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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons is entirely coincidental.
*****
I push the button on my built-in coffeemaker and hear the beep that says it's starting my favorite brew. I stretch, reaching as far toward the kitchen's copper-coffered ceiling as I can reach, luxuriating in the feeling of not having to be at the office this morning. But then I glance at the clock and nearly gasp. I've been a little
too
leisurely. It's seven forty-five and my visitor is supposed to be here at eight. My makeup and hair are done, but I'm most emphatically
not
presentable just yet.
I hurry across the front of the great room, heading for the master bedroom. My new five-inch heels beat a staccato rhythm on the entryway tile. I've been wearing them during my morning routine to make sure they'll be comfortable enough for the office. Shorter heels would probably be smarter, but I favor the taller ones to bring me eye-to-eye with the men in my department. And at the moment, the heels are
all
I'm wearing.
I'm just pulling a pair of panties out of the drawer when the doorbell rings.
Damn
, he's
early
. In my professional opinion, when you're supposed to be somewhere at a stated time for a one-on-one appointment, being early is just as rude as being late.
My long, thick bathrobe is hanging on a hook just inside the bedroom door for just such emergencies. I slip into it and tie it off at the waist, then walk back to the front door and look through the peephole. Damn
again
, it's not who I was expecting; it's Wayne from next door. If every other visit he's paid me is any indication, he's going to get in my face about some minor infraction of the Homeowners Association covenants. Which one will it be this time?
While I like to complain about the HOA, I know I probably shouldn't. Andrew and I knew very well what the covenants were when we bought this homesite. And on the positive side, they make sure the residents are diligent about upkeep and not letting our places get messy. They make our upscale subdivision a more beautiful place, which I appreciate. I work hard to be a good neighbor, so no one has ever had a negative thing to say about my home or how I maintain it.
Except for Wayne.
He never bothered us when Andrew was here, but now that I'm by myself, I get the feeling that Wayne stares at my house day and night, looking for any excuse to come over and harass me.
I'd like to pretend I'm not home (and most days I'd have been at the office by now), but my car is still parked out in the driveway due to the death of my garage door opener, which won't be replaced until Monday. Sure enough, he rings again. I sigh and open the door a few inches, frowning.
Wayne's a big guy, maybe six foot five and four-hundred pounds. He must have been an imposing figure back in the day, but now, in his early forties, he's let himself go. He's less Hulk Hogan and more Homer Simpson, and if the HOA had any rules about regular bathing or wearing clean clothes while in public, I could nail him for some
major
infractions.
"What is it this time, Wayne?" I demand. I'm beyond trying to be polite with him. I know from experience that any such effort won't be reciprocated.
"Your hummingbird feeder," he says. "The covenants clearly state that bird feeders aren't allowed, due to the mess they make."
"It's not making a mess," I protest, "because there's only colorless sugar-water in it. There are no seeds or hulls involved." Then it occurs to me. "Hey, wait! How do you even
know
I have a hummingbird feeder? It's tucked into an alcove and can't be seen from any neighboring windows or backyards. As a matter of fact, the only way you can even see if from
my
yard is to come up on my back deck."
Wayne looks a bit nonplussed for a moment, but it doesn't last. "Doesn't matter how I know," he says defiantly. "I'm gonna have to report you."
And he will, too. I actually had to get a lawyer involved last time when he ratted me out for having four tomato plants growing in a corner of my front flower bed. I'd somehow missed the clause decreeing that vegetables could only be grown in the
back
yard. Hell, I'd been complimented on them by other neighbors.
"Okay Wayne, I'll take the feeder down," I sigh. "Just don't go to the board of directors about me again. I really don't need any more of that hassle."
"Sorry, I can't start covering up violations. It wouldn't be ethical."
Ethical? I slump, defeated. "Do what you think you have to do, Wayne. Just go away."
Normally he leaves right away once he's gotten his little victory, but this time he's staring at my bathrobe. It's only now that I notice the bulge in the front of his stained, one-size-too-small sweatpants. For a long moment, I almost get the feeling that he's not going to honor my request, but then he turns and plods across my lawn, heading back to his house.
I stare at the realty sign in his front yard.
Please God
, let that place sell fast and get the creep out of my life. I close and lock the door.
Now time is
really
tight. Bad enough I let Wayne see me in my bathrobe, but I
know
when the electrician is supposed to be here, so it would look bad if I wasn't fully dressed by then. I strip off my bathrobe as I walk back to my bedroom, but just as I hang it back on its hook, my phone rings. I retrieve it from the nightstand, then groan when I see who's calling.
"Happy Friday, Roger," I say with more enthusiasm than I feel.