I spent two days in the hospital, curled up and staring blindly at the wall. It was all really over, but I knew it could never really be over. Not so long as I remembered it. Manny stayed with me night and day, but I ignored him as much as I did everyone else who came in to see me.
Ben was the first to reach me. "Rhett. Please. You are everything that is good in this world, I need you! You are my best friend! I'm having girl issues and Danny is shit at advice! I need you to talk to me! I need you to meet her and tell me if she is shit or not? You know I can never tell, I have awful taste. You don't want a bitch sister in law, do you?"
I looked at him. "Is any part on her made of plastic?"
He smiled when I spoke, but his look turned confused. "Plastic?"
"Fake boobs, fake nose, fake lips?"
"Ummm... she had some breast work done... and I think some lipo and botox, but..."
"No."
"You haven't even met her!"
"What's her favorite book?"
"Well, she doesn't really read, but..."
"No."
He sighed in frustration and sat back. "Fine," he said after a few minutes and sat back up. He took hold of my hand in both of his and hugged it to his cheek.
I looked past Ben to Manny who was sitting by the window, watching me warily. I looked back to Ben. "Is Daddy here?"
"Him and mom went to grab a bite and feed your dog. He's been staying at their place. Dad kind of likes him, he keeps the reporters out of the yard."
I managed a smile. "I bet he does."
"Danny said he would be back tomorrow, he had to take the boys to tae kwon do."
"Yeah."
"You do have other company though. They are out in the waiting room so they don't crowd your room."
"Who?" I asked curiously.
Ben gave me a vague smile and looked over his shoulder at Manny. He answered quietly,"My parents, my sisters and brothers, their kids. Family you met the other day and at my house."
"Oh... they didn't have to come and stay all this time?"
"You are already their daughter and sister Mija," he said gently. "You are family. Of course they are here for you. Madre adores you and so does the rest of my family..."
Ben stood up. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee. You want anything bratface?" he asked.
"Coffee sounds amazing," I answered.
He left and Manny took his chair and took hold of my hand.
"Miha," he whispered. "I am sorry. I did not check under your bed? And I should have come back more quickly!"
"Don't," I said softly. "It's not your fault. I don't want to talk about it."
"Mija!"
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!" I screamed, then turned away and started crying again.
He half tackled me from behind as he laid behind me and pulled me against him. "It is a lot to move past Mija, but we will. You will. I will help you, but you have to let me help you!"
"Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!" I yelled, wrapping my arms around my ears.
"No Mija. No. We will get through this. You. Me. Your family. Your WHOLE family. We will..."
The nurse came hurrying in. "Is everything alright Margie?" she asked in false concern, barely masking her annoyance. "We heard yelling?"
"My FUCKING name is MARGARET. Or RHETT! I have heard my mother and brother and Manny correct you EIGHT times you condescending CUNT!" I screamed at her, furious.
She left, turning red.
"Mija," Manny scolded lightly. "She is..."
"I don't care what she is! I don't care! I want OUT of here! I want to go home and just... just... " I broke down crying again, going limp and completely giving up again.
The nurse came back with a doctor and she had a syringe for my IV like she was going to sedate me. The doctor looked me over as I lay there staring through everything. He spoke quietly to the nurse who scowled at me, but left without using the syringe. The doctor asked Manny to leave and I was left alone.
Half an hour later, a woman came in and sat down in front of me. "Hello Margaret. Do you prefer Rhett? Your brother says you do. I will call you Rhett. My name is Pamela. Pam is fine. Can you look at me Rhett?"
She sat talking at me for half an hour, but I never looked at her or acknowledged her. All I could think about was that my life would never be my own ever again. There would be doctors, nurses, Pamelas, journalists, bloggers, strangers who knew what happened and wanted to ask questions. Family. No one would ever let me forget what happened, no matter how hard I tried, they would all keep it right in front of me at all times, never stopping, never relenting.
I couldn't do that. I couldn't deal with that. I wanted to forget. I had to get away from the people who refused to let me forget.
It was an hour later when Pamela came back in with my mother. "...really think it would do her a lot of good, just for a few days," Pamela was saying. "She is trying to..."
"Mama?" I asked softly, interrupting the woman.
"Oh! My baby girl! Yes?" My mom asked, tears in her eyes and she clutched my hand.
"Can you take me home? Please? I just want to go home and sleep in my bed for a couple nights before I go and look for a new apartment."
"Miss Hjalman, I don't think that is a very..." Pamela began.