I am 45 and my wife is 39, and we have been married over fifteen years, it has been a wonderful but also at times stressful experience. We've been through quite a lot of sexual ups and downs, from hot cosplay parties in our early 20's, to romantic nights in front of the fire in our mid 30's, to...occasionally having sex on a lazy Sunday; marriage has highs and lows. Recently, we hit what I thought was an absolute low point. One night while trying to be as romantic as possible to her, she got the hint I wanted sex and said, "fine, let's get it over with."
The disgust in her voice honestly made me lose my erection.
"You know what, never mind," I said, grabbing the remote control and turning on the TV. Her mouth dropped.
"What the fuck! I can't believe you," she said, and stormed off the couch. She went into the bedroom and slammed the door, I heard her shouting to herself, talking bad about me but I could still hear here through the bathroom door." It made me so angry I grabbed my coat and keys and left the house.
Divorce was a word that crossed my mind. I didn't want to throw it all away on what I realize was an emotional and somewhat routine thing for married couples to experience. I looked in my wallet for a business card of a marriage therapist we had been seeing, Dr. Foster. Good guy, relaxed, always gave it to you straight and upfront. I decided to give him a call.
On the phone, he could tell I was upset, so he set aside time to see me today, (also so he could charge me, oh well). When I showed up to the office he could tell I was angry. He sat on the chair and let me pace back and forth and vent all my frustrations. I remember the last thing I said was something like,
"I just want her to want sex as much as I do! I just want her to be interested, that's all."
I sat down, exhausted. He watched me and waited to make sure I was done. He looked at the ceiling for a second to gather his thoughts.
"Robert, do you realize that men have a higher sex drive than women?"
"Of course," I said.
"So, why would you expect your wife, or any wife for that matter, to want sex as badly as her husband does?"
The question really made me stop and think. This is why I pay this asshole $100 an hour. "I suppose you're right."
"...and of course women have their moments when they really want a husband to have as much interest in her activities... right?"
"Yeah..."
"And just because you go to the ballet with her, do you REALLY want to be there?"
"Okay, okay I get it."
I thanked him for the words of wisdom, it did calm me down a bit, but I was still frustrated at his ultimate advice of "just be patient." Of course a guy that charges that much an hour is good at being patient. Meanwhile I had been patient enough!
I was still thinking about divorce, so my next stop was the gym to try and get some of my aggression out. While there I saw an old friend of mine, Josh, a large muscle head type, who was really into body building competitions and had quite a way with the ladies. Seeing him made me feel worse, as he was ripped and I was flabby, and I knew he was living his best bachelor life, getting laid all the time.
In the locker room after the workout, I brought up to him some of my marriage problems. It's always tough talking to single guys, but when I told him about what she said, "fine, let's get it over with," he seemed to think about it for a second, lost in thought.
"You know, I don't really know what it's like to be married, but I don't know Rob, I'm...kind of turned on by that idea." Josh said.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. He was always saying weird stuff, but usually at least it was somewhat intelligent.
"Well think about it, she's willing to have sex with you, so stop being a fucking cry baby about it, and she's doing it reluctantly...I mean, you know it's not bad, right, because she's your wife, and she is agreeing to it. She's giving you consent. But it's not like...total consent, right?
"Okay...I don't' really get what you're saying."
"I mean she consented, right?"
"Yeah...but she's just not into it."
"So use that as the kink." He nudged me on the arm with his elbow and walked off.
"But hey, wait," I shouted at him.
"Trust me Rob, think about it," he said and walked off.
On the drive home I thought about what he said. The emotional part of me started to give way to reason, and my larger than life friend was once again right. She was agreeing to sex, so beggars can't be choosers. And it was...kind of a sexy concept.
I went to the store and got a bottle of wine and flowers. I went home and was glad my wife was still there.
"Chrissy!" I shouted. "You here?"
I walked into the bedroom, she was organizing her closet. She does that when she is mad, it was like symbolism of the chaotic thoughts going on inside her own mind.
"Hey," I said. She turned and looked at me, seeing the bottle of wine and roses in my hand.
"That's sweet," she said. "I thought you left for good."
"Actually I saw Dr. Foster."
"Really?"
"He helped calm me down, I was emotional, and..." I took a breath, "I'm sorry and I wanted to tell you I love you."
"So that's why his line was busy," she said with a straight face.
"Wait, you too?"
"No, that was a joke," she said. I laughed, she laughed. The tension was gone.
We laid in bed and drank wine together. Eventually I worked up the courage to kiss her. This wasn't exactly how I planned, but in a way, it was better!
"Well, are you ready now?" I asked her. It was risky, this could backfire.
"I don't know," she said. "Maybe tomorrow."
I kept rubbing her thighs, kissing her, showing her I didn't want to give up.
"Please."
"Please?"
"Can't a husband beg for some sex from his wife."
"Ugh. Fine," she said. "You broke my will with your pathetic pleading, happy now?"
I got on top of her and began taking her clothes off. The whole time her eyes were fixed on me, like she was judging me. When I had a problem taking off her bra she rolled her eyes. When I started to pull down her panties she had a grumpy look on her face, making it clear to me that she wasn't going to help in the process at all. She groaned every time I jolted her body a bit to slip the panties off.
I had her naked. I gave her kisses. She turned her head and only let me kiss her cheek. Every time I went for her mouth she dodged. I did this all while taking my own clothes off. My penis wasn't erect. so I began rubbing myself against her.