Part 4 Her boyfriend's friends
Her descent ends with no self-respect, no identity
© LIPrulz April 2009
(10th in the sequence of Jasmin)
---This is my writing, but it is a transcript of Jasmin's secret diaries that continues straight on from Descent Chapter 3. I have added dialogue for a more complete narrative. Jasmin herself feels by turns shame and self-loathing at what she did, is disgusted by the actions of others and at other times, the reason I am writing these events, she feels incredibly turned on which I of course benefit from. MY feelings are my own but we hope you enjoy her experiences. Also please make your comments, Jasmin has become even more curious than I am about your reactions...
We have photos of Jasmin at the time but she absolutely refuses to let me share them. So without them I hope this brief description does justice to the beautiful sultry creature she was, and still is. She was nineteen, half Japanese half Australian, a high cheek boned face, thick soft lips, lovely long eye lashes, straight glossy black hair down to the middle of her back, her appearance favours Caucasian though at times she looks very Japanese, Jasmin is about 5' 5" tall, measurements then she assures me 33B-23-35, which by the way have barely changed now, 35C-24-36. Her legs are very athletic from various sports, the rest of her figure very trim from swimming. Jasmin's bum is firm and sets off beautifully her slim waist. Yes her B cup was very perky, and she retains that perkiness. Her nipples are amazingly long and still are, but pink then unlike the brown of now---
The next day was Sunday. In the morning Graham helped me do the last of the cleaning before his mates came over. We were having a barbeque out by the pool and then they were going to watch the footy. Graham loves Rugby League. I think the game is stupid and most of my former girlfriends only watched it to perve on the players. That's ok I suppose but really it's just a waste of my time I think.
After Daniel visited me the day before I had been very moody. Daniel was a bastard but I was so confused about it. I was wondering how it would be next time he came and I didn't tell Graham because I realised in a way I was looking forward to Daniel's visits. Graham copped my bad mood during the afternoon with me snapping over household chores. He never said much on Saturday night about my mood swings when we went to bed though. He was so looking forward to his mates' visit that he hardly noticed my off mood. I like listening to music, singing along with it most of the time when I'm doing housework. But when I'm upset about something I don't even turn the radio on. Graham never noticed when I didn't have it on yesterday afternoon and night.
Sunday morning just before lunch Graham said it was such a beautiful day I should wear my bikini while we had the barbeque. I know Graham didn't mind showing me off and he wanted his friends to envy him. I had several bikinis but it was the bright green one he liked most. That one I never wore to the beach or a public pool. It wasn't see through when wet or anything it was just brief, sheer shiny rayon with small string ties, at both sides for the bottom and behind my back for the top. The bikini was not padded so my nipples were very prominent. I was far to modest at the time to think of wearing it anywhere in public.
"You sure about that?" I asked him. "What about your friends staring at me?"
"That's what I want, Jasmin. Be friendly with them. Not slutty like I know you can, just friendly. I want to know if I can trust my friends around you or not."
It just sounded like an excuse for Graham to show me off again, even at home. I was annoyed with what he said though. "What do you mean, slutty? Why have you been so nasty to me lately?" I wasn't going to cry. I wouldn't cry if I stayed angry.
Graham rolled his eyes condescendingly. He demeaned me a lot like that lately and I was really starting to hate it. "What do you call your behaviour at the party where you let a bunch of strangers fuck you silly and you let another virtual stranger video it? And no condoms either but you want me to wear them now. I'd call your behaviour nasty and slutty just for starters." Graham was almost spitting the words at me.
I knew already that he found out about that party and I had thought about how a conversation might go with Graham and what I should say to keep us together. "I'll go on the pill for you," I said, knowing I didn't need it now anyway. "Wait till my next austudy payment and I'll see the doctor. At that party Graham I was tricked into that, but it shouldn't matter anyway, I wasn't with you then."
"Yeah you were still with Damien. You might be interested to know, Jasmin that the love of your life knew what happened at the party when he left. He had a hand in setting it up with Wayne."
I tried not to believe that. Damien would never have just left me in that situation if he knew. And he would never have set me up like that. Damien loved me. I was pretty sure he wouldn't love me now but he did then. But Graham was always saying things like that about Damien, like he was worried I would go back to Damien and had to criticise him all the time so that I wouldn't think about going back.
Graham played stupid mind games like that. If I had ever stopped and thought about my situation I would have left Graham for sure. But where could I go? My friends had lied about me and deserted me and my mother didn't want to know me either. Plus I was pregnant even if I hadn't told anyone yet. I had to stay with Graham so I just overlooked most of the things I would never have tolerated before. I was just about to learn exactly what I would do for friendly attention, what I would do to feel good about myself.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I should have kept trying to contact Damien and then left to be with him. But I was in a situation where I was blinded to common sense. So without being able to see what I should do, without knowing what I should have done, I kept making things worse. My world when I was 19 and 20 had no bright future so I just lived really from moment to moment. Common sense is a misnomer because I sure had none. Uncommon sense should be the term.
About the party there wasn't much I could say to defend myself without telling Graham about all the other stuff before that party with Craig, Carl, Ed and Ed's son. So I was silent.
Graham wasn't finished scoring points against me yet though. I wonder if even then he knew I really had nowhere else to go. "I don't know why I put up with you sometimes, Jasmin. How stupid are you to be so easily tricked into making that video?"
There was nothing I could say. Graham just shook his head and left me with the vacuuming.
Graham wanted me looking sexy and I was fuming. I decided to oblige him. I put the green bikini on, applied black eye liner and lip-gloss and went out with my dark white-framed sunglasses and a book to lie by the pool. It was a little windy early on so I covered myself with a beach towel. If my nerve didn't fail me I would not only look sexy for his friends but act sexy as well. I wanted Graham at his wits end with worry.
You can see already how self-destructive I was becoming in this relationship.
His friends arrived all around the same time. They were all single except one. Milton was a bit older than the rest, maybe mid thirties and married. The others were Steve, Gavin, Adrian and Trevor. Steve and Trevor had steady girlfriends that I had met before at emergency services get togethers and parties but I didn't know them well. Milton's wife and their girlfriends hadn't wanted to come to an afternoon and night of the boys having a barbeque and a drink. I don't think they knew yet that I was staying with Graham. Gavin and Adrian had always flirted with me before but my mother had made sure they left me pretty well alone, plus Gavin was too overweight for my liking and Adrian was just boring. The four single guys were aged from early to late twenties.
They left the eskies of beer at the brick barbeque and all came down to the pool to say hello to me. I think Graham was getting meat and some salad he bought before out of the fridge while they stood around and talked to me. I just lay there on the pool deck chair under the towel.
Behind my dark sunglasses they couldn't see my eyes and I caught all of them at various times looking over my body. The beach towel was big so there was nothing they could see except my bare arms, shoulders and face.