Time has stopped. Joanne could feel her heart beating out of her chest and her stomach churn. It was like an outer body experience. As though it wasn't real.
"Joanne?" A voice asked, although it felt far away.
Joanne was breathing slowly, her vision was blurry.
"Are you going to say anything?" The voice said again.
Joanne blinked and her vision returned to normal.
This is happening,
she thought,
it's real.
"For god sake Joanne!" Freddy's voice shouted, "how can you explain this?!"
Joanne looked back down at the table with the many, many photos of her in incriminating positions.
"Freddy," She managed to whisper our, "I'm sorry."
"Sorry?!" He shouted, "You've been cheating on me! And by the look of it you did it a lot! I mean for christ sake! You have tattoos I never knew about?! And the hair, the lips!"
What does he know? How much does he know?
Joanne looked back at her husband, he looked angry, but also sad.
"Please, explain this to me." He whispered as a tear ran down his face.
After everything I've been through, everything I've done to stop Jason, Claire and even Neill from exposing me to Freddy. He found out on his own.
"I... I don't know where to begin." Joanne whispered.
"How about when you first started to cheat on me and decided to destroy our marriage?" Freddy shot back at her.
He knows already, there's no point hiding anymore.
Joanne's legs felt like they were going to give way and she sat down on the sofa. Her breathing became erratic and she was gasping for air.
"I didn't want to." Joanne gasped out, "Freddy I... I..." she panted over and over.
"Joanne?" He asked with a concerned voice.
Suddenly, Joanne ran to the bathroom and threw up into the toilet. Over and over she vomited.
I can't believe it, it's over!
When she returned to the living room and sat down she was still panting for air. To her surprise, Freddy handed her over a glass of water.
"Here, take this." He said.
Joanne took a sip and put it down.
"Thank you," She whispered "when, when did you hire that man?"
Freddy looked at her with sadness in his eyes.
"I've thought something has been going on for a while, all the changes. Then when I called and you said you were at work, I knew you were lying. I thought maybe you were having an affair, but I never expected this."
"I'm so sorry Freddy." Joanne whispered.
"Just, explain it to me. Please, I need to understand." Freddy asked her calmly.
"Okay," Joanne said, she sat up and looked at her heartbroken husband, "it started around 6, maybe 7 months ago."
"What?!" Freddy replied in pure shock, "for half a year you've been doing this behind my back?!"
"I didn't want to Freddy," Joanne tried to defend herself, "you have to believe me!"
"These photo's say otherwise!" Freddy argued back.
"I... I'll tell you everything, okay?" Joanne said, she hoped that if she could explain what happened there might be a slight chance of Freddy staying with her.
"For the last few years, I've been going onto online chat rooms to have dirty chats with men." Joanne admitted.
"What?" Freddy asked and Joanne could see the shock on his face.
That's nothing,
she thought.
"We never have sex Freddy, you barely even looked at me. I just wanted to feel good about myself and that did it." Joanne tried to argue.
"So that justifies you cheating on me? That makes it okay?" Freddy argued.
"No," Joanne admitted, "I'm sorry."
"Just, keep going." Freddy told her.
"Eventually, I accidentally sent a photo to one man that had my face in. He recognised me and threatened to show you what I had been doing. I didn't have a choice, I didn't want you to know. That's how it started." Joanne said.
"So, he blackmailed you? Who was it?" Freddy asked.
"It was.... Jason and Claire." Joanne stuttered out.
"Your assistant?! Both of them?!" Freddy said, it was obviously hard for him to get his head around it.
"They're evil Freddy, the things they've made me do! I did it to stop them telling you, to save our marriage!" Joanne tried to justify.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Freddy asked.
"I couldn't," Joanne said, "It went too far too fast, they quickly had so much dirt on me that I knew I couldn't explain. I just hoped that if I went along with it then they would eventually let me go."
"And have they?" Freddy asked.
"No," Joanne admitted. It was strange, she was still shaking and afraid, but finally admitted everything to Freddy felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, "they are still using it against me."
"Wait," Freddy said and looked up, "when they came over for dinner, they were blackmailing you?"
"Yes." Joanne whispered back.
"And the tattoos? I mean, you're covered in them!" Freddy said.
"They've made me, you know I never liked tattoos." She said.
