"What the fuck do you mean you're still a virgin?" demanded Mandy.
"Keep it down," I snarled at her with a glare. "I just am, alright, and it's rather frustrating."
"But how is that possible? I know for a start that you dated Brad for a while and everyone knows what he's like."
"Including my father who put the fear of god and castration into him. He didn't dare do anything that might get him neutered. Why do you think he dropped me so fast?"
"What about Michael? You were going out with him for weeks."
"The idiot was going through a religious stage and insisted on celibacy. He dumped me because I came on too strong and he thought I was a loose woman."
"Johnny? I know you accepted a date with him."
"That idiot Michael saw us going out and warned Johnny that I was a loose woman and had VD. Exit Johnny. He's apparently had a VD before and wasn't going to risk it again."
"Richard? He wouldn't give a damn about VD, god, your father, or potential neutering."
"He got totally plastered the one time he took me out. I had to get help to pour his drunken body into the car and take him home. I left him at his place in the car and hoofed it home from there. I also kept his car keys."
"How about Paul? He was the last person I saw you going out with. He's not the type to get plastered."
"No, but he is the type to have just enough to be over .05 when the cops told him to blow into the breathalyser. Even that would have been bearable because we would have had to walk home and I could console him afterwards. I was quite looking forward to consoling him."
"So what happened?" demanded Mandy.
"It turned out that as well as being over the limit for driving he was over the limit for times caught and over the limit for holding his temper. He slugged the cop and they hauled his ass away. One of the cops drove me home."
"And you didn't try your luck with a hunky cop? He'd probably have loved to protect and serve your body, with the emphasis on the serve."
"I don't think she was interested. I certainly wasn't."
"What about Don? I know you've never dated him but he's hot and hunky. Why not cast your lures at him?"
"You've got to be kidding. Him, of all people? He's a right royal pain in the gluteus maximus. I want a boyfriend; not a pest."
"So you're still wandering around as a frustrated virgin. At this rate you'll never get another date as the men will consider you bad luck where sex is concerned."
"Get fucked," I grumbled, and Mandy laughed.
"I might as well. One of us has to get lucky."
I was heading home that evening, thinking how unfair the male sex was, and encountered one of the worst specimens right next door to me. Don was leaning on his fence, watching as I approached.
"Denise," he said with a nasty smile. "Got a moment?"
"No," was my quick and instinctive reply.
"Not for me but for my mother," he added, jerking his thumb towards the house.
That was different. I liked his mother and we got on well together. Mind you, if you're a believer in Karma then she must have done something terrible in a past life to have a son like Don. I grunted and changed direction, heading towards the house.
"Hullo, Mrs Gibson," I called out as I entered, to be met with silence.
"Um, where is she?" I asked Don, who'd followed me in.
"Down at the beach with dad for the weekend," he said.
"Then why did you say she wanted to see me," I asked, confused.
"Because I very much doubt you'd have walked blindly into the house if I said I wanted you to come inside as I've decided to fuck you," Don pointed out, and I just gaped at him.
"What?" Now I was really confused.
"I heard you and Mandy talking earlier about your futile efforts to get laid. I decided that it was my duty as a friend and neighbour to rectify the problem, especially as I've been wanting to fuck you for ages. You've a very fuckable figure you know. Why all those other losers didn't just leap on you with loud cries of rejoicing is beyond me."
"You are not fucking me," I said slowly and distinctly.
"I'm not?"
"No. You're not."
"And just how do you propose to stop me?" he asked, sounding genuinely interested.
"What do you mean? I just said no."
"Did you? I didn't hear that. It sounded to me as if you said will you now fuck me."
With that he just grabbed me and dragged me into the front room, plopping down on the couch with me on his lap, face down in a well-known spanking position.
"We'll start with panties," he told me, "just to show I'm serious."
With that he flicked my dress up and pulled my panties down, ignoring my attempts to push my dress back down over my bottom. As soon as my panties reached my ankles he took off my shoes and then my panties followed them.
He pushed my dress back up clear of my bottom, moving my hands away at the same time.