Introspections

When her tears were finally spent she washed her face with a cool cloth and emerged from the bathroom determined not to let him get to her again. He was waiting outside the door the moment she emerged.

"Ready for a distraction?"

She glared at him. "Depends on what you have in mind."

"Well I was thinking along the lines of giving you an orgasm..."

He laughed knowingly at her vexed look, "...but if you're not up for that maybe a shopping trip would do?"

She stared at him in stunned disbelief.

"Shopping?"

"Yeah. Something along the line of a major spending spree at the mall on someone else's dime should provide a decent distraction, don't you think?"

She shook her head. "I've never been big on shopping malls. Plus, didn't you say you don't dare take me to town?"

"I'm not intending on going to town. The nearest shopping mall is 30 minutes beyond town. I highly doubt we need to worry about you being recognized and I'm no longer worried about you taking off. I know you're not naturally sociable but doesn't the thought of walking down a street with relatively normal appearing individuals have even the slightest appeal?"

She cocked her head as she considered his points. "Walmart is more my style you know."

He shook his head firmly. "No deal. It's the mall or the basement, take your pick."

She gritted her teeth before responding, "Fine, get your keys."

A short time later they were driving through a blissfully crisp snowy landscape on their way toward civilization.

"Now that I have a captive audience we can pick up where we left off. I'm not going to spend the next two and a half hours driving in silence."

She sighed and closed her eyes. "I should have known there was more to this than a shopping spree. Why don't you just turn on the radio? I don't feel like talking."

"Hannah, we need to talk this through. You can't deny what is going on between us. I'm beginning to think there are some things that are more important than revenge."

The girl clenched her fists and lay her cheek against the cold window. "James, don't. Please."

"Don't what? Don't tell you I am coming to care about you as a person and not just a coconspirator?"

"Don't put me in a position where I have to lie to you about how I feel to avoid being punished."

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I don't mean to put you in that predicament. You know I don't want to punish you, I just hate the fact that you consider yourself to be a wasted effort. I don't want you to lie, but I do want to help. I'm flying blind here. I'm not saying we should give up on bringing down the bastard, but what if what is between us is something more? Can you even entertain that possibility?"

The girl sighed in exasperation. "I've spent every minute of every day surviving for as long as I can remember. You are the one who pointed out that doesn't leave time or energy for loving myself, let alone bringing someone else into the equation. I can't do this James, I'm sorry. If we must talk can we please change the subject?"

Once again she left him bewildered. He didn't care much for the helplessness that accompanied that realization. He was naturally inclined to fix things and her obstinance rendered him practically useless. And yet that strong, bullheaded will was exactly what drew him to her. The cognitive dissonance was maddening.

"If you insist. How do you like the weather? Doesn't look like the snow is going to stop any time soon." The snow was falling lightly now, but was still consistently coming down.

"I'm not a big snow fan. One of the reasons I liked my little apartment in Arizona. Though I guess it could grow on me with a good book in front of the fireplace and a cup of cocoa."

"I've got the fireplace. If I take you to a bookstore and pick up a can of hot cocoa are you going to yell at me like you did when I bought you shampoo?" He felt like celebrating when the comment earned him a slight smile.

"Nope. Books and chocolate are always acceptable gifts."

The ice was broken and they soon were making casual conversation. It was a new experience for him and he realized they really hadn't spent time making small talk. He wondered if skipping vast aspects of a normal romantic relationship contributed to her apparently uncharacteristic strong emotional responses. He decided to do everything in his power to make this night as normal as possible for her. In many ways this night represented their first real date, though he wisely chose not to point that out to her.

Their chatting made the time pass quickly and they soon pulled in and parked in the lot of a large shopping center.

"Stay put, let me get the door." He moved to the passenger side of the vehicle and helped her out. She stood nervously, almost cringing as she observed several individuals walking through the crowded lot.

"I don't even know how long it's been..." The girl tapered off as if unsure how to finish her sentence and he reached for her hand comfortingly.

