Nathan:
"Come on in," Matt says holding the door to his dorm room open.
It had been a short silent walk over to his room. Neither of us had anything to say. Matt didn't touch me the whole way there but he walked very close to me, next to and just slightly behind me. I step inside nervously. Matt didn't have to drag me to his room. i entered of my own accord. Matt had caught me cheating on today's Economics exam and I needed to keep him quiet. Matt is currently blackmailing me for sex, I have to see if I can convince him otherwise.
I stand in Matt's spacious dorm room. Was is another hall than I was, due to him being a part of our schools basketball team, this also left Matt without a roommate and so got his allotted room all to himself. I drop my back-pack next to the door and stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do with myself. Matt's cousin who was supposed to be tutoring him was not due here for almost a half hour.
I hadn't noticed that Matt had already entered his room and was currently sitting on his futon. "What are you doing Nathan, come and sit down," Matt says patting the seat next to him. Matt has an actual bed in the room also, but the futon is facing the large television Matt has set up in his room.
I look down at my shoes, they are cheap black knock off converse, and on the toe of my right shoe I can see what is unmistakably cum. Whether it is mine or Matt's doesn't really matter, I feel my shame return full force. Matt took my virginity, just this afternoon. I let a man fuck me and make me cum.
With my eyes still directed towards the floor I shuffle over to where Matt is sitting. I hurts to walk. Every step I take causes a sharp flash of pain to shoot up my spine, and my legs are very weak. I never knew that having sex was such a work out. I gingerly take a seat on the futon, as far from Matt as I can get.
Chuckling Matt seizes my wrist yanking me close to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. Now that we are alone again, Matt has reverted to his cheery happy self.
I wince at the sudden movement. I can't help it. "Nathan are you alright?" Matt asks, concerned about my well being for the very first time. I didn't know he could be considerate of other people.
Shaking my head I murmur "I'm sore," and under my breath, "Not like you care."
"Oh... yeah sorry about that. It was my first time with a guy, sorry if I was too rough. Next time let me know how to do it correctly okay," Matt says giving me a squeeze.
"What do you mean, next time let you know?" I ask aghast. I had thought that Matt was straight based on the rumors I had heard about him fucking tons of girls. So what was he doing with me. "I had never done anything like that before. I told you I'm not gay," I say trying to shrug the arm on my shoulders off.
"No, I know, I heard you. I was just wondering how the girls you've been with have got you off. I mean they were probably a lot more gentle than I was," Matt says pulling me even closer to him, so that my body is pressed right up against his. My head barely reaching his shoulder.
I turn my face away from him. I can't say it. Try as I might I can't stop my face from flushing bright red.
"Nathan, you have been with a girl right? Do you have a girlfriend now?" Matt asks. He sounds nervous, maybe excited, I don't care, I just want to dig myself into a hole and die. "Was I your first Nathan?" Matt asks quietly.
Shame, and humiliation has my eyes burning with tears. Yet another thing to emasculate me. Not only did I lose my virginity to a guy but I'm also crying about it.
"Yeah, so what?" I spit at him, finally succeeding in jerk myself out of his grasp. I walk over to his bed, I can't make myself sit on it so instead I drop to the carpeted floor in front of it, resting my back against it. Scrubbing my eyes. I look up at him.
"Matt, what exactly do you want from me? I know you're not gay, you can get any girl at this school if you wanted, so why do you want to fuck me?" I look him in the eyes, and for once it's Matt that's having a hard time meeting my eyes. His face is a little pink. He doesn't say anything for a long time. I wait, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my cheek on them. I relax, it's warm in Matt's room. All the exhaustion I had been feeling comes back to me in a rush. I feel my eyes get heavy, and the tension in my muscles loosen. I glance blearily up at Matt he is still refusing to look at me, so I lean over curling up on the floor, and before I can consider exactly where I am, or what I'm doing I drift into blissful unconsciousness.
Matt:
Nathan caught my eye the very first day of Economics. Nathan had arrived a little late, rushing in just before the professor had entered the lecture hall. My eyes were immediately drawn to him. He was like no one I had ever seen before. He looked almost elfen, with wildly curly dark hair, slim heart shaped face, with huge dark eyes. His skin has this lustre, that gives his a supernature air. I couldn't help noticing how vulnerable he looked. He was short for a guy, and slim, very skinny, with spindly, twiggy arms and legs. But it wasn't just that. Nathan carried himself as if he expected to be kicked at any moment. But there was an almost alluring innocence in his large eyes. I was captivated, and wanted him.
