Introspections

She woke drowsily the next morning and lounged around in bed awhile hoping to avoid him, but eventually she rose, entering the kitchen where she found him at the table reading.

"Good morning sleepyhead," he teased, motioning toward the bar where a bowl and a box of cereal sat. "I've eaten already."

She sat down and began eating, watching him with some suspicion. He moved to stand across from her as she ate. When she finished he began his inquisition again. "You said you had never been touched by a boy Hannah. Define never."

She glanced at him questionably, but decided this was considered a direct order and she was not willing to risk another punishment just yet. "I've never been romantically involved with anyone. A couple years ago there was a guy I'd dated a few times and he tried to put his arm around me. I freaked out and left. Never heard from him again after that."

He raised his eyebrows. "Hannah, when was the last time someone held you? Not sexually motivated, just for the sake of holding you?"

She looked away from him. "I don't remember."

"Give me an estimate. Five years? Ten?"

The girls shook her head. "I mean it, I don't remember. I suppose my parents held me when I was little, but they weren't exactly the most affectionate people around. I didn't care much for physical affection either, even when I was young."

He moved around the bar toward her, extending his arms. "May I? I promise sweetheart, I will only hold you. Nothing more, and I will stop whenever you want."

Her first instinct was to refuse outright, but she was curious. Closing her eyes, she slowly nodded her head. He gathered her in his arms, carrying her into the living room where he sat in a leather armchair, rocking her encouragingly. "You okay?" he asked, reassured when she nodded her head.

At first the tension was obvious, but after a few minutes she experimentally laid her head on his chest. He noticed her rapid breathing and after a few minutes felt her trembling. He almost released her then, before he realized she was quietly crying. He was in a quandary, should he put her down or continue holding her? He decided to wait it out and only to release her if she asked him to do so.

He found it rather overwhelming trying to guess at her thoughts. Granted she had cried when waking from the nightmare, but he knew she hadn't when spanked, or even whipped. Abruptly he realized he was viewing raw vulnerability, and he felt almost as though he had been given a gift of great value. He lost track of the time as they sat in silence, her tears finally tapering off.

"Hannah, tell me something. How far did they go trying to break you?" She stiffened noticeably in his arms.

"Please, don't make me," she begged desperately.

Blinking, he looked down at her, a thought occurring to him. "Okay, not yet. But one more question. You can give me a simple yes or no, but I need an answer. Before they took you were you ever sexually abused?"

She shook her head insistently, and he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. Somehow he sensed helping her recover from more recent events was more likely than helping her overcome trauma that had long since been buried. After a few moments she relaxed again, moving to sit up in his lap.

"You said you wouldn't punish me for asking questions."

He tilted his head, assessing her intent. "I won't punish you, but won't promise that I'll answer you either."

Softly she looked into his eyes. "Will you tell me about your sister?"

He stared at her expressionless. "You're not going to drop this are you?" She shook her head. "Even if I spank you again?" This time she shrugged, but didn't tense up.

He swallowed and ran his thumb across her cheek. Careful control of his emotions had long since been abandoned and while her request was more difficult than she realized he recognized this was as close as they could possibly come to a give and take relationship.

"You remind me of her. Not physically, but she was also annoyingly stubborn." She punched his arm teasingly and he laughed out loud.

"She was my baby sister. Four years younger, and my only sibling. She was a surprise, my parents didn't think they could have another child. A very pleasant surprise." Unconsciously he looked away from her, lost in the memories.

"They died when she was a senior in high school. Car accident, totally unexpected. She was all I had. I left college to come home and take care of her. She was angry, not that anyone could blame her. Got involved with the wrong crowd. Nothing I said was good enough. She died, just over a year ago. And no, I'm not going to tell you how, so drop it now. I mean it."

She made no effort to question him further, simply enjoying the moment. After awhile she quietly whispered, "I'm not your sister."

"I know that Hannah. Thank goodness. I've never had incestuous fantasies." She shifted her body uncomfortably, suddenly aware of the bulge in his pants pressing into her. He was rather surprised she didn't leap off his lap at the realization.

"We need to begin your training Hannah. You're ready. It's time." She stopped to examine her feelings, again confused by a strange, somewhat frightening combination of anticipation and dread. She went with the anticipation.

Unprompted she slid off his lap, kneeling before him with her hands lying palms upraised on her slightly spread thighs, eyes downcast. He drew in a surprised breath, but caught himself quickly and shifted into a dominant role. "Don't slouch."

The girl straightened her back, thrusting out her semi-naked breasts, then smiled up at him coyly. "I'm not as innocent as you think I am."

"I've noticed," he laughed. He stood and moved around her, disappearing into the master bedroom. She maintained her pose. He came back to her, carrying a notebook along with a teeshirt and pair of shorts.

"I'd like you to journal," he told her, placing the notebook on the coffee table.