"Three months, two weeks and four days since your take. But whose counting. Come on, we'll take it slow."

He lead her into the building, directing her toward a bench where he sat in silence allowing her to people watch and to slowly acclimate to once again being surrounded by a crowd of strangers. When she seemed calmer he again took her by the hand and directed her through the crowd into a popular clothing store.

"We'll start with something simple. Why don't you pick out a few tops you like? Not that I don't like my clothes on you, but I'm sure they will have something here that's more your style."

She shook her head as if to clear it and began browsing a nearby rack. After slight hesitation she picked out several selections and held them up for his approval. She seemed drawn primarily to solid colors and simpler styles, which did not surprise him. After taking the tops from her he directed her to select a couple pair of pants, again she selected very conservative styles. They neared the women's dressing rooms and he was surprised to notice her nibbling her lower lip, a sure sign of discomfort.

"What has you nervous now?"

She looked at him almost shyly before responding. "Don't leave me okay?"

He stared at her in surprise. "Of course I'm not going to leave you! I promise, I will wait right here."

When she still seemed hesitant he reached into his pocket and withdrew his keys, holding them out to her. She looked at him perplexed.

"Take them. I'm not going anywhere without those. Now try your selections on. I'll be here waiting when you come out. I'm not letting you take off with my keys."

She gave him a half-hearted smile and grabbed the keys, retreating to the dressing room. When she emerged with a pile of acceptable clothing he took them from her helpfully.

"Good. Now for the harder selection. My choice this time."

She balked when he led her to section of the store dedicated to formal dresses, but he wasn't going to let her off the hook. This time he was the one perusing the racks while she held back. He selected a couple different styles of dresses, both ivory colored and much scantier than she would ever have selected, which was the point of him making this choice.

"Why do I need those?" She looked as if she was ready to dart out of the store.

"Trust me, you'll need a formal dress. One creep eyeing you hungrily is bad enough. When we finally get our in I'm not going to parade you through the crowd naked."

"Just almost naked," she grumbled but she obligingly followed him back to the dressing rooms, where he instructed her to show him each dress after trying it on.

When she emerged in the first gown he had to swallow a groan before commenting, "You look amazing."

She blushed and looked away, a response he found amusing. After a moment he prompted her to try on the other gown, which he found equally stunning.

"They both fit you well, which do you prefer?"

She turned to look at herself in a full length mirror, giving the matter earnest thought before answering. "The first one I think."

He nodded his head. "The first it is then. Go ahead and change sweetheart."

After she emerged in his shirt and her own skinny jeans he grinned at her. She somehow seemed much more at ease in her casual apparel.

"Anything else you need here? Or want, for that matter."

She shook her head and he walked toward the registers. He noticed her wincing as the total on the register increased and scolded her. "Don't think about cost, it's not an issue."

They left the store each holding a bag and headed for the food court. When he asked what she wanted to eat she stared back at him with a deer-in-the-headlights look.

"Breathe, you can do this. You've already made several choices today. If you'd been asked what you wanted to eat three months ago what would your first choice be?"

After nibbling her lip for over a full minute she gestured hesitantly to a Chinese restaurant. Not wanting to put her on the spot in front of another person he gave her plenty of time to look over the menu board and make a decision before he ordered for both of them. Food tray in hand he evaluated seating options, finally spying a small table conveniently located away from major traffic.

"Check in with me Hannah. How are you feeling?"

She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Dazed. Completely overwhelmed. I told you I don't like shopping malls but I didn't think it would be this difficult just being around other people."

He evaluated her with some concern. "There are a couple more stores I planned on visiting. Are you okay with that? I'm not going to push you further than you are ready to go."

She laughed and he looked at her in confusion. "You've told me that since day one, remember?"

He didn't, but he trusted her memory. Moving slowly had been his intent, but he honestly wasn't sure he had succeeded. The past few weeks had definitely been eventful. Finally he decided the best way to find out was to ask her straight out.