But I was afraid of scaring him off. I thought I would run into him at a party, or see him somewhere outside of school, where I get to know him, but the only place I ever saw him was in Econ, and sometimes in the library. I never saw him with anyone else, he hurried from one place to another, alone with his head down. It was almost as if he had no friends.
As time passed I noticed myself thinking more and more about Nathan. His large chocolate brown eyes, the smooth creaminess of his pale skin, and the silken feel of his hair, which I had brushed while he was walking by. I spent a lot of my free time watching Nathan. And before I knew it I was lusting after his slim body. I had never been attracted to a boy before, but there was just something about Nathan that did it for me.
When I heard that he was having trouble in econ, I decided to make my move. I just needed him to notice me, I wanted to be a part of his world. So I tricked him into cheating. Blackmailing him into having sex with me was just an after thought. At first I had only wanted to look at him. I wanted to drill into my head that he was a man, and that I was not attracted to men, that because I had never seen Nathan naked that I couldn't be repulsed by him. But watching him play with himself had driven me over the edge. I had to have him. I had to feel his hot mouth on me. Watch his pink lips seal around my cock.
It wasn't enough, and I went too far. But I still want more. I don't think I've ever felt anything as perfect as his ass clenching around my cock. He was so soft and tight, I couldn't have imagined anything better.
I was sitting in the warm afterglow of the best orgasm of my life when I looked over at Nathan, and saw how broken he was. I had never seen such anguish and despair on someone's face. I felt dirty after that. I was disgusted with myself. I knew I should have let Nathan go. I should have left him alone. I was never going to tell the school anyways. Before I slept with Nathan I could have gone back to just watching him from a far. But now I can't imagine a life not touching him. And I don't know how to fix what I have done.
It hadn't occurred to me that Nathan was a virgin. I mean his actions were so innocent, but I thought that was just because it was with someone he didn't know. I don't know one guy our age who is a real virgin. That thrilled me at first. I had been the only person ever to feel Nathan, but it had been painful and humiliating for him. I was still reeling from this fact when Nathan pulled away and asked me the question that I could not answer.
What did I want from Nathan? Sex, now, of course, but that wasn't quite it. I wanted Nathan to be happy. I wanted him to smile. I wanted to get to know him. I wasn't gay, but I still wanted him. I would probably only ever do this kind of thing with Nathan.
I pondered, and Nathan let me. He hadn't demanded an answer, but asked out of true curiosity. He was also letting me think it through without pestering me or breaking my train of thought. I was still very deep in thought, I don't know how long we sat like that when I heard a very faint, yet familiar sound. Snapping out of my reverie I looked around trying to place it.
I forgot about pinpointing the sound when I noticed that Nathan was not sitting in front of my bed any longer. I was both alarmed and furious that he had left. The sound was getting louder. It reminded me of the heavy breathing I associated with exhausted sleep. I glanced back at my bed and noticed Nathan's shock of curly black hair poking out from under my bed spread. Nathan had fallen asleep and rolled underneath my bed. His soft rhythmic breathing sounded so cute. Thinking back on our encounter today. Nathan had looked much more tired than normal. He must been getting very little if any sleep.
A fresh wave of guilt washes over me, and I walk over and crouch next to my bed. I reach underneath the bed spread and roll Nathan back out. I had never seen his face so relaxed before. He is even more cute than normal. I feel my heart swell with an unfamiliar feeling that I can't place. I shake my head and pull Nathan out from under my bed. I pull back the blankets on my bed, lift Nathan up and place him on the bed, removing his shoes, and then slipping him underneath the covers, making sure to tuck him in snugly. I walk over and place Nathan's small shoes next to his bag, and then walk back over to Nathan, taking a chance to actually look at him. Nathan has big eyes, and long, long eyelashes. He has long dark eyebrows, that tilt up slightly giving him an almost quizzical look. His lips are full and the palest shade of pink. His cheeks are hollow giving him a haunting look. His cheeks used to be fuller, giving him an almost angelic look, but not anymore. When I lifted his shirt up I couldn't see any muscle, let alone fat. I could see every one of his ribs, and even his hip bones. I knew he had not been that skinny at the beginning of the semester. It was just another one of the things that I didn't know about him.
