Sonja and Selina heard whispers that, when a girl is considered ready for marriage, a man will seize her, and have sex with her, and then she must serve him for the rest of her life.
"That wasn't the culture," she says.
It wasn't her culture. Young women who refuse to give into an abduction face situations that include:
- no one from either family speaks about the attempt so that neither family is shamed
- the woman returns to her family and lives as though nothing happened
- the woman is rejected by her shamed family and moves, often to one of the two large cities
- the woman is convinced by her family to return to the abductor's family and accept marriage.
The cook helper told of how she was taken back to her kidnapper's home (now her husband), held down in front of his family, raped, and taken to be married the next morning. Stunned, afraid and hurting, she signed the papers, and waited for a moment when she could escape.
"But my father told me that now I had sex with him, nobody else would want me because I was ruined goods, and I had to go back to him and be a good wife," she said. "My mother was very sad but she said it was true. I thought then, I have to do this. I have no choice. I just prayed to God, 'Please help me, please...' I went back. Soon after that I was pregnant, and what could I do? Now so many years have passed and I have six children. Life is hard for a woman."
She is crumpled now, her walk halting, her face creased. She stares past me, to where white wisps of cloud are swirling past the blue sky.
Sonja, companion and friend, and Selina often support each other's projects and activities. Since both girls avoid facing negative situations, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced. Sonja should have warned Selina it was dangerous flirting with Popi. At 24 years of age, Popi was a man and worldly. He was also angry at the rejection of his proposal by Selina's father. Selina knew all of that, yet she still left her bodyguards behind, thinking herself invisible. Sonja accused Selina of escapism and Selina accused Sonja of taking the fun out of life. Now look at the predicament they find themselves.
Dear Diary,
I have not seen Sonja seen we arrived at this place -- wherever this place is. I always heard rumors Popi's family was wealthy, and owned vast amounts of land and homes all over the world. My father never trusted Popi for some reason. I may never know why, because I may see never see my father or family again. I could be enthusiastic, responsive and adventurous at times. Now I'm just sad, depress and cry all the time. Under pressure, I could be very charming, able to talk my way out of just about any situation -- not this time. All I can look forward to is "descalço e grávidas (barefoot and pregnant)".
My First Day
Dear Diary,
It's been several days since I've been here. I'm not exactly sure how long it's been. I am grateful to Popi for letting me have my diary. I don't know how he got it or any of my other stuff. I don't want to think about what happened before I woke. I'm so anxious and having difficulty sleeping, irritability, can't concentration. I'm always on vigilance for Popi. Since he started what he calls "my sex education" I get so startled when he enters a room. I have trouble falling or staying asleep and I'm so fatigued. Now when Popi touches me I tremble, have headaches, and sweat.
I am Selina Tupou, 18, a student from New Zealand's North Island. I'm unmarried with no children and have a Catholic convent school education. I was bright and happy, looking forward to the future. I was tired of my hair. It's long and wavy, very wavy. I want to cut it, but my father says absolutely NO! That use to be my biggest problem. It's so stupid now.
I trust my own decisions, not relying on others to make the decisions for me. Now I loss all hope of being self-reliant, clinging desperately to Popi and all his decisions. I feel desperate to remain associated with him and willing to do anything it takes to keep protecting myself, no matter how wrong it is. I'm sometimes hysterical when I feel my lack of obedience to Popi ruins my security.
I don't remember much of how I got to this place. One minute I was on the beach talking with Sonja, and then I woke nude in a bed and bed I know not. Popi was there in the room. He said I was asleep for at least a day -- but what day? I have this sense of numbing, detachment, a reduction in awareness and my inability to recall what happened. I'm driven by the fear that I won't be able to handle all the dangers present here. I have this lack of faith in myself and the others here. Whatever situation I'm involved with can be OK if I act correctly. I have to be obsesses with avoiding making mistakes or losing self-control. I feel angry, feeling misunderstood and alone.
Popi soon entered the bathroom wearing only underwear. He knelt down beside the tub, and whispered in my ear.
"You are here because I want you here. Your father didn't think I was good enough to marry you. Now I have slept next to your naked body, and there's nothing he can do to help you. You belong to me now, and will give me many children. No one will come to help you -- ever!"
Wanted to scream, but no sound came. I couldn't breathe and my chest hurt. Popi covered my mouth with his, pushing his tongue into my mouth. He said that I better soon learn to respond. The "hook up" (kissing) was prolonged, intense and yes passionate. I'd never been kissed like this. I never even had a boyfriend! I cried as quietly as possible, tears mixing with the sweat running down my face. Popi was known to become easily irritated or have violent outbursts. I didn't want him to hurt me or kill me. Who would know?
