I never imagined myself being in this kind of situation. I'm a middle-aged married housewife and my life is pretty mundane. I live in a nice neighborhood, have a nice house and two children, and a happy marriage.
What happened last week changed my whole sense of safety and comfort.
I was humiliated via text message.
It was laundry day and I was putting some clothes in the dryer when my phone dinged that I had a message. I thought it might be my sister because we were going to lunch later. When I checked my phone I was shocked at what I saw. It was a picture of the bottom half of a man with no pants on. He was naked from the waist down and he had an incredibly long, heavy-looking penis. I looked at the number it was from and it wasn't someone in my contacts. I stared at the picture for a minute trying to wrap my head around what I as seeing. It wasn't even erect, but it was larger than any penis I'd ever seen. I was very flustered, but I managed to delete it assuming it was some kind of porn spam. There was no link to click or anything that normal spammers send, but I couldn't imagine why else this picture was sent to me. It must have been random.
I went back to the laundry when it dinged again. It was a video of the same man. Before I had a chance to delete it, I saw the sender was typing. This wasn't some kind of bot, sending text messages to a list of numbers. This was a real person sending these pictures and videos to me on purpose. I stared at those 3 dots waiting to see what was next and the message popped up, "Karen, watch that video and tell me what you see"
I felt a wave of fear run through me because he used my real name. I felt very nervous all of a sudden and didn't know what to do. I panicked and texted back "Who is this? How do you know my name?"
He sent back a picture of me walking to my car and the picture was recent. It was what I was wearing on Sunday when I went to my yoga class. My hands started trembling and I texted back "who is this??"
He didn't respond right away. I just stared at my phone waiting for a response but all he sent back was a repeat of what he said "watch that video and tell me what you see, Karen."
I looked out my window to see if anyone was watching me and I got very paranoid. My mind was racing and I decided to run to my front door to make sure it was locked. I checked the back door too and made sure my windows were closed. As I was checking the windows, another text dinged: "Karen, do what I told you. Watch the video and tell me what you see."
My hands were shaking but I wanted to see why he wanted me to watch it, so I scrolled up and clicked on the video. It was short, but it was just him sitting on a chair, massaging his erect penis. It was so large it didn't seem real to me. In the video he just said one sentence: "I know you love seeing this big cock, Karen. Tell me you love it or bad things will happen to you."
I almost dropped the phone. It was one thing to read my name in his text, but it was so much more personal to hear him say it. Especially because he said my name while he was stroking his erection. Anxiety attacks were nothing new to me and I could feel a heaviness in my chest all of a sudden. My mind felt flooded with adrenaline and my heart thumped loud enough for me to hear my pulse in my ears.
I immediately deleted the message and clumsily blocked the number. I tried to think of who it could be. Who would send this to me? I wondered if it was a neighbor, or maybe one of the repairmen we had in the house last month. There are very few men who would have my number. I went to my bedroom and closed the door and locked it. I was very nervous and kept checking out the window all morning. As the hours past, I thought maybe it was just a prank and tried to convince myself it wasn't a big deal.
But I kept thinking about that picture of me walking to my car in front of my house. In the picture I was wearing my usual clothes for the yoga class at the gym. I had my black leggings and a white tank top. I suddenly wished I had covered up more because I could see that my top was too low cut and my cleavage was showing. In the picture I was leaning over to scratch my knee and I realized you could practically see down my shirt. Whoever this was had been on my street, watching me without me knowing.
I have always been self-conscious about my chest size and never wore revealing clothing, but this was an all-female yoga class so I didn't give it a second thought. Now I wish I had worn a sweatshirt walking to the car so my breasts weren't on display.
I stayed in the house until my kids came back on the bus from summer day camp and waited for my husband. I debated telling him about it, but I decided not to worry him. Maybe it was just a prank by some pervert who searched for me online or something. Jim was a very supportive guy but he was also very laid back, unlike me. I was always panicking about something, according to him and I thought this was another situation where he would be sweet but also kind of dismissive.
When my husband came home, I finally felt safer and started to think I might have overreacted earlier. Jim didn't even need to talk me out of my panic this time; I could practically hear him explain to me that it was not a big deal and I was overreacting. I rationalized it and tried to put it out of my mind.
I tried to keep busy but part of me wanted to get some clue about who this guy was. I watched the video he sent a few more times and tried to pause it and look for clues. The first time I saw it, I was so stunned and it all happened so quickly I didn't really study it but maybe I missed something. I hoped I might see a picture on the wall in the background, or some work shirt with a name tag on it but there wasn't much to go on in what he sent. The angle and the framing of the video was clearly intended to highlight his penis and not much else. I must have watched it 20 times.
I work from home processing orders for my company and while I was watching the video over and over, I missed a few messages from coworkers. I tried to shake the image of that penis from my mind and focus on work. Every few minutes I would go back and check one more time hoping for some clue in his voice or something. Roseanne, one of the account managers from work, must have sensed I was not my usual self because I was taking a long time to reply to her questions. She asked if I was okay and I decided to leave my phone in the other room so the video wouldn't distract me. I told her I wasn't actually feeling well and she suggested I take a break and try laying down for a little while. I took her advice and went to the couch and laid down.
While I was laying there I noticed I was kind of tracing circles on my stomach with my fingers and my hand was sliding into the waistband of my shorts. I am not a very sexual person and my sex life with Jim is fine but what I would call vanilla. I rarely have sexual urges and even more rarely touch myself. I realized something about what happened earlier had aroused me but I convinced myself it was just a rush of nerves and excitement. I half started to touch myself inside my shorts, but quickly felt awkward being in the living room and went to take a shower. By the time I got into the shower, I felt weird about touching myself and decided the moment had passed. I stepped out and got dressed and finished my work day, thanking Roseanne for her advice. With my mind clear, the rest of my day went fairly smoothly.
But later that evening, while my husband was in the den doing some work, I heard a ding on my phone. It was a different number, but it was the same guy. He re-sent the video and he typed in all caps "THAT WAS DUMB, KAREN. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BLOCKED ME. YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR BEING DISOBEDIENT."
My jaw dropped. I saw the 3 dots again and waited to see what else he was going to say as my heart raced. "APOLOGIZE" was all he wrote.
I thought about running to my husband but this whole thing was so embarrassing I didn't want him to even know. I know it was stupid of me, but I felt scared and I just texted him back "I'm sorry..." It was probably a mistake to respond to him at all but I wasn't in my right mind.
He wrote back and said "good girl" then he texted again and told me to watch the video and tell him what I saw.
I clicked on the video and it was another one of him stroking his huge erection. I didn't want to encourage him at all, but I was afraid if I didn't respond he would get angry and do something bad like he threatened. I looked for clues again but it was fruitless just like before. I replayed it a few times and then I texted back "It's a video of a man masturbating"
He wrote back and said it was him, which I had already assumed but didn't say.
"Describe what you see in my hand, Karen."
I heard a small whimper leave my lips and I felt like I had lost control of the situation. I thought about what to say as i replayed the video again and I must have taken too long because he wrote back again in all caps "NOW"
I started sweating and almost hyperventilating. I was glad my kids were asleep, safe in bed, but I was also very afraid for myself even though I was home with my husband.
"I see your erection" I wrote back as the adrenaline rush flooded me again.
"Describe it, Karen. Don't make me tell you again."
I thought I would faint. My hands could barely hold the phone, but I decided to delete it and block this new number. I shouldn't be encouraging him in any way. This was all wrong and I knew better.