"Have I been pushing you too far, too fast? I didn't mean to."

She leaned back against her chair and thought over how to respond. Finally she gave up on trying to word things carefully and decided to take a risk and openly express her feelings.

"There's not an easy answer for that. I don't think I've ever been on such an emotional roller coaster. We've gone from complete strangers to where we are now...wherever that is. I've shared more with you than with literally anyone my entire life. Gone from barely being touched to sharing a bed. Experienced more sexually than I've ever dreamed about and I've had years of dreams to draw from. I never could have imagined being here, but I'm not sure I can imagine going back."

He reached for her hand. "Thank you Hannah. I've enjoyed our chit chat but your honesty is greatly appreciated. It means a lot to me. If you're up to it then let's hit a couple more stores and head home before it gets too dark."

She agreed but considered recanting when he led her to the next store on his list. Choosing a dress had been bad enough, but shopping for lingerie was significantly more intimidating, not to mention embarrassing.

"Tell me you're not serious."

He chuckled. "Never more serious. My definition of sexy does not include a button down dress shirt and jeans. We're after a couple underwear sets and maybe some nightwear. I won't force you to wear them but I'd love to have something to fantasize about. Do you want to choose this time or should I?"

"You're the one who's going to be doing the fantasizing. This is way out of the realms of my previous experience. Walmart does have perfectly functional bras you know."

He wasn't about to admit his experience wasn't much more impressive than hers. Faking confidence he marched her into the store and waved down a saleswoman. The girl shifted nervously from foot to foot as he explained what they were looking for and shot him an indignant look when he asked for assistance with sizing. He shrugged innocently and gestured for her to follow the clerk into a private dressing area to be properly fitted.

The woman didn't seem to be put off by her nervousness, chatting away cheerfully as she measured. It took Hannah a moment to realize she had missed a question and she had to ask her to repeat it. "Have you and your boyfriend been together for long?" the woman inquired.

Her jaw dropped and she stammered a reply. "He's not my...um, no. It's a fairly new relationship."

Thankfully the woman didn't pry further, simply writing her measurements on a card and offering to help further if additional assistance was required. Hannah vowed not to need further assistance.

Armed with her measurements she emerged from the dressing area. Together they considered the store's inventory. She held up a set whose panties were little more than a triangle of fabric held together with a few elastics and looked it over doubtfully. "Why is it the less fabric included the greater the price tag is?"

He grinned at her teasingly. "I think the price is based on how much skin is shown. Purely from the male viewpoint the more skin that is visible the greater the worth of the product. Shall we get that set? I'm sure they have it in your size." He ducked as she threw it at him and laughed jokingly as he picked it up off the floor.

"Well I guess if that's how you feel about it we'll pass. How about these?" He held up a couple more sets that were slightly less revealing and she agreed to them quickly, ready to make her escape. He stopped on their way to the front of the store to add a couple slips to the pile and she glared at him scornfully.

"I'm not modeling those for you. I'd rather stay naked."

He smirked. "I'd rather keep you naked, but I can't claim not to enjoy the thought of stripping you out of these in the basement before strapping you to the cross."

That statement got a rise out of her and she stomped out of the store as he paused to pay. He didn't stop her, glad to see her gaining a little independence. She was waiting only a few paces beyond the doorway when he came out of the store.

"One more stop here and then I need to grab a few groceries before we head back."

She followed him to the other side of the mall and this stop she didn't object to. In fact as they entered the bookstore her reaction was akin to a child entering a candy factory. She eagerly ran her fingers along the spines of a shelf full of books.

"Get whatever you want, don't hold back. You've earned it after putting up with me all day."

He didn't hurry her, allowing her ample time to browse as they jumped from new releases, to mysteries and then to romances. She picked out a couple titles and he took them from her, prompting her to pick out at least a couple more. Finally she settled on three more paperbacks and she left the store with a real smile on her face.

