We had a new guy move into our neighbourhood recently. The house he moved into was a bit run down, needing a few repairs and a paint job. Similarly, his garden needed a fair bit of work done on it. It's shameful how some people let their properties deteriorate. Still I don't suppose you can blame either the new owner or old Mrs Harrock. She died and the place just sat empty until this guy brought it.
I saw him a few times working on the place. He was steadily improving it but didn't seem in too much of a hurry. I have to admit I checked him out. Why wouldn't I? I was young and single and there was a new man in the area. Of course I was going to take a look.
The immediate drawback was age. I was barely twenty and this guy looked as though he was in his thirties. He also looked as though he was a bit of a tough. He was a big solid looking man, with muscles, not fat. Or as far as I could tell, anyway. I suppose you could call him reasonably good looking.
The trouble was he had short cropped blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Why was this a problem, you ask? The first time I saw him he was dressed all in black and had this wicked looking knife he was working with, doing something to the house. My immediate thought was that he looked like the handsome villain in old World War II movies. You know the sort of guy, the handsome SS officer who was all smiles and treachery. This made me want to giggle whenever I saw him, and you can't get serious about someone you're laughing at.
Anyway, I forgot about Mr SS and went on with my normal day to day activities. It turned out that I was strolling past his place one afternoon with Debbie and Michelle. Debbie pointed out that the man had done quite a bit of work on the house. Michelle agreed but pointed out that he hadn't touched the jungle yet. Nor had he done any painting.
"He's probably leaving the garden until he's finished the house," I observed, "but I haven't actually seen him doing any work on it lately."
"Neither have I," said Michelle. "Do you think he's just got sick of all the work he has to do and is leaving it for a while?"
I knew Michelle had scoped the man out and dismissed him as too old. Debbie had a steady and wasn't interested in changing. (Actually, Michelle had a steady, also, but that had never stopped her looking around.)
"You know," I said thoughtfully, "you could be right. Maybe he needs a little incentive."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, my brother has been painting his bike and he's been using spray pain. There are several cans in the garage with a bit of paint in them. Why don't we sneak over sometime and spray 'paint me' on the sides of the house. There'll be no real harm in it as he's going to have to do it sooner or later."
Michelle was all for the idea. Debbie dithered a bit, worried about what might happen if we were caught.
"It wouldn't matter," I told her. "He knows he's going to have to paint the house anyway. He'd look small and nasty if he stirred up trouble over it."
"Mean, maybe," drawled Michelle, "but have you seen the size of that guy. You couldn't make him look small."
At the end of the discussion Debbie agreed to go along with it. We decided that we'd do it late in the evening, preferably when he was out. It was OK to assume that we wouldn't really get in trouble if we were caught but that was no reason not to take precautions.
We met up late that evening. Night, really, as it was nearly ten.
"The lights are all off," I said, "so he's either not in or has already gone to bed which is a stroke of luck. We'll split up, each taking one side. Just spray paint it fast and we'll get out of here."
I gave the girls a spray can each and I darted down one side of the house. Michelle was already starting on the front and Debbie nipped around the far side.
I barely had time to spray the P when I heard a man's voice and a small shriek from Michelle. God, no. Busted, just like that? It wasn't fair.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are," called Mr SS, laughing. "I have your friend."
If he wasn't laughing he definitely sounded amused.
I hesitantly stuck my head around the corner. He was standing in front of the steps, his hand on Michelle's shoulder. I could see Debbie looking around the other side of the house. I shrugged. I couldn't let Michelle take all the blame. I came forward and Debbie followed my example.
"My, my," came the sarcastic comment, "it's the three Bimbettes, Bashful, Snoopy and Giggly."
Bimbettes? Who in hell were the Bimbettes? I found them later. Three idiot girls in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. I had a nasty feeling just who he was referring to as Giggly.
"Well, ladies, why don't we just step inside for a few moments and have a little chat?"
Reluctantly we followed him into the house. No choice really, he was still holding onto Michelle. We went in and he turned on the light and my first thought was, 'Wow."
I'd been in the house before, when old Mrs Harrock was alive. I used to drop in every so often to make sure she still was. I was lucky as she always was. I'd have hated to find a dead body. She finished up dropping dead at the local McDonalds which must have disconcerted them somewhat.
The inside of the house had been like old Mrs Harrock. Old and deteriorating. Now it was showing signs of life. The floors gleamed with polish. Old plaster had been patched up and repainted. All sorts of small improvements had been done. That explained why he hadn't got around to painting the outside just yet. He was working on the inside.
"Now do you three idiots care to tell me what you think you were up to?"
Michelle and Debbie both turned and looked at me. Obviously they thought that as it was my idea it was up to me to explain.
"Um, we were just going to write paint me on the sides of the house to encourage you to get on with it," I said, feeling every bit the idiot he thought me.
"Really?" he said. "Did you consider the damage that might do?"
Who was he kidding?
"You were going to have to paint anyway," I pointed out. "It wouldn't really make any difference."
"Except this," he said, pulling Michelle's spray can out of his pocket "is an oil-based paint. It will soak through into the wood. Instead of just cleaning the walls and repainting I'll have to sand the graffiti away and put a sealant over the area to stop the oil base from coming through the new paint."
Uh-oh. I hadn't even considered that there might be different types of paint. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, paint is paint.
The three of us were looking guiltily at each other, blushing. At least, they hadn't known either. Small consolation.
"So, the situation as I see it is that I have the three Bimbettes here, all of them guilty of trespass, graffiti and vandalism. I assume that you are not too eager for me to call the police?"
As one, we shook out heads.
"Um, it's not really trespass," I ventured. "We did remain on the paths. And we didn't really get a chance to do the graffiti, so it's not really vandalism." (I glossed over the letter P that I'd painted. It was only one letter, after all.)
"Ah, I see. So you won't mind if I call the cops."
"No," squeaked Debbie, looking horrified. "Just shut-up, Sandra."
"So, it's Bashful, Snoopy and Sandra," came the dry comment.