In a magical fantasy kingdom there was a town ruled over by a princess. This princess was the most beautiful princess in all the land. She was kind, benevolent and loved by everyone. But she wasn't just totally beautiful and incredibly perfect in every way, she was also ruthless against her enemies. Many an army fell before her strategic might and even if they reached the castle, she could've taken them out with one hand tied behind her back.
Men came from all around to try to become her prince charming and though she briefly entertained their advances, she sent them on their way. No one could be enough to win her love. Maybe some day some brave knight or some dashing prince could sweep her off her feet, but for now, she was just going to take it easy.
She invited her subjects to the castle so they can enjoy her favorite pastime with her. A woman with one of those medieval trumpet things walked out as her guests looked on. Playing a short fanfare she then yelled out, "Presenting her royal majesty. The most awesomest woman on the planet and your one true ruler. The amazing and wonderful, Princess Gracie!"
The crowd went crazy as she stepped out onto the balcony overlooking an arena, in a beautiful purple gown. She wore a dress covered in purple jewelry. She had so much on her that if she stepped into the light, she'd sparkle so brightly that it could render you blind for a short time.
"Welcome to my castle, plebians. It's time for my favorite part of the day and I'm sure it's all of yours too."
The crowd cheered. Many of them wishing that Gracie would even glance in their direction. "Ok, ok. Settle down, everyone. Guards, bring out the fool!"
The doors leading into the arena opened and a guy in a blue and yellow jester outfit was thrown inside. He landed face first in a mud puddle. Already, the crowd was giggling at this fool. He slowly got to his feet, almost slipping on the mud and falling again before eventually standing upright.
His knees were shaking and his heart was pounding as he noticed that crowd was much larger than previous days. He knew that there was only one way he could get a laugh out of Gracie, but he really hated doing it.
"So, Diego, ready to perform your
little
routine?" she said, with the crowd snickering at the double meaning behind that.
"Your majesty, m-maybe I could do something else for once? I thought that routine would get stale after the 3rd...month."
"Nonsense, fool. You know how much that little scepter of yours makes me laugh. Now drop your pants and wiggle it around for all of us."
With the mostly female crowd already giggling at this red faced jester who was shivering like a leaf at the mere thought of showing off his tiny manhood again, he knew that any attempt to deviate from his routine would mean he'd be forced into a worse punishment. But still, he had to try.
"Please, Princess Gracie, I've been researching new material. I promise you it's hilarious, even more so than my...uh, you know..."
"Your what, fool?"
He sighed and said. "My royally tiny manhood."
Much of the audience laughed at that. She then said, "Fine, but be warned, if I don't get even a chuckle out of this, you know what the punishment is."
She then pointed to a woman in a black hooded robe who was wheeling out a large wooden device. It looked like the gallows, complete with a noose and a trapdoor so the rope is tight around what it was hanging, but Diego knew that he wasn't going to be hung by his neck. No, that would be too merciful for what she had in store for him.
Instead, the rope would be tied around his torso, so his hands were bound to his side, then the trap door would open, sending him downwards where he would be hanging in front of the townsfolk. His clothes would be then ripped off by the hangwoman, until he was completely bare and finally, he'd be left there for a whole day for ANYONE to do ANYTHING with.
Most of the time it was just to laugh at him and humiliate him. Some would pelt him with rotten fruit or vegetables, but the less tactful townsfolk, mostly the women whose husbands or boyfriends have either long since left them or never existed in the first place would toy around with him. He didn't know whether that or the rotten fruit thing was worse.
"I-I...I assure you, I've been researching some new jokes, I hope you like them."
"You'd better hope that as well, fool."
He took out a few flash cards from his pocket with some jokes hastily scribbled on them. He did look up some jokes he had in a book in his house. Unfortunately, they were from a children's joke book that was much older than he was. Due to his meager earnings, he didn't really have many options.
He looked at a few of them and started to read one of them off.
He cleared his throat and began.
"W-what did one wall say to the other wall?"
...
"Meet you at the corner!"
Nary a peep from either Princess Gracie or the crowd.
"Heh....uh...ok then. Umm..."
"Two fish were in a tank. One turns to the other and then asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?""
...
"Get it? Cause you think it would be a fish tank, but it's...an army...tank."
A few murmurs went through the crowd, but no laughs were had.
"What's a tank?"
"Yeah, we're in medieval times, we don't know what a tank is!"
The townsfolk started to boo.
"Wait! Wait! Ok...umm."
Now panicking, Diego went through several of the flash cards before settling on one.
"A man walks into a bar."
...
"He says, "ow.""
He smiled hoping that somehow that would produce a laugh. That's when he heard some one start giggling. He and the rest of the audience looked around wondering who it was. It was Gracie! She was giggling.
"LOOK! I DID IT! I MADE HER LAUGH!"
Diego was ecstatic, he managed to make her laugh without his nudity. But Gracie then said, "Sorry. I wasn't laughing at your awful joke, I was laughing at the fact that "ow" is probably one of the many things that you're gonna say once you're punished. GUARDS!"