"I just, I can't believe it." Freddy said.
"I know," Joanne replied, "it's a lot. I've been living in hell for so long."
"But these photos, they're not all with Jason and Claire?" Freddy asked.
"Freddy, are you sure you want to know everything?" Joanne asked, she knew the more he knew, the worse she sounded.
"I need to know everything." He said firmly.
"Okay," Joanne replied and took a deep breath, "they've made me do... things, with other people. It was against my will, they've tied me up, forced me to have sex with men and women."
"These photo's don't look forced." Freddy said.
"I... I know." Joanne said.
What can I say? That I enjoyed being forced and taken like a slut and that I actually came nearly every time.
"How many?" Freddy asked, "how many people have you been with?"
Joanne hated that question, she hated her answer even more.
"I don't know." She said bluntly.
"Jesus Christ Joanne!" Freddy shouted, "You tell me it's forced, that you were blackmailed, but you look pretty dam happy in these!"
"Freddy I..." Joanne went to speak but Freddy interrupted her.
"And what about this?" He asked and held up a recording device.
He hit play, there was no video, just sound.
"You like being a whore?" A male voice asked and Joanne recognised it as the private investigator that Freddy paid for, the one she had sex with.
"Mmm yeah baby, I love taking cock after cock like the slut I am." Joanne's voice moaned back.
Joanne felt tears start to well in her eyes, there was no denying the pleasure in her voice. She did enjoy it, she just hated herself for it.
"The blackmail," Freddy said, "I can almost understand, I hate it and you should've just told me, but that makes sense," Freddy looked at the ground and then back up to Joanne, "but can you tell me, of all the sex you've had, you didn't enjoy it? That there wasn't a single time that you were a willing participant?"
Joanne knew the truth.
"No," She admitted, "there were times that I enjoyed it, times that didn't have to happen, but I let it and wanted to."
Joanne knew it was over, she saw no point in lying even more to Freddy.
When she said that Freddy started to cry properly, he was trying to fight it, but he couldn't.
"I'm so sorry Freddy," she told him, "it just kept getting worse and worse and I didn't know how to get out."
Freddy's hands were shaking and he refused to look at Joanne.
"I just, I thought I could fix things. I didn't want to lose you." Joanne pleaded with him.
"I can't get past this Joanne," He said whilst looking at the floor, "how could I ever trust you again? You've hidden this huge secret for so long, you've been living a double life."
"I know." Joanne cried back.
"I won't tell Tom," Freddy said, "he doesn't need to know any of this."
Joanne looked at him,
if only he knew what happened between me and Tom, that is one secret he can never know.
"I don't want to hurt your relationship with him," Freddy continued, "but us, we can't carry on after this."
His voice was soft, he wasn't trying to hurt Joanne, which just made it worse for her. Joanne burst into tears and nodded, she knew she had nothing to answer back with. She just wanted to try and do anything to make up for what she had done.
"I'll move out." She told him.
"You don't have to." Freddy said.
Even after all this, he's still trying to be nice. I can't put him through anymore.
"No, it's okay. I'll sort out somewhere to stay." She told him.
Freddy wiped away a few tears and then stood up. Without saying anything he left the house and Joanne was alone.
She just sobbed on the chair for a while. Until she knew she had to pack up her stuff.
A few hours later she had done it. She didn't take everything, all of her clothes wouldn't fit into one suitcase. She then booked herself into a hotel, it would have to do until she could sort something else out.
Leaving her house, Joanne couldn't believe that it had all gone just like that. Everything she had done to stop that happening, it was all for nothing.
She drove to the hotel, had a cigarette before going to her room and then lay on the bed for hours, crying.
Joanne didn't move until the sun came up the next day.
It was around 9am when her phone started to ring and she saw it was Tom.
Oh god, here we go.
"Hi." Joanne said as she answered the phone.
"Mum, what the hell is going on?" Tom said in a panicking voice, "Dads just told me you two have broken up?!"
"Tom, it's a long story." Joanne told him, she didn't know what Freddy said to him.
"I don't understand, you said you two were fine?" Tom asked.
"I know what I said," Joanne told him, "but things change, people change."
"This doesn't make sense." Tom argued.
Joanne spoke to her son for twenty minutes, trying to calm him down. Eventually it worked.
