I wake from sleep to find that I cannot move. Then I feel a pressure on my mouth; I try to scream, but the pressure only increases. Panicking, I take quick, shallow breaths through my nose and, as I become more fully awake, I realise that I cannot move because someone is sitting astride my thighs. One of their hands is holding my wrists together, above my head, and the other is clamped over my mouth. Instinctively, I try to struggle, to fight them off, but their grip on me is strong. I can move my lower legs slightly, but not enough to do anything useful. I have no idea what time it is, but it is too dark to see anything other than the shadowy figure of a well-built man looming over me. I briefly wonder if this is my master - he has a spare key, after all, and I did admit my rape fantasies to him a few months ago - but it is too dark to see any distinguishing features.
The hand moves off my mouth, but as I open my mouth to scream, I feel fabric being pushed into my mouth, secured with some sort of tape. Then I feel soft rope being wrapped around each wrist, my hands still held firmly in one of his large hands. I struggle again, trying to wriggle my hands free, but his grip is tight. Wriggling my legs only results in getting my foot tangled in the duvet that is still covering my body. He releases his grip on my hands, but only so that he can tie the rope to one of the convenient upright posts near the centre of the headboard. In vain, I tug at the ropes, but the knots hold firm. Before my eyes can adjust to the darkness, I feel a sleeping mask being placed on my eyes and hands grabbing roughly at my head to pull it away from the pillow so that the mask can be secured behind my head. Now I'm almost certain that this cannot be my master. He never blindfolds me, preferring to be able to see my reactions in my eyes. Surely if this was him fulfilling a fantasy, he would want to see this look of terror in my eyes?
From behind my blindfold, I sense a change in the light as the bedside lamp is turned on. Cold air hits my legs as the duvet is pulled off me. The bottom of my nightie is lifted and I whimper behind the makeshift gag as I feel cold metal being pressed against my stomach. Terrified, I remain as still as I can, hoping that my attacker does not intend to hurt me. I am relieved when I feel my nightie pulled upwards and the knife is moved from my stomach to cut the fabric. But then I feel the back of the knife sliding under the remnants of my top, between my breasts, until it rests gently against my neck. I hold my breath, knowing that my shallow breathing increases the movement of my chest, and the knife moves away from me again to cut downwards through the rest of the fabric and then through the straps of my nightie. As I hear the knife being placed on my bedside table, I draw a deep, panicked breath in through my nose. I am sure now that this is not my master. Whenever we play, he is quick to calm me when my vulnerability begins to tip into real fear. And, right now, I am genuinely terrified of what this man intends to do to me.
He is still sitting astride my thighs, and I feel his hands on my breasts, squeezing them firmly, digging his fingers in roughly, then rolling my nipples between his finger and thumb before pinching them hard, making me shriek in pain behind my gag. Then his teeth sink into the soft flesh of my breast until I let out another muffled scream.