I'd made a big mistake. Somehow I thought that having a gay guy share my apartment me and become my roommate would be a smart idea. Danny seemed like a good bet when I first met him. He had a job, was well dressed, came up with all the right answers to my questions. My last roommate was a nightmare, a bitchy, treacherous cunt. She came on to my boyfriend and almost wrecked our relationship. So maybe that's why I was shying away from taking on another woman to share my place with me. And I couldn't really consider having a straight guy as a roommate; that would just make my boyfriend Rick a little too uptight. So I figured maybe a gay guy was just the thing, maybe that would work out.
But it didn't work out. After the first week, when he tried to make a good impression, Danny began to show his true self, his truly
selfish
self. He took no responsibility for anything. He was messy as hell, never paid his bills on time. And whenever I tried to bring up any of this, square things with him, he got really catty with me, acting rude, whining and sneering at me, treating me with nothing but contempt.
Danny was personally well-groomed, but otherwise he was a pig. He'd leave his shit all over the place and never lifted a finger to help out. He had himself a great appetite but you'd never see him even think about replenishing the fridge. All I knew was that he was beginning to
seriously
piss me off.
Soon it got even worse. He began playing his music at all volumes at all hours, acting even more rude and sullen to me, like he didn't give a fucking damn at all. Finally I reached my limit when, one morning, I woke up and went into the living room. Danny was taking a shower. But what I saw on the couch --
my
couch, one I had brought -- was a semen stain. I knew Danny jerked off a lot; he often didn't bother closing the door to his bedroom and more than once I could see and hear him in there, beating off. He didn't even have enough discretion and tact to close the door. But last night he obviously had decided to splatter his load all over my couch, leaving a big stain. There was a porn disc in the DVD player, and Danny had obviously done his thing right out there in the living room without the benefit of tissues or cleaning up. All this while I was out visiting my ailing mother in the hospital
I was furious and waited for him to finish showering and get dressed. Then I summoned him to the living room, pointing to the vivid stain.
"What is
that
?" I asked sharply and all he did was chuckle.
"What do you think?" he smirked.
"You know, if you're going to jerk off on the couch the least you can do is clean up after yourself," I told him.
"Yeah, right," he said smugly, ignoring what I said. God, he pissed me off. Though I had to admit he looked great standing there in shorts and a T-shirt, all tanned and beach-boy cute. Maybe that had been my weakness. Even though he was gay, I sort of liked the idea that I'd have this great looking guy for a roommate. Mistake.
Big
mistake.
"You eat
my
fuckin' food, you jerk off on
my
fuckin' couch, you act like a selfish asshole in
my
fuckin' house!"
"What's your problem?" he whined.
"It's not me who has the problem, it's
you
who has the problem!"
"Oh, go fuck off, Rachel," she said and just walked away from me, leaving me standing there dumbfounded and furious.
I had to do something about this, so I talked to Ed, the guy who managed my gym. I went to the gym four times I week so I saw Ed often and we'd sort of become friends. He was a real take-charge guy who took no nonsense from no one. And, believe me, in gyms you run into all sorts of jerks who demand this and complain about that, who violate one rule or another and often need to be told to shape up of they'll lose their membership. I'd watch Ed handle more than one such guy and girl and he always had the upper hand. The most arrogant corporate lawyer or yuppie money man would walk away with his tail between his legs after Ed had chewed them out and pointed out all the things they'd been doing wrong. It didn't surprise me at all when one day Ed told me he'd done a stint in the Marines. Plus, Ed was gay, like my roommate Danny.
So the next time I was in the gym I told Ed about all the problems I was having with my roommate. He shook his head disbelievingly, saying it was amazing how some guys could be such assholes, could take advantage of the niceness of others.
"If you want, Rachel, I'll go back to your place with you sometime when he's there and straighten the motherfucker out," he offered.
Now that was an offer I couldn't refuse. So later in the week, after I finished my workout and showered and knew Ed was done with his shift, he returned to my place with me. But heading out of the gym together Ed had us detour to a store a block away that I knew sold sex toys and stuff like that.
"Let's go and get something," Ed said, making me curious.
Inside, Ed led me to a shelf lined with dildos. He reached for a big, life-like dildo wrapped in clear plastic.
"Let's get this one," he said.
"What for?" I asked, more puzzled than ever.
"You'll see, Rachel," he said in a tone that suggested he had very definite plans.
"It's huge," I said, staring at the rubber cock. It' must've been nine inches long and thick.
"I've seen bigger," Ed said, his lips curling in a knowing smile, as he paid for the dildo and we headed out.
As I knew, Danny would be home. And there he was, stretched out on my couch, wearing a T-shirt, jeans and sneakers, the sneakers right up on the couch of course. I could never get Danny to take off his shoes when he stretched out on the couch. He was reading some dumb magazine and there was popcorn all over the place and a spill on my coffee table. Ed took one look, then looked over at me, and nodded. Right away he knew exactly what I was talking about.
He walked right over to Danny and without saying a word knocked the magazine out of his hands.
