many glasses of champagne I'd had. (Two.)
'How many does it usually take you to get drunk?'
'What?'
'So we know to keep an eye on you,' Blake said, sitting down next to me.
'Oh. I don't know. I don't normally drink. It's only because it's a wedding...'
'Good time to experiment then,' Cole said with a stern glance at Blake. 'While we're here to keep you safe.'
It seemed weird that he was pushing me to drink, but I wasn't going to say no. Who knew when I'd get to drink free champagne again with parental permission and safe supervision. Blake didn't look happy, but I took another glass of champagne and started to sip it.
Turns out four is my limit. Halfway through the fifth I was wobbling on my satin heels and feeling pretty sick.
Cole told Hunter to take me outside for some air.
'There's air in here,' he told his dad. 'Your guests aren't fish, you know.'
Hunter, I'm not gonna tell you twice.'
So with some sighing we made it out onto the dark lawn, Hunter's arm wrapped around my back to keep me steady.
'Iss nice,' I slurred, 'tha you're all looking affer me. Not used to it.'
Hunter winced, but that could be because I stood on his foot as I stumbled.
*
My stepbrothers went back to the farm the morning after the wedding, but Mom and Cole and I stayed behind to pack the last of our belongings up. There wasn't a lot. Mom and I had rented a two-bed furnished place so it was mostly just clothes and a few sentimental items. It all fitted in Cole's pickup.
I fell asleep on the journey, and only woke briefly when Cole and Mom raised their voices slightly.
'She's as capable as any boy,' Mom was saying, real heat in her voice.
'Ain't denying that, sweetheart, but there are still tasks that girls are better fitted for.'
'Like what?'
'Indoor work...'
'You mean cooking and cleaning?'
'Ain't no shame in that. Honest work. But no, me and my boys are used to chores. We all do our share. What I'm saying is we need to find a role for her.'
'And does she get a say?'
'Course. I only want everyone to be happy. I think having you two out on the farm is going to make everyone happy. I know I'm happier already.' His hand found her thigh and I closed my eyes again.
*
It was harder to find a role for me than I'd anticipated. The horses scared me, the machinery was beyond comprehension and I couldn't knock in a fence post to save my life. Drew spent hours laughing as I tried to reach the top of the hay baler or failed to lift a shovel of dung out a barn. I was useless and irritable.