It had been so long since I had seen you.
I had convinced myself I had moved on; gotten past the addiction that was you.
At first, I had lain awake, night after night, a hot ache between my legs, longing for you to be there, to feel your touch, to feel you possess me; but over time, the feelings faded to memories and I took a new lover, someone less exciting, but also less demanding. I convinced myself I was fine, I didnât need your particular brand of fun. How wrong I was.
She opened the door and felt her heart stop. There he stood in the sunlight, bathing over him as if he owned it, as if itâs only purpose was to show the world his beauty.
Her hand flew to her throat; her brain tried to make desperate sense of his being here; her stomach flipped and her crotch ached. Just like that. All this time, and all he had to do was stand there and she wanted him. She hated him, but God how she wanted him.
She had forgotten how desperate a hunger he fueled in her, how the flick of his eyes down the length of her body could make her nipples hard.
âYou look good Caraâ, he said with a half smile, that same lazy smile that used to warm her heart, the same smile that always made her feel like she was the only woman on the planet.
âWhat are you doing here?â she asked, instantly flustered. She suddenly wished she was better dressed, had on more make-up, or perhaps body armor, she wasnât sure which.
âArenât you glad to see me?â he asked, knowing damn well the effect he was having on her. God, she hated him, she hated herself for letting him do this to her, their whole relationship he had the power to turn her into jelly, the sexual chemistry between them had been so strong it had blocked out everything else. For months she had wandered in a daze of lust, ignoring her family, work, everything but when she would get her next fix of him. When he left, her world had stopped turning, she had lain on her bed, waiting to die, but eventually she realized her heart kept beating even though she didnât want it to, and days came and went, and eventually she decided to give herself a kick and get on with her life. She had thought she had succeeded, she had found someone else, someone less addictive and less challenging, someone manageable, who fitted into her life without causing so much as a ripple. She convinced herself she was happy.
Only now here he was, smiling at her, and her first thoughts were of his fingers slipping between her thighs, of his tongue circling her nipple, slowly, ever decreasing circles until he hit the tip, and sucked it into his mouthâŠâŠ..she was in trouble.
She fought her body, trying to calm her rapidly beating heart and find her voice.
âI asked what you were doing here.â She tried to sound dismissive, she didnât want him to know what he was doing to her, didnât want him to know the power he still held to control her every breath.
âIâve missed you too,â he said with sarcastic edge to his voice.
Then he regained his grin and said â I left a couple of music books here when I went, and now I really need them, you didnât burn them or anything did you?â he managed to look almost sheepish, disarming her anger instantly.
She wanted to say yes, she had burned them, she wanted to tell him to go to hell, yet she heard her mouth invite him into her home and say she would get them for him.
As he walked past her in the open doorway, his arm brushed her breast, lightly and in passing, but it was enough to make her knees weak. As she closed the door, then led him through to the living room, she tried to control her traitorous libido, she told herself she could do this, she could be calm and civilized until he left, and then she could have a damn good cry if need be; as long as she didnât make a total fool of herself just now.
âYouâve redecorated.â He said scanning her living room. When they had been together it had been warm African tones, now it was silver grey, with chrome finishing and light fittings, and reflective panels on the walls.
âIt needed a change.â She said. How could she explain to him that she had tried to change everything as much as she possibly could? That everything in her home had reminded her of him, driving her crazy every moment of every day?
âItâs nice,â he said politely, looking around âI wouldnât have thought it was your style, but actually its very nice.â
Not wanting to encourage small talk of interior design, she just thanked him politely, and went to move away to find his books.
âHave you christened it yet?â he asked, blowing all her intentions clean out of the water.
âPardon?â she gasped, not believing what she was hearing!
âWe christened every piece of furniture in the old roomâ he stated calmly â I just wondered if youâve fucked anyone on that sofa yetâ
As he asked the question, his eyes darkened, and she saw the lust there, the hunger she remembered so well. His eyes swept over to her new sofa, it was a large black leather couch.
She remembered itâs predecessor, he had bent her over the back of it to take her from behind as she came home from work, had lain her on it as he drove her crazy teasing her while they were supposedly watched a movie; had sat on it with his head thrown back as she had given him a blowjob. She had had to get rid of it, every time she looked at it she had seen him, longed for him.
âThatâs none of your businessâ she snapped, wishing he would leave, let her get back to her calm new life, wanting to forget the way she was feeling now, wanting him as if he had never left.
âOh, I think it isâ he stated, suddenly moving towards her, bringing his hand up and round her neck to stroke the soft skin at the base of her skull. He gazed into her eyes, now wide with fear and anguish, as he said âI still want you, every minute of every day, I want you.â
How she had longed for those words during the months following his abrupt departure, how she had dreamed of him returning, telling her he couldnât live without her. But things had changed, she was stronger now, she told herself, she didnât have to do this again.
âYou leftâ she said âYou made your bed, now you have to lie in itâ
She silently praised herself for being so strong, so independent, so tough.
His next words ripped right through it all.
âTalking of bedsâŠ..â he paused â I like that train of thoughtâ he said, grinning at her as if it was the most natural thing in the world to turn up here and expect her to be available.
She tried to think of a quick rejoinder, something to put him in his place and let him know he wasnât impressing her, but before she could move he pulled her forward roughly by the neck, and kissed her hard, pushing his tongue into her mouth with a force that took her breath away and made her knees weak.