Vivienne had been alone for over two years now. She had grown accustomed to the silence, but had never quite learned to enjoy it. She'd always been a social creature by nature, finding herself energized by interacting with people. She had a way of drawing them in, making them gravitate to her. It wasn't a disingenuous quality. She was truly interested in people; in hearing their stories from grand to mundane. In her life 'before' she had never met a stranger.
Life here was so far removed from her former reality. Here there were no parties, no wine tastings, book clubs, or art exhibitions. Here it was just her, the blaring silence, and the incessant chirp of crickets. How she hated those fucking crickets. But she imagined a grave would be much quieter and was certain that's where she would have ended up if not for this tiny cabin nestled in the woods. Patrick would never think to look for her here or anywhere away from the lures of city life.
Patrick. She had met him at a book signing for one of her favorite authors. She was busy talking with a friend and after departing had backed into him causing him to spill a bit of coffee on his sweater. She of course was mortified by her clumsiness offering to pay for dry cleaning to which he refused good naturedly. They would go their separate ways and she would see him later alone in a more remote area of the bookstore. He would appear withdrawn, pensive, perhaps even sad. She decided then to go to him and formally introduce herself. They would continue to talk and laugh amiably throughout the event and afterwards when he asked her to go to a local coffee shop to apologize for ruining his favorite sweater, she had laughingly agreed.
He was so different from the men she usually dated. She had always been attracted to the golden boys and they to her. Like being attracted to like, the men she had dated had come from perfect two family homes, had pristine educational backgrounds with matching achievements, and had made appropriate money making career choices just as she had. Patrick was something altogether different. Patrick had come from a long line of police officers. The men in his family had been involved in law enforcement practically from the moment they'd stepped off the boat. Patrick, like those golden boys, was tall, physically fit, and quite handsome but the similarities ended there. It was like comparing a wolf to a puppy. The breed might be the same, but life experiences had made those golden boys tame. Patrick's experiences had made him feral. What arrogance she had harbored to believe she could chase away his demons with her light. She had believed this even after the first time he struck her.
Patrick. Even his name had the power to bring back wells of emotion for her- fear, sadness, regret, longing, arousal, and shame. Chief among them all was shame. Shame for her fear, shame for still longing for him, shame for desire that would grip her in the night making her wet with need, shame for being a fool for him at the expense of herself in the first place. Shame that on some levels she had liked being reduced to a kernel of herself, liked the humiliation, liked the bruises that no one else could see, liked the slaps that led to her being bent over and fucked to screaming orgasms.
In hindsight she realized that maybe he'd groomed her by sharing with her his insecurities and vulnerability. Sharing the trauma of his abusive family life, his abandonment by his mother, how she had left home when he was 9 years old and never returned. His memory of this was often followed by periods of melancholy which drew her even closer to him. How could she leave him when he hurt so badly, when he needed her so desperately? But his sadness was merely the calm before the storm and was always followed by rages punctuated by cruelty, lust, or both.
Sex with Patrick was unlike anything she had experienced, so much so that it seemed to keep her in thrall and oblivious to the reality of what her life had become. She had blown off her friends so much until they eventually stopped extending invitations. She told herself that it didn't matter. They didn't like Patrick, thought him too controlling and she didn't feel like defending her relationship with him. He convinced her that his behavior stemmed from his work. That he had seen such horrible things on the job that he just wanted to protect what was most precious to him. She had believed him even when he showed her time and again that he didn't mind beating the shit out of his most prized possession.Then he would apologize. And in those idyllic days he would cater to her, spoil her, make love to her with so much passion that she wept from the beauty of it marveling that someone so filled with pain could be capable of giving such indescribable pleasure.
This pattern would continue and would have continued but for the night he'd gone too far. She had gone to the doctor's that day for a check up. Nothing had been amiss. She had been a bit tired, had lost a little weight, but she hadn't missed any periods. Her doctor was concerned because she had been queasy and complained of poor appetite. She took her birth control pills like clockwork. She told her doctor that she thought it was probably stress. She had a deadline to meet on her manuscript and she wasn't nearly done and she knew she would need to request another extension. Her doctor gave her a pregnancy test as a precaution. To her surprise and delight she was indeed pregnant. She even got to hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler monitor. She and Patrick had never talked about children, but she was sure that he would be happy.
She left the doctors office with a bag of prenatal vitamins, books, and pamphlets on pregnancy and what to expect. Her doctor had also called in a prescription for iron supplements. She decided that she would pick them up after she left the market to grab something special for dinner to reveal the news to Patrick. She was so caught up in her thoughts and her excitement that she fumbled her phone into a puddle of water while waiting to cross at the curb. She attempted to shake out the excess water and prayed that it hadn't been immersed too long to affect its functionality, but it had and she soon realized that the phone could ring but she couldn't hear a thing when she answered and the letters wouldn't work to text.
She made it home late, after six. Her apartment was unnaturally dark, so much so that she couldn't see Patrick standing just a few feet in front of her. She turned on the light, but in her excitement she missed the tension in Patrick's body, the rage in his eyes.
"Hey baby, I have so much to tell you," she said excitedly.