The day the letter dropped onto the doormat and I caught a glimpse of my old school crest a flood of emotions and memories hit me. Bending down to pick it up I swept the hair from my face and let out a big sigh. Trudging back to the kitchen I put the envelope by the kettle as I started to make a coffee. I lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply as I tore open the cigarette and began to speed read through the letter.
My shoulders relaxed as I read. It was just an invitation, for ex-students to return to the school to talk to students about future career prospects. They wanted me to talk about how I set up my businesses alongside some other girls. As I got to the end of the letter my heart stopped. It was signed Mr Bernard, Headmaster. There was a note to respond via email to confirm attendance and final details. Was this it? Was it time for payback?
***
Almost 20 years earlier...
I slowly got up from my chair, the rusty metal legs grating sharply on the floor as I pushed it back. I remember looking at the door, the Secretary calling me to the Headmasters office immediately. I could feel my class mates staring at me, my friends laughing, the rest whispering.
All I could think was, 'Shit, I've been caught.'
Exhaling deeply I hunched my shoulders and moved towards the door edging past the decrepit, smug-faced old Secretary. She grinned a horrid yellow and black crooked smile at me and the evil glint in her eye confirmed my suspicions.
The school was built alongside a Convent, set in an affluent suburban part of North London, surrounded by fields and woodland. The nearest bus and trains were 20 mins walk in any direction so escape was probably pointless. Anyway, I'd have to come back eventually.
Gulping, I realised this time bending the truth and being a little bit charming wasn't going to get me out of this.
My parents would go ballistic. I might get thrown out just before my final exams. So stupid. I'd have to wait a whole year to re-take. I'd be 19 when I finally managed to escape, I'd miss the start of University....My train of thought was interrupted by Sister Marie stopping to enter her office.
"You're in for it this time girl." She cackled as she shuffled into her office, the whiff of decay turning my face.
Shaking my head, I continued down the gloomy hallway, where the part of the school built in the 70's joined the original building, built in the 1800's. The chequered parquet floor had seen better days, as had the carpets. Everything was panelled in a dark walnut type wood, which seemed to absorb what little light there was.
I realised my palms were sweating as I smoothed them down my skirt. Although incorrect uniform was the least of my worries I took out my earrings and hid them in my pocket. Halfway through making a half assed attempt to fix my tie and tuck my shirt in the heavy panelled door to the headmaster's office flew open and his ice-blue eyes locked with mine. As they pierced through me the world seemed to move into slow motion and I felt my mouth dry, my body freezing all but my eyes which had widened like a deer in headlights.
"Miss Jones, when I say you are to come to my office immediately, I mean immediately."
The words to my response were spinning in my head. I knew I had to try and act fine but I knew I'd gone too far this time. My mouth moved like a goldfish, no words coming out.
"I'm going to close this door and you. You are going to start this again Miss Jones, OK?"
"O-OK" I managed to stumble out.
The door slammed and I quickly pulled myself together. Fuck it. If I was going to get expelled I was going to do it with my head held high and without him seeing the satisfaction of me crying.
I wasn't a terrible student, I just had a natural rebellious streak. And was easily provoked. There were only 200 girls in the school so I'd spent a lot of time in this office.
I shook my head and pushed my shoulders back and knocked on the heavy door. I took a step back and listened for his response.
"Enter." Came the bark, muffled through the heavy door.
I turned the brass knob and pushed, striding into the room towards the desk I thought Mr Bernard was sitting at. I stopped as I realised he wasn't there surveying the grand room. He was by the immense bay windows that overlooked the gravel driveway that led to the teacher's car park. Warm sunlight filtered into the room highlighting the beautiful original features of the old building.
Mr Bernard was pulling heavy wooden shutters across the window, blocking out the light and instantly changing the atmosphere in the room.
Suddenly shadows were cast as the only light in the room came from the various antique lamps dotted about the place. I felt like my heart stopped in my chest as he stopped and turned to face me. Again I was frozen by his stare. Starting at my feet, he began to look me up and down. I suddenly became very conscious of my uniform. I could see him mentally checking off the many infringements of the school rules; starting with my black trainers. We weren't even allowed those for PE.
Moving up I could see him take in the over the knee white socks. Fine, except where my skirt should have ended.... Instead of the regulation knee length, mine finished just where my hands lung limp my side. Suddenly I felt very self-conscious of the 3 inches of firm, tanned thigh that separated the top of my socks from the bottom of my high-wasted, navy pleated skirt. I'd just about managed to tuck my shirt in earlier, however I wasn't wearing the blazer or jumper that we were supposed to wear at all times.
As he cast his eyes over my breasts I looked down. My bright red bra made me cringe, glaringly visible through the thin white summer shirt. The final violation was the tie. Done up loose and big, with the top two buttons of the shirt undone. I bit my lip. The silence in the gloomy room was becoming unbearable. I felt like I'd been sucked into some sort of horrible nightmare, till finally he spoke.
"It's bad this time, Miss Jones." He said looking straight through me in a deep calm quiet voice.
"I know I, I..." I stumbled.
"BE QUIET AND DO NOT SPEAK UNTIL SPOKEN TO!" Came his deafening roar of a reply
Returning to his calm demeanor I felt my abdominal muscles clench as he continued.
"I haven't called your parents yet..." A wave of relief flooded through me. "But.."
"Please..." I interjected.
"ENOUGH!" He barked, moving towards me faster than I could react, pushing me backwards. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes when something in the room changed. He seemed to shrink back from me and his voice returned to a deep purr.