The prison loomed ahead. Its high concrete walls and razor sharp barbed wire had been a part of my life for the past six months, with another six to go. I'd been making the journey to see my husband Paul, who was serving twelve months for embezzlement, but I never brought our children with me.
Each visit felt like a step into a world I didn't understand, I didn't want to understand. It was a dark place full with cold stares and whispered threats. But today was different. Today, something felt eerie and dangerous, making my skin prickle with unease, particularly as I approached the gates.
I'd seen him before, the prison officer with the sharp eyes, eyes that lingered a little too long on my heavy chest when he examined my I.D. Officer McKay, his name badge read. He was tall, late thirties, with a lean build and a smile that always made me nervous.
After spending time with my husband, trying to appear strong for him, and ignore the stares and leers from nearby inmates, I gave him a hug, and a long kiss on the lips before being ordered to leave. Visiting time was over for another day. Six months to go, I reminded myself, counting down the days.
As I left the visiting room and made my way towards the gates of freedom or hell, depending what direction you were travelling in, Officer McKay pulled me aside, speaking in a low but deep, serious voice.
"It's Jemma, right?" he asked.
"Yes, you know it is," I muttered, intimidated by him standing over me. "You've checked my I.D enough times."
"We need to talk," he said, watching the other visitors leave the premises.
"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice shaking, fearing he was planning to search me for drugs he knew I didn't have on my person.
His gaze was intense, his smirk almost predatory as he continued to stand over me, trying to intimidate me further, I felt. "Your husband has a target on his back," he said nonchalantly. "A few inmates think he's snitching on them to the warden."
My stomach dropped. "But Paul wouldn't snitch," I replied, defending my husbands honour. "He knows snitches get stitches in prison."
"Maybe so," Officer McKay shrugged. "But when inmates think somebody is a rat... there's only ever going to be one outcome."
"Why are you telling me this? Have you told the warden?" I began to panic, looking back at the prison, getting ready to go back in.
Officer McKay smirked, his eyes roaming over my breasts filling the fabric of my tailored blouse, then down my pencil skirt, tights, and high heels, before staring into my panic stricken blue eyes.
"Your husband is ok for now. But these men are not patient, despite having years left on their sentences." Officer McKay paused, letting the threat to my husbands safety embed itself into my mind. "But you can help him."
"Me?" I frowned, perplexed. "How?"
"You're a sexy woman, Jemma," he grinned. "Men like sexy women like you, especially the men behind these walls."
My mind raced. This couldn't be happening, I thought, panicking inwardly. "What are you asking of me?" I murmured in fear.
Officer McKay's grin widened. "Be here on Saturday at midnight," he replied, triggering a surge of anxiety.
"I can't," I protested. "I have two young children to look after."
"Then I suggest you find a babysitter, Jemma, or your husband might just..."
"Ok! Ok!" I snapped. "I get it. I'll be here on Saturday at midnight."
"Good," he nodded. "Don't be a minute early or a minute late, and wear something nice... something sexy. Imagine you're going out on the town for a few drinks."
"And if I don't?" I gulped.
His expression hardened. "Your husbands safety is in your hands. It's a simple as that. I strongly advise you do it. Now, enjoy the rest of your day," he smiled arrogantly.
By the time I reached my car, my knees were weak and my mind was a whirlwind of fear and desperation. I couldn't let Paul get hurt. But the thought of what Officer McKay was asking me to do, what would happen to me if I turned up wearing something sexy, churned my stomach until I felt sick. As a line manager, I'd always been the one in control. I was cornered, trapped... damn powerless.
The nights leading up to Saturday, I barely slept. I experienced every negative emotion imaginable while going through the motions at work. My mind was constantly drifting to the thought of going back to the prison after dark. I knew I wouldn't get to see my husband, who's face haunted me. He'd always kept me and the children safe. I knew I couldn't let him down. But at what cost?
Saturday arrived, and with it, came a storm of more horrendous anxiety. The children were staying with my parents, leaving me alone inside the house, stood in front of my bedroom mirror, my reflection staring back at me with wide, uncertain eyes. I'd chosen a mid-thigh, black dress that hugged my curves and plunged enough to be daring.
My long, brown hair fell around my shoulders, silky smooth after a shower, and I'd applied makeup that belied the turmoil inside me. I looked every inch the confident woman I'd always been, but beneath the surface, I was hanging by a thread. I just had to keep thinking about my husbands safety.
The drive to the prison felt endless, each mile stretching my resolve thinner. When I arrived, I stepped out of my car and pulled a long, warm coat on. The area, including the prison, was dark and silent, foreboding. My hands trembled as I clutched the strap of my purse and walked towards the gates, inhaling deep breaths and then exhaling slowly, wishing I was anywhere but there.
Officer McKay was waiting for me. "Right on time," he said. "Follow me," he then urged, void of any decent human emotion.