"Why?" she inquired carefully. While she was feeling surprisingly comfortable in the moment she still wasn't sure she wanted to give him open access to her innermost thoughts and feelings.

"Because I think it would help," he said as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "I won't read it. Not without your permission."

Agreeing, she nodded her head and accepted the clothes he handed her, questioning him with her eyes. "I'm not about to do this while you're half naked. You are entirely too distracting." He turned his back, allowing her some semblance of privacy as she dressed.

When she was suitably covered they began, with him leading her through several different positions. She picked up on them quickly, moving through them without hesitation. He watched approvingly as she worked gracefully through each of them in turn. They spent the rest of the morning training. Eventually she began to tire noticeably.

"That's enough. Get some rest. Go find yourself another romance novel. Research, you know?" He grinned down at her teasingly, and she softly smiled back at him.

After he left her he stared blankly at his computer screen, stunned by her compliance and how quickly they were progressing. As for her, she chose not to over analyze her feelings. They were entirely too complicated to understand anyway.

She located another novel on the bookshelf, but somehow fiction wasn't as enthralling as her current reality. Recalling seeing some pens on the kitchen counter she located one, picked up the notebook and began to write.

He found her asleep, curled up on the couch, several hours later. He roused her, encouraging her to eat, and she spent the rest of the day near him, sitting with novel in hand as he worked at his computer in the master bedroom, then next to him on the couch after dinner while they watched a mindless movie neither one was really engaged in.

After the movie she showered and dressed in a gown as usual, but this time he met her at the bathroom door with a blanket, which he wrapped around her shoulders as he took her by the waist and urged her into the master bedroom. She stopped at the door and glanced sideways at him.

"Nothing happens that you don't want Hannah."

She grimaced. "What if that's what I'm afraid of?"

He laughed openly. "Okay sweetheart, nothing happens at all. I just hold you, that's it. Nothing more." He tucked her in under the covers, lay down on top of them and held her close, sleeping deeply for the first time in over a year.

She, on the other hand, did not sleep at all. When she was certain he was soundly asleep she crawled carefully out of the bed and watched him breathe for a moment then glanced to the nightstand where she'd seen a key ring earlier that day. It was still there. Slinking over to the nightstand she carefully palmed the ring and slipped out of the room.

Examining it in the safety of the hallway she was relieved to find it contained a remote key fob and a key she hoped was for a vehicle. She walked into the laundry room, eyeing the door she was confident lead to the garage and considering her options. Presuming he was telling the truth and the door was alarmed she knew she had only moments to figure out a plan when the door opened. Putting her hand on the doorknob she yanked the door open, frantically glancing around the garage as the alarm blared.

Spying the garage door opener mounted nearby she pushed it, slammed the door to the laundry room shut and dashed toward the SUV. Coming up with a plan on the spot she hit the fob and dove into the SUV, but not on the driver's side. He would be expecting that, and she didn't know which way to drive. Instead she bought herself some time by diving into the back seat and hitting the fob again, locking the door and ducking out of sight.

He came through the door just a moment later, barefoot and wrapped in his robe. Swearing, he rushed toward the open overhead door. Rain had melted much of the snow over the last two days, leaving muddy puddles along the unpaved road, so there was no sign of footprints. He knew she was barefoot and couldn't have gone far, so he went back into the house to grab some boots.

She figured she would wait a few minutes for him to take off looking for her, then drive in the opposite direction. What she didn't figure into her plan was a spare set of car keys.

She dove back to the floor as he unlocked the car door manually. He put the car into reverse and glanced over his shoulder. Unfortunately for her she wasn't down low enough.

Slamming the car into park, he turned it off. "Nice try. You had to know you wouldn't pull it off. Are you going to tell me why you decided now was the time to run?"

"I had to. I'm losing myself."

He drug her out of the back seat roughly. "I don't think you're afraid of loosing yourself. More likely afraid of finding yourself. Don't worry, I'll give you plenty of time to think it over. Downstairs, now."

No resistance was left, she followed him without objection. When he unlocked the basement door she moved toward the bedroom but he stopped her. "No, not there." Instead he led her into a small room. She stepped back and began shaking her head frantically. The room contained two cages, one similar to a dog kennel and the other tall and thin, with standing room only.

"You don't give me a choice. You know the routine. Strip. You won't freeze, this is the only room down here that gets any heat."

As if operating on autopilot she drew the gown over her head. He opened the door to the kennel and pointed. "In. Now. If I have to force you I promise it will be much worse, and you know I keep my promises."

Reluctantly she dropped to her knees and climbed backwards into the cage, then looked up at him warily. He pursed his lips as he glared back at her, locking the cage. "Damn it Hannah, you have no idea what you've done. You are going to think. I am going back to bed. When I decide you are ready we have a serious discussion. You stay here until we do." Turning his back on her he flipped off the light, leaving her in complete darkness.