I joined the service at the hall when I was sixteen and I've been there two full years now and never once got into trouble. Well, not serious trouble. Everyone has those little problems but I had no more than anyone else. I was a good employee.
Then there came the day that my little brother was leaving home and going to Eton. I mean, Eton. He had a scholarship and his Lordship had told him he'd give him a guinea for every subject where he got honours or better. Since he was leaving for the first time and I wouldn't see him for months I had to go and see him off, now didn't I?
I explained this to Mrs Dobson, the housekeeper, and she agreed, providing I did my chores first. Well, I rushed through my chores, maybe taking a few shortcuts, but I got them done. With Mrs Dobson's approval I raced off home, with a stark reminder that I'd better be back by six or else.
I saw my brother off and was back at the hall by five thirty, nice and early. I was walking down the drive when I met Simpson, his Lordship's valet. Simpson didn't look happy and that meant two things. His Lordship was back from London and his Lordship was not happy. Simpson, damn him, looked up as I approached, smiled, and ran his hand across his neck in a throat-cutting gesture and pointed at me.
I looked at him, puzzled and nervous. "What?"
"As you may have guessed, his Lordship returned this afternoon. Jeevers and Mrs Dobson threw open the front doors to welcome him. The sub was behind his Lordship, shining straight along the length of the hallway."
A little voice whispered, "Oh my god, I am so dead."
"Shining in the sun you could see where the hallway had been washed, a nice clean stripe down the middle. A pity about the sides."
"Oh, lord. What did he say?"
"Nothing. Not a word. He just glanced down at the floor, looked at Jeevers and Mrs Dobson, then walked on in, looking rather thoughtful."
I was so dead. If Mrs Dobson didn't kill me, Jeevers would. Then they'd bury my bleeding corpse under an apple tree.
"Subsequently there was a rather loud argument between Jeevers and Mrs Dobson. Too loud, it turned out, as his Lordship heard them and came out. They shut up and he ordered you to be sent to him as soon as you arrive. He's in the library."
Oh, how nice. His Lordship had decided that he'd be the one to kill me. I guess he'd use Simpson to dispose of my bleeding corpse.
I sneaked through the back-door and into the kitchen. Everyone there took one look at me and found reasons to be looking elsewhere. Everyone except Mrs Dobson, that is. She looked at me and her face went red.
"I'm terribly sorry," I blurted out. I would have gone on to say more but she held up a hand to stop me.
"Not as sorry as you're going to be, I'm sure," she said, and she almost sounded sympathetic. "You're to go and see his Lordship. He's in the library."
"But why?" I said in a half wail. "I assumed that if you spotted the hall before I could fix it you'd punish me."
"And so I would have if Jeevers hadn't interfered. He felt that your poor work reflected on him and he wanted your head on a platter. You'd have been out on your ear without a reference if he'd had his way. We had a discussion about it. It was decided that his Lordship should decide what to do. You may still find yourself out on your ear without a reference."
I crept off to the library, a cloud of foreboding hanging around me. I was so dead. I knocked and I was so nervous I jumped when a voice told me to enter.
His Lordship was sitting in an easy chair in front of the fire, a chess set on a table in front of him. So to add to my sins I was interrupting his leisure time.
"Ah, you wanted to see me, sir," I mumbled.
"I did? Oh, you're Molly, aren't you? Yes, I did."
He looked me over with a smile on his face. I did not trust that smile. Not one little bit.
"You don't have to say anything," he told me. "Mrs Dobson told me why you wanted to leave early. She explained about your brother leaving and wanting to see him and seemed to think that explained, but did not excuse, your sloppy work.
If it had been left to her she would have dealt with you in her own inimitable way and that would have been the end of the matter. However, you severely embarrassed Jeevers and he wanted blood, yours. He and Mrs Dobson had a discussion about what was the right thing to do."
I blushed, remembering what Simpson had said about them arguing.
"Ah," said his Lordship, nodding. "You heard about that discussion."
I blushed even harder and he went on.
"I did think that seeing the imperturbable Jeevers lose his temper and start shouting made the whole thing worthwhile. I'll be able to hold that over his head for ages. Unfortunately, he's insisting on some sort of punishment. So is Mrs Dobson, for that matter, but there is a difference of opinion as to what is a fitting punishment. Hanging is certainly going a bit too far and I told Jeevers that. The trouble is I can't just hand the matter over to Mrs Dobson or Jeevers will feel slighted as I'd be over-ruling him and he is senior. Accordingly I have to stretch my poor mind to come up with something fitting."
"It doesn't have to be something fitting, Michael," said a laughing voice. "It just has to be something. I can think of a few things."
The interruption was so unexpected that I jumped, making a little squeak. I hadn't noticed the other person in the room, him having been lounging back in the other easy chair. Now he was sitting up and leaning forward slightly. I couldn't remember his name. Lord something or other, a friend of his Lordship.
"I'm sure you can, Roger," his Lordship opined, "but would I find your suggestions permissible?"
"Oh, they'd be permissible, but would you go along with them, that's the question."
His Lordship just looked at Roger, waiting for him to continue. Roger looked at me and twirled a finger in a circle.
"Turn around, Molly," he said. "All the way round."
Not knowing what else to do I turned around. All the way round until I was facing them again, feeling confused.