They headed back toward the car with their bags and he stopped, expectantly holding out his hand. It took her a moment to remember the keys were still in her possession. They drove down the street and stopped at a nearby grocery store.

"If you're brand specific on your cocoa you'd better come in with me."

She considered her options and decided she would enjoy a moment alone. "Can I stay here? Anything chocolate is fine."

He agreed, admonishing her to keep the doors locked until he returned.

It didn't take him long to pick up the groceries he needed. As stood in line waiting to pay he tossed a couple candy bars into the mix and evaluated the contents of his cart, eyes drifting from the three different types of cocoa to the bag of cat food. He contemplated how easy it had been to shift from a Kinley bachelorhood to sharing his living quarters with a woman and a cat. Somehow he thought no other girl would have motivated him to change his lifestyle more dramatically. Hannah had far exceeded the expectations he'd held when he had put his plan into place.

He loaded the groceries in the trunk and unlocked the driver side door, depositing a candy bar in her lap as he buckled his seatbelt. They talked for awhile before falling into companionable silence and eventually he did switch the radio on.

It was dusk now and though the snow had finally stopped the roads were still not completely clear, he was glad his SUV had four wheel drive. He was comfortable with the weather conditions but inclined to be more cautious with his precious passenger in the seat next to him. Unfortunately his caution was not enough. As a deer darted unexpectedly in front of them he swerved to miss it and the vehicle spun out of control, sliding off the road into a ditch.

His first concern was Hannah and he reached frantically for her, relieved when she assured him she was unhurt. He got out to examine their situation and swore loudly, there was no way they were getting back on the road without assistance.

He climbed back into his seat and reached for his phone. Coverage was spotty between the town and his place, but thankfully the display screen showed several bars. After placing a call to a friend in town he notified her of their status.

"My friend is on his way, but he is at least thirty minutes out. Are you okay sitting in back and sharing the blanket? I don't want to run the car for that long."

She agreed that would be the most prudent solution and he helped her out through the drivers side door as the passenger door was blocked with snow. As they stood together in the soft light he tilted her chin back and cupped her face in his hand to assess her wellbeing for himself.

Instinctually he moved his face closer to hers and gently bent to kiss her, softly grazing her lips. She gasped in surprise but made no attempt to pull away and the second kiss was far less hesitant. Finally he forced himself to draw back and met her gaze, prepared to apologize. Her eye contact didn't waver and he decided against it, instead helping her into the backseat where he drew her into his arms and pulled the blanket around them both.

"My friend knows you are staying with me but he doesn't know the circumstances and I intend to keep it that way. He's not one to pry so that shouldn't be a problem."

Though she settled comfortably in his arms she was quiet and he didn't push her to talk. After awhile she finally broke the silence. "Well that was unexpected."

He kept his tone carefully even as he replied, "The unexpected tends to happen when you don't overthink your urges. Believe me, I've thought about doing that for a long time."

"I can't say I haven't considered the possibility. I've gone way beyond sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Hell, up until you came along I haven't even held hands and today I couldn't do without it. I keep waiting to completely freak out and while I've come close a few times it hasn't lasted. I'm half way tempted to be angry, but I'm not."

"I'm glad. I don't mind your occasional temper tantrums but I'd hate to think I ruined the night for you."

Feigning anger she punched him in the arm. "I do not throw temper tantrums!"

He pinned her arms across her chest and drew her closer. "You, my dear, throw the most endearing tantrums I have ever seen. I will earnestly endeavor not to force affection on you, but now that I've had a taste it's going to be difficult to hold myself back."

They continued to banter back and forth until she couldn't hold back any more and burst out laughing, he soon joined her. If he had to be stranded in a ditch he couldn't have chosen better company. Their laughing fit was interrupted by a flash of headlights followed by a rapping on the window. He untangled himself from the blanket and opened the door, climbing out and talking with his friend for a moment before calling her to join them.

The man looked her over approvingly before extending a hand for her to shake.