When I received the email titled "Collector sale tonight!", I was more than a little skeptical about the wares. It had been five years since the Bankruptcy Reform Act had been enacted, and selling people who were in heavy debt still had its drawbacks. Namely in the state of those that had accumulated such debt in pursuit of costly vices.
Nevertheless, I was intrigued, and had cash in hand to participate. I closed my laptop, grabbed my keys and a leash, and headed to the location. I didn't expect to find anything of use there, but fortune favors the bold.
I arrived at the venue, a once dilapidated warehouse now converted to a government auction block for those wayward souls who had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. I had apparently arrived just in time for the auction pieces to be delivered, as a line of chained individuals was unloaded from the armored bus. Some looked fearful, others defiant, but all wore the same look of resignation as they marched into the processing portion of the auction house.
I kept my eyes on the potential prospects as I handed the doorman my printed invitation and entered the doors leading inward. Once inside, I joined the group watching eagerly at the processing window to see what this new batch of debtees had to offer.
We all watched as the standard procedure began. First, the pieces were unchained from each other and made to stand in line facing forward. Then the processing team had them remove all jewelry, clothing and anything that would make them feel like a person. Most complied, but a few had to be reminded that they no longer had any choice. One very vocal candidate demanded to speak with the supervisor, that this was a mistake, the usual sort of thing that happens now and again. She was quickly silenced with a well strapped ball-gag and promptly stripped of her belongings.
The next part of the process was possibly the most difficult for them, but the most exciting for those on this side of the glass: tonight's theme. A loudspeaker hummed to life and began the traditional prerecorded message.
"Welcome to the Collectors Auction! Those of you here by invitation are welcome to enjoy the sights and sounds of our lovely establishment! We only ask that you maintain peace and civility during these proceedings, and try not to over indulge in the spirits we offer. And for those of you currently in the processing pen, welcome to your new role. You are here to settle the debts you accrued in your past life and to help the economy in your own special way. Once your collars are placed and your numbers assigned, you will no longer be who you once were. You will become so much more, as property collateral to settle your various fees, fines and financial hardships as per the Bankruptcy Reform Act. You are no longer part of the problem, no longer a burden on the economy, you are the solution. You are the future. You are now property, and will be auctioned off accordingly. With that out of the way, tonight's auction will be once again themed to help drive the sales of these items and to help rebuild the economy of this great nation. Without further ado, tonight's theme is..."
The recording trailed off to allow the banner to dramatically fall, revealing the big bold letters of the night's event. It summed up everything in one word: "HUCOW".
I was intrigued by this decision. Many patrons gasped in delight, others looked on in confusion. The evenings auctioneer took this moment to explain what a hucow is and their uses and roles. Once explained, everyone turned to the items with renewed interest, and with ideas running through their minds. The soon to be auctioned pieces looked with stunned silence and defeat.