Chapter Two - Moving Out
I couldn't believe that it was really happening. We'd broken up and he was moving out. We'd been fighting the whole morning while the removalists took his stuff down to the truck. I shouldn't have been here for this, it was too sad; too much emotion for both of us, and it came out as a fight, as a screaming match.
The morning had started wonderfully. We'd made love when we woke up, as if it was any other day, a day when we were happy together. It was tender and intense, I cried when I came, knowing this would be the last time we would ever do this together.
After that, everything was a mess. But it was almost over now; the removalists were gone, on their way to his new place. In a few minutes he would be gone as well; he had just one more load to take down to his car. Then I would have a bath and try to relax, try to stop crying, try to stop my insides from feeling like they were about to fall out.
I heard the front door open, I rushed to the door, to say goodbye for the last time.
"Goodbye gorgeous," I said, tears streaming down my face. Between sobs, I managed to say, "I love you, I always will."
"Right," he said. "Just not enough, never enough. I wish I knew what it is that you want."
"Don't make it my fault again," I begged. He was looking for a fight still, I wished he could leave our last goodbye to be a sad thing; I didn't want to stand at the door and have another fight.
He let go of the door and it closed behind him, he grabbed me and pulled me to him. He kissed me; it was hard and aggressive, reflecting his mood. It felt all wrong; it should be soft and tender, not angry, not aggressive. I pushed him away from me, hitting him on the chest repeatedly.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked.
"Nothing," I said. "Nothing that won't be fixed once you're out that door."
"Kiss me goodbye and I'm gone," he said, as he grabbed me again.
I let him kiss me, I wanted to be kissed. I liked him holding me forcefully, I felt safer than I ever had in my life whenever he held me, but I wanted to be kissed tenderly. I wanted our last moments to be, well not happy, but I wanted them to be anything but angry.
I struggled out of his arms again and pushed him away from me as hard as I could.
"You bitch," he said. "You've always been a bitch, what the fuck did I ever see in you? You're a selfish, self centred, calculating fucking bitch!"
He knew just how to press my buttons, here I was, falling apart trying to say goodbye, and he was abusing me again. I couldn't stand it, it set my temper off, and I wanted to strangle him.
I pushed him, and yelled, "Get out, get the fuck out of my life you cunt. You're still doing it, still twisting everything."
"I'm not doing anything, it's you," he shot back. "It's always been you, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it's never been good enough for you, it never will be, it never could be. You're fucked in the head."
I couldn't stand it. "Fucking dickhead," I called him, as I started punching him in the shoulders and chest.
"I won't let you hit me anymore," he said, as he grabbed my hands.
"You're a pitiful excuse for a man, you fucking like it when I hit you!" I screamed.
He pulled me to him again, and tried to kiss me. I jerked my head away from his mouth, but he bit my neck, and when I turned my head back to prevent it, he kissed me, holding my head so I couldn't get away. I struggled, but it was no use he was too strong.