We were here for more than one hour, like every Thursday nights, the same exact table. Eating delicious meals from that famous gourmet restaurant, drinking intoxicating beverages and talking...
This may sound pleasant, but Matt, my boyfriend for 5 years and future husband is speaking endlessly, listening himself talking about politics, society, science, his work and people at his work, especially those stupid colleagues. Speaking loudly so anyone nearby will know everything about his life and his beliefs.
Initially, this self-confidence impressed me, I used to drink his words and follow his ideas. I quickly understood that his needs to be admired and worshiped were an ally to keep access to this beautiful body of his and his comfortable wealth. He has trained his body since he was a teenager and developed an impressive living anatomical board. Feeling like his little princess between this muscular arms of that strong knight have always made me melting, but the counterpart of that is to support his omnipresent arrogance.
A simple nod of head, a 'yes' or 'sure' or even a 'humm humm' is usually enough to start again the speaking engine for at least 10 minutes. I have become an expert in fainting listening. He even says he admires in me that ability to 'listen and understand things', 'the proof I was smart, FINALLY'. Yes he really said that once, "finally." I had to feel honored I guess!!!
I think that's then that I understood he didn't really care about me, his only concern being him, and my presence around him being only an ornament for his selfish person. Sex was great. I loved him using me for his pleasure and felt honored when he filled me with his copious loads in my mouth or belly, depending of his mood. Sure, he fucks my body like a champion, but he has no clue how to fuck my mind and if I hadn't managed my orgasms by myself, I wouldn't have had any for years. Time passing and routine setting in, I slowly opened my eyes and my love faded. Now I'm expert in ignoring him without him even noticing, like tonight.
Watching around, I used to watch and spy people. This couple on the right with that man trying to make conversation when his lady was locked on her phone. I felt so sorry for him : she looked so cold and ignoring him, just answering roughly when he tried to make her notice that she could leave her phone.
On the other side two business men, in town for a seminary. they talk with Matt who is too happy to share with them his knowledge of truths.
At the table behind Matt there was an old man with white hairs eating with two other people. He looked regularly in my direction. Not me, but the mirror behind me. He looked nervous and focused. A grey eyes gaze strong and confident. The kind of self-confidence that comes with experience and knowledge and not with arrogance and conceited.
I guess my daddy would look like him is he didn't left us when I was 8. Mummy says he was so in love and protective with both of us. But that was not enough to stop the truck that hit a stop and crashed in daddy's car.
We lived together alone for years being very close and fusional in a very prude and conservative way : "in the respect of daddy's values." She had me at 18 and look younger than she is, so I was more and more looking like her and she soon became more my big sister than my mother, sharing confidences about her love stories and mines. When I was 15, she finally married a new man, much older than her. Mother often laughed saying he was our daddy, and we both called him daddy. He was always pleasant and respectful but he had always the last word, and when he decided something, it was decided for all of us.