Pam trembled as she sat at the kitchen table, nursing her cup of coffee. It was Friday morning and her next Pool lesson was scheduled for 2:00 pm.
Floods of emotions were going through her mind. One moment she hated James for what he had done to her. The next moment she was filled with guilt, believing that she had encouraged the actions and somehow, deserved what she had gotten. This was followed by the longing of his touch and the connection that they had, which then lead to another round of hatred, then guilt and then longing.
Each passing moment brought a new struggle to her soul and with each cycle of reasoning, she became more and more convinced that she had, in some way, caused the lesson to get out of hand.
"What is wrong with me?" Pam questioned. "What am I thinking? Did he rape me? Did I push him too far to try to distract me? Did I enjoy it? What is wrong with me and what am I going to do?"
The battle raged in her mind all morning. Finally she came to the conclusion that it was her fault that things had gotten out of hand. "If only she would have responded differently to his touch. If only she would have remained focused better on the pool game and not allowed herself to feel the pleasure of his touch. If only...if only," she told herself, her head shaking slowly.
Bourbon eventually replaced the cup of coffee, as Pam sat at the table, trying to get a handle on what she was going to do. The debate continued as to whether she would go to the Wild Horse, or if she would stay home and try to pretend that Wednesday never happened.
One Bourbon became two and soon the noon hour finally arrived. The moment of truth had come. It was time for a decision and Pam got up from the kitchen table and walked slowly to her bedroom to get ready for her pool lesson. "I have to confront him on this," She told herself. "I have to let him know this can't happen again." Pam shivered at the thought of confronting James, knowing in her mind that he merely reacted to her encouragements.
Hot water streamed down her neck and back as Pam stood in the shower, not really bathing, but trying to relax. The whiskey was taking effect and she could feel herself calm slightly as she thought about what she was going to say when she saw James.
In her mind she was going to stand toe to toe with the big man, letting him know, in no uncertain terms, that he was never to use her that way again. That he had crossed the line and if he valued her friendship, he would not let this happen again.
She became bolder and bolder as the false courage filled her. Stepping from the shower she was suddenly excited about the confrontation. She was ready and she was in control. As she toweled herself dry, she kept telling herself that she was able stand up to James and everything would go back to the way they were. The way they were when he was teaching her the game of pool. The way they were when he taught her how to focus and not let the distractions keep her from attaining her goal.
Opening the closet door, she peered at her clothes, trying to determine what she would wear. Since she had surmised that she had been the cause of the last indiscretion, she decided to wear a pair of denim jeans and a sweater. There would be no mistaking her intentions this time. Pam slipped on a pair of tennis shoes to complete the wardrobe and headed for the front door.
As she walked past the kitchen toward the front door, she made a detour into the kitchen for one final shot of Bourbon.
A few minutes later, Pam arrived at the parking lot of the Wild Horse. As usual, there were only 2 cars in the parking lot. One of them was Mary's. The other was James'. Stepping out of her car, Pam could feel her legs start to shake and her heart start to beat faster. "Stay calm," she told herself once again.
Striding into the bar as if on a mission Pam, walking upright and tall, crossed the lounge floor to the darkened pool room. Mary, the bartender, poured Pam a drink and followed her into the room.
As she entered the pool room, Pam saw James sitting at one of the tall tables, a half filled glass near his hand. Instantly she halted, her confidence starting to leave quickly.
Mary caught up to her about that time and as Pam turned to acknowledge her, Mary handed the drink to Pam.
"Thanks. I think I need this," Pam said, taking a long draw through the straw. Mary just smiled and turned around, exiting the way she came in.
James looked up with a face that said he did not expect the pretty housewife to show up today. "Well, well," he said. "Wasn't sure you would be here today."
Shimmers coursed through Pam's body as she struggled to remain calm. She took another long drink from her glass before walking up to James. As she looked him in the eyes, her heart sank. She could not say anything. All of the planning and rehearsing was gone. Her mind was blank of words and she stood before the big man as though she were a child awaiting a reprimand.
"Ready for another lesson, little lady?" James asked with a smile.
Pam just stood there before him, motionless, unable to speak.
"Is that a yes?" James asked, tilting his head to the side slightly as he peered into her eyes. He could see tears building up in her eyes as he held his gaze.
Slowly Pam started to move her head up and down in an affirmative motion. She was suddenly filled with fear as she had lost all of her courage.
"Good, good. Let's start with you telling me what you learned the other day," James started.
Pam remained silent. Inside, however, she was screaming at herself to respond.