I went through my duties the next morning as usual, but all the while I was tormented by the thought that I would have to return to his lordship in a few short hours. As I dusted her ladyshipâs empty room, the last duty I had before âattendingâ to his lordship, I wondered if the other servants knew of my fate. This questions was answered when I heard the housekeeperâs voice at the door.
âYouâd best be going to his lordship now, Mary.â
I didnât turn. I didnât need to. I already knew she knew. I continued dusting the vanity and said in what I hoped was a nonchalant voice, âAm I the first heâs asked for again?â
âYes, Mary, you are, and I donât like it one bit. Thereâs nothing I can do about it, though. So youâd best just do as youâre told and not make too much of a fuss. Now, you get on your way, and Iâll finish up here,â the housekeeper said matter-of-factly.
I reluctantly headed for the door, and I could sense there was something more she wished to say. I paused before leaving to give her a chance to have her say.
âMary, I know youâre a proud girl. I think thatâs why he chose you. But donât be too proud to ask for help if you need it. Iâve seen what he can do to a girl, and you may need bandages or salves before too long. Please, come to me, and Iâll help you as discreetly as I can.â
She returned to the dusting, and I closed the door. The hallway to his lordshipâs bedroom was much too short. I felt as though I were walking to my own hanging. I tried to tell myself that yesterday hadnât been so bad. He hadnât done anything so awful. I could handle the humiliation and even the pain. But even as I tried to reason with myself, I knew it was a losing battle. It wasnât just the humiliation, or just the pain, it was the combination. And I knew that yesterday had just been an introduction.
In my constrictive corset, my breath was labored as I knocked politely on his door. Again, there was no answer, so I entered after an appropriate interval.
This time I knew to check the shadows. He was not in the room. But I began to notice that there were some new pieces of furniture in the room. A long, low table sat in one corner of the room, while the opposite wall was taken up by two large slabs of wood in the shape of an X. Each point of the cross had a restraint on it. The cross was far from the window, but I could just make out something below the cross in the shadow of the room. I was just moving closer to examine it when I heard the door open behind me. I turned guiltily to face my tormentor.
âDo you see anything you like, Mary? I had some things added just for you.â
I stared at him in mute silence. Even though I hated him with a passion, some part of me still acknowledged his appeal. His long brown hair was down today, and it gave him an even more wild look. His piercing blue eyes were staring at me as if I were the main course.
âYou can only guess at the purpose of my new additions, canât you, Mary?â He seemed to like to address me by name.
âThatâs true, my lord,â I muttered quietly.
He quickly advanced on me, and grabbed me by the back of my hair, pulling my head back so that I had no choice but to look at him.
âI have taught you to speak clearly, slut. Donât make me regret the money Iâve spent on you. You will speak clearly and say what I tell you to say. Tell me that you understand,â he commanded.
âI understand, my lord.â I said as clearly as I could with my head held back.
âMuch better,â he growled and kissed me fiercely. I knew better than to fight his kiss now. I tried to let myself sink away into my thoughts, where I was safe.
He must have sensed the distance I was trying to create, because suddenly he slapped me full across the face.
âDo you think you can escape what I will do to you that easily? You may try, but I will always bring you back in the most unpleasant manner.â
He was still holding tightly on my hair, and he used it to guide me over to the wall bearing the cross. He turned me to face it, pushing my face up against the wall in between the planks. His voice came hot and heavy in my ear.
âYesterday was only the beginning, my little whore. Today we start the real fun.â He grabbed one arm and began to lash it about my head. I suddenly realized how vulnerable I would be lashed to this cross, and I began to struggle. I even managed to kick his ankle before he subdued me.
âYouâll pay for that, Mary. But for nowâŠâ and he slammed my other hand against the rough wood and restrained it as well.