[This story is based on real life, with artistic licence over some of the details. The events were recounted to me by the woman concerned. Eleven years later, she experiences a mixture of revulsion, hatred and pride in what happened to her.]
Alicia's important "event" happened on an evening in November when she was at a girlfriend's flat-warming party on a Friday night, in a comfortable district of South West London. She was just 18 and had finished with her boyfriend about six months before.
She admitted to herself afterwards that she was definitely looking for another boyfriend or else a lot of sexual experiences if they came her way. Maybe she have made it too obvious on that night. Looking back now, she can see that her skirt was too short and tight and her shirt was too open. She had on thigh-high laced-up shiny boots with high heels. Somebody said she looked tarty but she thought that was just jealousy.
A nice young man started talking to her and she was flattered - he was really good looking and seemed interested in her. They got a bit personal and asked each other if they were virgins.
They both said "No," and he said "That's good."
She didn't know what that meant and he wandered off before she could ask him why it was good. She didn't see him again after that so she doesn't know if he was part of the plan to get her with his friends. But she thinks now he must have been.
At the party, they all drank and she was sick at about 11.00. She got to the bathroom in time. Everyone thought that was a sign of great success to throw up and then come back to the party. They patted her on the back and a couple of girls cuddled her to show their approval. Silly isn't it? She had another couple of drinks and got confused and then sleepy so she fell asleep on her friend's bed. She was surrounded by everyone's coats and scarves and things but she didn't notice. At one point she remember being lifted to one side so that some coats could be taken and then left to sleep some more. Then she was lifted completely off the bed and remembers thinking how strong this man was. He carried her like a baby with her head on his shoulder. She was not really aware of what was happening and found herself lying on a different bed in a very warm room and she thought one of the girls was taking her boots off. She thought "How kind, to make me comfortable," and then fell back asleep. The bed and the room were nice and warm and she thought about getting completely undressed. She reached down to her skirt and started to move the zip at the side. A pair of hands helped her and somehow it came off without her having to do anything. Her eyes were closed all this time and she was feeling warm and comfortable. Under the skirt she had on a really tight pair of black Lycra pants and she remembers wondering what the girl would think about them.
Some time later, she was aware of more hands on her. On her skin, so she knew that she had no clothes on and was still thinking how kind these girls were to make her comfortable. She wondered how they got her tight pants off her because she struggled to put them on. But the sleep took over again and she drifted away, but was aware of moving around on the bed and being held and someone kissing her face.
A gentle American voice whispered to her "Can I make love to you?"
She said "Yes."
Then he asked the same question in an even quieter whisper and she said "Yes" again. He asked her again and it kept happening until she lost track of the number of times she said "Yes" to him. Then she fell properly asleep again.
The next time she woke up a little, she was lying on her front on top of a man and her arms and legs were being held out; wide apart. She didn't understand what was happening so she snuggled her head onto his shoulder and relaxed. Someone must have lubricated her because the next thing she knew he was inside her and moving slowly and she was spread-eagled on top of him with his friends holding her in place. The thought that came to her was "I'm spread out like a frog." He was holding her buttocks and pushing slowly into her deeper and deeper, so he must have just started. She tried to lift her head and say "No" but a hand pushed her head back down and held her face against the shoulder where it had been. She couldn't move at all then, and he was moving more quickly. After a minute he made a soft sound like "Aaah" and stopped moving and she knew that he had come inside her. He was very gentle and kept stroking her back and waist and hips. He said she was beautiful and that she would give a lot pleasure and she should be relaxed.
During the rest of the night this man kept being gentle with her and protected her on some occasions, she felt. She still thinks of him as the nice man although he was the first to take her. He spoke with the soft American accent and he was quiet and gentle. She nestled herself down onto his chest and let her legs drape across his, wide open.
He spoke to someone else, "She feels good. Nice and tight. We'll loosen her up some, I guess."
Before she could do or say anything she was lifted off him by her arms and legs and another boy slid in under her and the same thing happened, except this man was not so gentle and went at her a bit roughly.
By now she was waking up and thinking "This can't be happening to me -- it's a bad dream."
There was lots of lubrication on her and someone kept renewing it so there was no discomfort or strain.
She thought, "This is too easy. What's wrong with me? Why aren't I shouting and crying? I'm being gang raped."
She couldn't answer herself and the men kept on moving her around. She was placed on her back and someone did a missionary on her -- very simple push and pull until he finished. Her eyes were still closed tight and she thought at the time "That wasn't very sexy -- why did you bother?" When she told this to the counsellor later, he wrote a note that said "Client not distressed by experience."
She was getting more awake by this time and suddenly realized something so she said "Please don't make me pregnant."
