Warning: This story contains nonconsensual sex.
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I was sitting at Starbucks with my best friend Susie. I was pouring my heart out to her.
"So you failed again," Susie said. "Venture capitalists are a dime a dozen. There will be more opportunities."
"It's so unfair," I said.
"Well, you know, it's a big decision. You're asking them to put up big bucks. You know it's not easy to convince these men to part with their money," Susie said.
"Yes, of course. I knew it would be hard. It's just that we have such a good idea, and I've assembled such a great team, and all we need is a chance. Some seed capital. It would make such a difference!"
Susie held my hand, trying to calm me. I was fighting off tears. "What happened with Mr. Severson?" she asked. "You had high hopes for him, I thought?"
"Yeah, I really thought we had a shot with him," I sniffed. "He understood the idea, its potential, and he liked my team. I was sure he was going to come through."
"But he didn't?"
"No."
"Why not, do you think?" Susie's tone was gentle, loving. She is a sweetheart of a friend.
"Me. I blew it. I ruined everything," I confessed.
"How so?" Susie asked.
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Judy's Story
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"Okay, you want the whole story?" I asked, getting angry as I thought about it. Susie could hear the anger in my voice. Anybody who heard me just then would have heard it. She simply nodded her head.
"We were on the verge of signing the papers. He had even brought a certified check. He had taken me out to that fancy Italian place, the one that costs a fortune. He had plied me with cocktails and wine, matching me sip for sip. I was pretty drunk. He was drunk too, but much less so."
"After dinner, we went to his room where the papers were. We sat on the couch as he spread them out. He told me he would be entrusting me with a lot of money, and to do so, he felt he should know me better."
"I told him we had been discussing this for months. I was sure he knew me well. I have no surprises. And he said, 'Yes, you still have one.' Then he kissed me. I was such an idiot I did not see it coming, and I did not know what to do, I was drunk, and well, I just kissed back."
"He meant the surprise you still had was how you were in bed?" Susie asked. I nodded.
"Apparently, my kissing him back gave him some sort of green light. He kept kissing me. He began to feel me up through my clothes. I began to get turned on: He's handsome you know, he's rich, and well it seemed to me that I could have done worse. But I just was not ready to go further sexually. Indeed, had I not been so drunk, it would not have gone this far! And if I had not been so drunk, I may not have revealed so easily how much I was enjoying it, at least up to that point. Shit, I had even moaned at one point. That was stupid. Stupid!"
"So, what did you do?" Susie asked.
"I pulled away from him, and flashed my engagement ring, and said I could not continue with this," I said.
"You're engaged?" Susie asked. "You've never mentioned it. And I thought we were good friends!"
"No," I said. "I'm not engaged. I don't even have a boyfriend. I simply had a cubic zirconium fake engagement ring made up just for these situations."
"Oh, I see. That's clever. Did that work?" Susie asked.
"Severson said, 'You're acting like one of those women victims in vampire movies who flashes a cross at a vampire. It does not work for them, either.' Next, he pushed me down on the couch and continued kissing me, telling me how he was looking forward to working with me, and emphasizing how much money was involved. I stupidly returned the kisses, they were so, so good. And I was seduced by the promise of so much money and my dream being realized. But nevertheless, I struggled against him to prevent it from going farther. Perhaps my struggles were too halfhearted? I just don't know," I said.
Susie interrupted, "I don't need to hear the rest, Judy. I get the picture."
"Yeah. It was my favorite dress, too, and he ripped it off me, ruining it. He pulled down my panties, and I screamed to the high heavens and kicked him in the balls," I said, crying as I said it.
"Good for you, Judy! I'm so proud of you," Susie said.
"No, you're not. He then hit me hard on the head, and he knocked me unconscious. When I woke, it was at least an hour later. I was naked on the couch, Mr. Severson was gone, and the papers we were to sign had left with him. The certified check was gone too, of course. And I had the mother of all headaches."
"Oh," Susie said.
"One more detail: I had been raped. Multiple times. That was obvious." I said.
Susie looked at me in shock.
"I was raped by Severson himself, of course, but also by another guy," I said.
"How do you know that?" Susie stupidly asked.
"Severson recorded the rapes. There was a machine with a big button, and Severson had written 'push this' under the button. So, I pushed it. It projected my rapes onto the wall. Even though I was unconscious I gave every sign of enjoying the sex. I even moaned," I said, feeling nauseated as I spoke.
"Then you have evidence of the rapes!" Susie exclaimed.
"Susie, this is Silicon Valley," I said. "The machine is in beta testing. As soon as the video of my humiliation finished, the video self-destructed. I've got nothing except the memory of the sight of me being fucked by two men while I'm drunk, naked, and unconscious. And I know you cannot ask, but you want to: Yes, I looked good. I looked sexy, hot, and like I'm a great lay, even when I'm unconscious!"
"Jesus. Will you go the police?" Judy asked. "I'll bet Severson has a copy. You could subpoena it, or something."
I laughed. When I heard myself laugh, what I heard was the laugh of a bitter woman. "Severson is as rich as Croesus, and I am a pathetic little venture capitalist with no track record. I accuse him, or anyone else, and nobody else will get near me with a ten-foot pole. And besides, I would lose, even if the police believed me, which they would not."
Susie just sat there. She knew I was right.
"Severson had been almost my last chance, too. This time I was fucked in every way. No money, just a fuck-up, figuratively and literally. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself. Hell, I'm wallowing in self-pity, but this is extreme. There's only one more chance, and he's worse than Severson."
"Who is he?" Susie naturally asked.
"He's called "The Knife." I saved him for last because I'm scared of him. Terrified, is a better description. But it does not matter; he's the only one left. I did not give sex to anyone except Severson. And I did not give sex to Severson: He took it. He took it in spades."
"I now know: The Equation is clear: No sex, no venture capital. Giving sex seems a necessary condition, at least in my case." I began to cry.
"Are you going to put out for The Knife?" Susie asked.
"God, I hope not. I'll just do a damn good job, and not let myself get drunk," I said.
"But what if it becomes clear that it's the only way?" Susie asked.
"Well, let's hope it does not come to that. And if it does, well, I just don't know. Giving away sex is always better than rape, right?"
"Oh, you poor girl," Susie said. "I'm glad I just run a small business. Although even I need a bank loan from time to time. And the loan officers are almost always men, and well, I guess it's not that different, you know?"
"What happened to you, Susie?" I asked, suddenly concerned.
"It's not interesting," Susie said, looking down at her cold coffee. Shame seemed to emanate from her pores.
"I'm interested. I'm your friend. Tell me, Susie," I said.
Susie said, "Not here." Suddenly I realized Starbucks had become crowded, and we did not really have any privacy. I wondered if people had heard me when I described my rape? I was horrified. But it was water under the bridge. Nothing I could do at this point.
It was 3 in the afternoon, so we went to a well-lit bar/cocktail lounge, and picked a table in a corner. We both ordered glasses of Chardonnay.
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Susie's Story